I had one today. I've been "seeing" this guy for about 2 years now. At first, I wanted it to be just a "booty call" when I wanted it.
Somehow, he became more serious about me, and I liked the idea for a while. Although, I never hinted I wanted anything more. I dont. I dont have it in me to give him what he wants. Marriage, buying a home together. He has become very jealous, and questioning of me. I told him these attitudes just dont do it for me.
I've always wondered why so many of my relationships end up this way. In the past, I've thought of it as just a character flaw that I could look beyond. Maybe thats been my problem all this time. As soon as I see something like that, that I dont like I should just end it right there. That was my a-ha today. I should have learned from all my previous experience that someone who is insecure like that is not going to change. As a result, I cant be as open in the relationship as I have been. That means I'm compromising myself. I have an idea of what I want for something serious, and maybe anyone who doesnt fit that mold should be nipped in the bud. I dont want what he wants, so really by staying around, I am leading him on? If/when the right person comes along, its going to be all that more painful, and I should just let it go now. Let the "right" person come into my life without me having any baggage to get rid of. Is this how people do it?
I was reading back in an old journal of when I first got together with him, and I even wrote it back then. I better not let him think that this is going any where, because I dont want it to. He's not the one for me, I wrote.
I think I know the answer, I just want some reinforcement that I am thinking on the right track. What do any of you think?

You sound like me!! LOL! I finally just had to slap myself in the head and tell myself to STOP BEING SO SELFISH!!! Why was I wasting time with a "booty call"??? I have my baby girl to take care of!! What if I get pregnant by one of these jack-a**es?? Then what? None of these guys were ever "father material". I already have one baby who's been cheated out of having a father. To bring another one (or two or three) would take even more away from her.

One of the most important lessons I ever learned was this....NEVER EXPECT TO BE ABLE TO CHANGE A MAN. They don't change. You can't get involved with someone and look past the flaws thinking that eventually they'll change for you if they love you enough. THEY DON'T! If you have any respect for yourself (and even for them too) you have to recongnize that they either are or are not right for you. If they are not right, cut them loose. RIGHT AWAY! Wrong men aren't necessarily bad me, they're just wrong...for you. Wrong me bring drama. Drama affects you. And you affect your kids. So even if the men never interact with your kids, they affect them.

I wasn't finished typing!! Stupid keyboard! Anyways, to continue my story....

Here's what I did...I came up with a list of the qualities I would want in a husband/father, and a list of the qualities that were unacceptable for a husband/father. Not with the intention of finding a husband/father, but with the intention of "weeding out" the losers.

I found this quote somewhere, and I love it...

'Women are like apples on trees, the best ones being at the top. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy to pick up. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along - the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.'

alexmichele07, I like that. He is a really nice guy, but...Its time for me to grow on top of the tree.
The other thing I've done is to feel sorry for the guy, and then its me that ends up getting hurt in the end.

The problem with the whole apple theory is that sometimes a wonderful farmer comes along who loves apples, and he picks the apple and treats it great, he puts it on a pedestal for all the world to see. Well the apple being up on the pedestal sees these other farmers and thinks I wish my farmer was like that so it tries to change the farmer, and the farmer tries to change because he loves the apple, but if he changes once tha aplle wants more changes until he is no longer the farmer that picked the apple in the first place and then the apple takes the farmer for granted. And eventually their relationship falls apart, and then the farmer wonders why he worked so hard to pick an apple at the top when one at the bottom would be easier.

moral of the story...

stick to banana's

You really don't want to go there....

LOL, that's funny!

But part of being an apple at the top is realizing that you can't change a man. It's gotta be a "take it or leave it" kinda thing. Realize that and you should never need a banana!! LOL!!

quote:

Originally posted by alexmichele07:
[qb] LOL, that's funny!

But part of being an apple at the top is realizing that you can't change a man. It's gotta be a "take it or leave it" kinda thing. Realize that and you should never need a banana!! LOL!! [/qb]

Well, maybe not a banana, but a nice zucchini could work, .

Banana's get all mushy, and then get those annoying fruit fly's all around them.

ohhhh ya'll are crazy. Ya'll better be careful Don may be lurking.

You know, I have never been apple picking! I had a crab apple tree in my yard as a kid though!

They also make those very life like plastic fake fruits

Is Don a vegetarian? Maybe he likes bananas... like in a banana split.

Wow! I've been in that situation before and you are right, the longer you wait, the more you're going to hurt him and yourself...

Sane One, I think it just gets comfortable after a time. I think you are right though, end it now, why prolong the pain? If it isn't right it isn't right and it surely isn't going to change, CERTAINLY not after a couple of years!