Hi ladies and gents, I havent been here in so long but here it goes.....
I've been dating this guy for maybe three months, we've known eachother for a couple of years. I'm working on getting into a new apartment, he talked about moving in with me and helping me out. We've talked about marriage and more kids, and I will say he's the one that has brought all of these things up. Two weeks ago he was ready to get married and start a family. He called me from work the other night just to tell me he loved me.
ok fast foward to last night. He informs me he's moving two hours away with a buddy of his because its closer to work. He insists this wont affect us because he will still come up and visit. I got upset and he got mad. He said I was the one putting pressure on him when HE was the was asking to move in with me! He said we're still dating that this really doesnt change anything.
Is he stringing me along? Does he want space? My head is spinning, everyday he'll say something different but he always en the conversation with "I still love you babe!"
AAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I need an interpreter

Maybe one of the men here can decipher this foreign to female language of his.

Sounds to me like he wanted a place to live. I hate to say it but he doesn't sound as serious as his words. Perhaps he's the sort of "i love you out of convenience?" Three months is way too soon to be talking about marriage and moving in. If he really loves you he'd be taking things a lot slower and not saying things about anyone pressuring anyone.

I don't mean to be negative, but I've been in that sort of relationship where all of a sudden the L word pops up real quick and marriage and kids are in the mental picture. Honestly I'd tell him to go ahead a move away and if he's serious about you he'll prove it. I see red flags.

from a man's point of view. I am gonna be a bit blunt, have you two been intimate? Not that I want to know smutty details, but if the answer is yes, then that could explain the early "I love you" and wanting to move in. the proposal from his buddy brought him back to earth so to speak and with his buddies is where is head is.

He does have feelings for you, hence wanting to keep seeing you although its 2 hours away. the saying he loves you at the end of every conversation at and early stage may also be a reflex, i.e. saying what he thinks you want to here and keeping you close. not really posessive just close.

There is the chance that after a few weeks with his buds, he could (a) come back to actually live with you or (b) stop coming to see you as often (like once a month) Ask him to come to see you a few weekends in a row, if he does things may be good, if he starts to complain or has an excuse or gets an attitude, things may be on the out.

a long distance relationship, even just a few hours, can be stressful. I tried it once. if he has a woman on the side, you will never know unless you surprise him with a visit. and that will be turned into your fault.

sorry to be so direct and blunt and hope this answered some of your concerns. My best advise would be cautious and don't let your guard completely down on this one. God Bless and good luck

Well I'd be weiry with anyone who suggests to prematurely move in with me 'to help me out'. Either he's looking for a dependent to control or he's looking for the help himself. I agree with Blindsky. Sounds as if he needed a place to stay and took the more appealing offer. Now he doesn't have to help YOU out.

Mixed messages.... Sounds to me like, he doesn't really know what he wants.

If you love this guy ... take it slow. Actions speak louder than words -- cliche' but very very true.

If he mentions marriage and moving in - maybe you should tell him "you" are not ready. Take control of the situation, and like Wyatt said - wait and see what happens.

He's sending up some big red flags - don't ignore them.

quote:

Originally posted by glitterbug38:
[qb] Hi ladies and gents, I havent been here in so long but here it goes.....
I've been dating this guy for maybe three months, we've known eachother for a couple of years. I'm working on getting into a new apartment, he talked about moving in with me and helping me out. We've talked about marriage and more kids, and I will say he's the one that has brought all of these things up. Two weeks ago he was ready to get married and start a family. He called me from work the other night just to tell me he loved me.
ok fast foward to last night. He informs me he's moving two hours away with a buddy of his because its closer to work. He insists this wont affect us because he will still come up and visit. I got upset and he got mad. He said I was the one putting pressure on him when HE was the was asking to move in with me! He said we're still dating that this really doesnt change anything.
Is he stringing me along? Does he want space? My head is spinning, everyday he'll say something different but he always en the conversation with "I still love you babe!"
AAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I need an interpreter [/qb]

my advice, if a little blunt:
just make sure you don't get pregnant. Time will tell.
At some point you will decide for yourself if you want to give him a deadline ...but in the meantime there is nothing anyone of you can loose.

I don't believe in long distance relationships either, but the question is, how 'long distance' is 2 hours ? It just depends.
And I have seen a long distance relationship (they were between 6 driving hours and 6 flight hours apart) going on for years...over 10 years... (with him cheating on her on various occasions, but always coming back to her, I am not sure what SHE was doing in the meantime...maybe the same)...but now they finally live together (but no kids).

Having been subjected to exactly the kind of thing you are taking about it and falling for it(letting them move in, quick marriage, baby), I can tell you from experience that you need to be patient, and protect our heart. I know how easy it is to fall to that temptation, and the very human need for physical and emotional contact and intimicy. But you need to make sure that it is going to be long term. Because the short term is more painful than doing with out those things all together. I have never done a long distance relationship but I don't know anyone who has ever had a succesful one if it went on for more than a semester.

I think the biggest sign to me that something isn't quit right is the "I still love you babe", it sounds like something someone says to a partner right before the break up with them. It jsut doesn't sound like the kind of love and emotion that you really want in your life right now. I don't know him or your whole situation, but my advice would be to proceed with caution and protect your heart and your children at all cost.

Hi glitterbug - I have to agree w/ the ones that have posted already. It seems it's out of convience. There is love as long as it's convient for him and benefits him. Sorry to be so negative but you need to guard your heart. I've been there and not in my 5th month of pregnacy and damn did this situation get to unconvient for my X. Took off in June and have seen him once in the past few months he has been gone.

I say let him move w/his buddy and if you pursues the relationship strongly then yes maybe he did care about you. But if he lets it go quicly then the ugly fact is you were a convience.

Put yourself and your feelings first don't let him come b4 U! That's the best advice I can give you now. I hope it all turns out for the better for you.

GOOD LUCK

SPIRIT