Firt to introduce myself. Im Dallas Im a single father of 3 boys one not my real son but he dont know that so we wont tell him. his real dad is in prison i think and his mom left him and his two that are mine almost two years ago. Ive loved every day since no matter how hard it is i love my kids. K im extreamly new to here but i had a few questions. ive noticed you all give really good advise.

1. Im ingaged to someone 11 years older than me. she has two daughter 11 and 6. thier dad is still apart of thier life. any one know how to adress me marring thier mom so they dont hate me and think im trying to be thier dad or take his spot?

2. is the age diference gonna be a problem?

3. my boys love her and dont know thier real mom. will there be any problems in the future when they find out thier step mom is not thier real mom?

has any one else been in this situation?

and advise would be apreiciated

1. be yourself.

2. only if your uncomfortable with it, then it will be a problem.

3. That all depends on the children...and how they react to the truth when it comes out. Its' a reality kick really.

I have never been in that situation...not sure how the children will react because well, i simply don't know them. I guess it would be similar to an adopted child finding out that they were adopted and that their real parents are out there somewhere maybe...and I have no experience with anyone in that situation.

All I know is when I did find my father, and no I wasn't adopted... (long story), teh reality hit me as though I got slapped in the face. I don't know however what it is like to call someone else "dad" because I would call my mother's friend by his first name....it was what it was... so for your situation it is hard to say.

I am just wondering though, why you are only thinking about the age difference now, if you are already engaged...or are you just having cold feet?

the age difference is something both her and my friends have brought up but not us. I am in love with her no matter what the age. I just dont want her to get scared cause im 11 years younger

Dallasblair...did she bring that up before, or just since the engagement? What is her major concern about the age difference?

sry bout that. I drink heavy after my kids go to sleep lol she didnt but her and my friends being both our friends keep bringing it up not her and my friends. sry for not making that clear

oh and since our friends have mentioened it it has been a question of if i will still feel the same way in ten years when im going through mid life crisis and shes almost 50. I tell her every time it comes up that we are always 11 years aprt. we are growing old togeather not just her getting older

Well, there are only so many words to say to comfort someone with an insecurity like that...I guess you'll just need to trust she take the leap of faith in regards to the age issue...maybe by watching you in other areas, she may just get over it with time.

Unless there is something else she is not happy with, and since she can't figure it out, she is aiming at the age?

Just shooting out ideas...

Yea i have no idea. I just sad. shes gone to texas active duty till Jan But she comes back for thanksgiving so this has been a really rough spot in the road. Miss having someone to talk to and hold every night and cant wait for her to get back

WEll don't focus on it too much...sometimes when we focus and worry it actually attracts a mess....
Just live through the relationhsip with a positive energy, to it's fullest and love every minute of it..

What will come will come, and you will handle each challenge as it comes.

thank you for your advise! and glad to find this crazy site of single parents like me. didnt know so many of exsisted lol

I agree, I feel as long as your a "grown up" and behave like one then age really is just a number. Just because someone is older than you doesn't mean you can't relate to real life experiences. Like I said as long as your "grown up".

oh i am so not grown up. my only social life is with 3 boys 5 and under how do ppl expect me to be grown up. they my best friends. besides work they are all i hang out with watching cartoons togeather jamming out to oldies rock. i sont think that that is grown up but then again my fiance is the same way.