OK I need to figure this out since I had a discussion with my friend about this and the opinions are obviously different. Here's the story (sorry it's a bit long):

I have a guy friend who is dating this girl, but his divorce hasn't been finalized yet. He's going through some emotional issues right now, since he wasn't the one who wanted the divorce. It is obvious to me that this girl likes him and is willing to put up with the emotions he's going through. Granted, it has helped him feel better and she has gotten him out of the depression stage he was in. He likes her, but he told me that he told her that he couldn't make any promises or even a commitment to her and wasn't sure if he could in the future. He told me that she was willing to take the risk. She is patient and very loving with him and he treats her like a queen. He is dedicating his time to only her and isn't interested in dating anyone else for right now.

Is he being unfair to her? I feel like he's using her as a rebound, but then again when I see them together it makes me wonder that perhaps not. Oh, and I should mention, this is a long distance relationship.... she's in Texas and he's in Florida and they have been dating for about 3 months now. Money is tight on both ends so they don't see each other as much as I think they should.

Is it just me not seeing this right. I really like this girl and we've become somewhat friends, but she has already asked me once if I thought that she was rebound for him, since I know him really well (I told her that I honestly didn't know).... I just don't want to see her hurt if he doesn't come through for her. I did ask him if he thought it was a rebound relationship for him and he told me that he's not too sure but all that he knows is that she got a broken man and has helped him heal little by little and that she knew what she was getting herself into when they decided to date exclusively.

So those of you with more experience than me on this.... is this relationship right or does it sound like a rebound? Oh and by the way, I don't normally get involved with this type of thing.... not really my business usually, but this guy is a good guy and he's been my best guy friend for about 20 years now.

I went through a rebound relationship. We were both on rebound and I got crushed. I don't see this relationship going anywhere. I forsee her getting hurt. He is getting his needs met, but what does she get?

But, their is nothing you can do. You really need to stay out of it.

Alim, I agree with you and I am trying really hard to stay out of it, but I can't help but throw in some hints to him as how he's gonna end up hurting this girl. She's a sweet girl and I suspect that I may just be too late in avoiding anything anyway.

Yep, I agree with you alim... but on the other hand, none of us know what they are feeling... none of us are there with every email or phone convo.... none of us know for sure...

It seems like with the long distance, and no money to see each other, there cant be that much commitment.
He also told her straight out where she stands, so its her choice if she wants to stay around. It might work out, it might not. He has not lied to her. She has decided to take the risk.

quote:

Originally posted by cheryl s:
[qb] Yep, I agree with you alim... but on the other hand, none of us know what they are feeling... none of us are there with every email or phone convo.... none of us know for sure... [/qb]

That's a good point

I think whatever it is and however it ends up it is something they both need in their lives right now... Possibly she needs to be needed and help somebody and the reasons he has are more obvious with the rebound and hurt he's already feeling. At least he's been very honest with her. She knows going in and it is her choice to continue or not to continue with the relationship. In the end we all take away positive lessons even from the negative parts of our lives. I say don't worry about it so much, it is part of their individual journey through life.

Yeah, she's a rebound, but like Sane One said, he's not lying to her. He made it perfectly clear that he may never make a commitment to her. If he does, in fact, leave her and break her heart, she has only herself to blame. He was honest, she is lying to herself if she thinks this is going anywhere. But you should offer advice only if asked...She's a grown woman and she's made her decision, however irrational. And even if you don't agree, you should respect it.

Just because there is a risk of being a rebound girl, doesn't mean that's what she'll end up being. Maybe she's the right one for him, and it will just take him a little time to get out of his marriage emotionally. I say if she likes him, she should take the risk. There is always a risk. Reading the original post though, it's not clear how honest he is being with her. He sounds like he has been quite open and honest with you, but sounds like she's a little in the dark about his view of the future.