OK, so for those of you who recognize me, I have recently decided to start dating again. Well, this is the deal: I have a long-time friend that I have been having discussions regarding possibly moving our relationship past friendship. As I was thinking about this, even if it ends up not being with him, what do you do on a date? Who asks who? Who pays? I have not dated in over a year and I have no idea what is "etiquette" I guess. I realize some of you are going to think "she's clueless" but hey, I am. I need help folks. And one last thing, how do you ask a guy out? I'm a shy one so be gentle. :baby:

Well the last date I was on was an afternoon at a local beach/park with a great walking path on a beautiful day. I bought her an ice cream cone and we talked about anything. We also asked direct questions of each other without hesitation. Besides gas, the day cost me maybe five dollars although that wasn't an issue. She left me a message two days later thanking me and saying she really enjoyed the day and my company. I then called her and replied in the same. It was a nice laid back day we both truly enjoyed. It ended before sundown. I'm sure if I was a cad, I could have taken advantage of her, but that probably would have ruined the day...or maybe put the icing on the cake. Who knows? No regrets anyways. For either of us.

The point of the date should be to check each other out and enjoy your time. Who,what,where,when and how much money are irrelevant.

Now go get 'em tiger!

I agree with JD, whole heartedly. Ask hime to go for icecream and then you can go for a walk while you eat it and get to know each other, or coffee if icecream is not your thing. It doesn't have to be diner and a movie as that gets rather expensive. The point is to get to know each other. ON one hand you say you already know him but this is in a differant way. Now is the time to ask the deep intimate questions, like do you put the TP on up or down, do you squeez the toothpaste tube in the middle. I mean if your gonna have a relationship with someone, these are the things you need to know.

Best of luck, and remember the most important thing is to be yourself. Don't try to do things to impress if they aren't really you.

Dali

Well, I have only recently begun to date again. We started out by going to dinner, but we have also watched movies, played pool, gone to Farmers Market. Basically anything that allows you to get to know one another. Like jaysdad said, we also checked each other out, asked direct questions and got to know one another. We both have paid for things. I dont agree with the "guy pays for everything" rule, so I make it a point to pay for stuff as well.

As for asking a guy out, I am also so shy, but I ended up asking the guy I am seeing right now out. It was so scary, but I kept thinking, what have I got to loose? So anyway, I jsut asked if he wanted to do something sometime and we went from there. Good luck!

smshy ~

I had to laff @ your comment about having not dated for a year. After my divorce, it had been a good 17-18 years since I had dated. Things have changed a lot since then, but all the important things are the same.

I agree with JD & Erin - try to keep it simple. Who pays is up to you & him. I personally like to go dutch, but to be honest - the last few guys I've dated have been very broke - so I ended up paying. I think I would like to find a happy medium on that.

If you are friends first, and you feel like doing something with your friend - it's not really asking him out. If it's a stranger you just met, I'm not really sure - I've never asked a guy out like that.

Erin makes it sound pretty easy. I've been told guys like to be asked out.

Dating is hard work, and it can be tricky ... kinda like raising children - I don't think anyone has all the answers - you just do what you think is right and be an honest, respectful person - and things should go okay.



Good luck.

LOL Dali..."do you put the TP on the up or down"....oh thank you sir for the belly laugh of the day!

To make things easier in the first stages; any question that comes up that you find uncomfortable be honest about how you feel. There is nothing worse for us if we sense a woman is being less than honest or less than honest about who they are. I would rather hear, "Let's save that one for a second date dear" than some cloudy answer. And don't be afraid to ask those tough ones. "Do you have a criminal record?" or "what cable channels do you subscribe to?"

You guys are funny!! I can't stand it when someone puts the tp on backwards, but isn't that a question for someone you are thinking about living with??!! LOL ... If a girl asked you that on a first date, you'd think she was nuts!

LOL @ the cable channels ... what does that tell ya? Have you ever watched HBO in the middle of the night?

InnI...define "backwards" please.

InnI, isn't everyone you date potentially someone who would stay at your house or at some point live with you. I don't want to be months into a relationship and have them spend the night and find out after they are done in the bathroom in the am that they have put the TP on backwards, or squeezed the tooth paste tube in the middle and didn't put the cap on. Or some other terrible thing that will cause you to have to go to therapy.

Back before all cars had power locks, after I unlocked the door and opened it for my date to get in, if they didn't reach over and unlock my door by the time I got around the vehicle, it really killed the chance at a second date unless the sparks were starting little fires every where.

If we don't have our standards and stick to them we end like we (most of us) are now single and lonely.

quote:

Originally posted by dalilamakarma:
[qb]
Back before all cars had power locks, after I unlocked the door and opened it for my date to get in, if they didn't reach over and unlock my door by the time I got around the vehicle, it really killed the chance at a second date unless the sparks were starting little fires every where.

If we don't have our standards and stick to them we end like we (most of us) are now single and lonely. [/qb]

OMG!! That is too funny. So you guys have those little character tests too? I thought that was only us girls that did that. Wow talk about putting the pressure on. I'll never be able to date again. Here I always thought I had an edge on the whole subtle test thing. I can spot red flags like hawk. I don't always pay attention to them, hence why I'm with all you folks right now, but I do see them. My last was practicaly a one man parade he had so many, but I figured where he was really the rebound guy it wouldn't last anyway so why not kill some time, lol.

I have about 10 little tests, they have to get half to even be considered for a second date. And usually they need to pass 7-8 of them. I just know that if they can't meet a lot of these criteria, that we could be friends but we could never be true partners, and I am afraid of wasting time in a relationship that I know won't grow. I have let some slide in under 5, and can't say that I regret it but they were very short term relationships that filled an empty space for a period of time.

And no I won't tell you what the rest of the test are. You never know someone on here might be a potential date. LOL

Your killing me! Just a hint, ppppuuuleezzzz? (as roger rabbit would say)I am completely fascinated now. I'll never be able to sleep without knowing. How could you deprive a hard working single mom of her sleep?

Ok if that didn't work, look at it as helping those of us struggling with dating so that we can better understand how a man's mind works. Teach us your wants and desires so that we can learn to better please you and your kind. You may be helping to create the perfect woman for one of your fellow brothers. We don't understand what you want we are but simple creatures. Please we are here to learn, teach us oh wise Dali. (bows on knees repeatedly)

C'mon Dali!!! You can't do that to us!!!

About 10 tests - wow! I guess I've never thought of specific tests. I do know communication and friendship is the most important. I'm kind of at a point that I won't even date someone unless they are a friend first. This way, I can get to know them and analyze before actually 'dating.' My friends and family say I'm picky and should tolerate more. Now I can tell them I know someone that has 10 little tests like do they unlock the car door. Btw - that's a good one. I can't imagine that there are women that don't pass. It's a good test too!

Now see, I have a bit of a gripe about the car door thing. While I do understand the concept I experienced this first hand. I had it happen where I was on a date with a guy (a loser mind you but this was the first date), and he had this big lincoln but the locks didn't work and he told me that. So just like in your scenerio, he lets me in the car, I get in reach over, which took effort in that boat,and not only unlock but push open the door. Well, butthead gets in looks at me dead in the eye and says "why did you do that? Didn't you see I had the key? You just saw me open your door" Stupid me thought he was kidding. I just said "oh I just thought I'd save you the trouble of doing it". He says "if I needed you to open it I would have told you so"

FREAK!!!! Anywho since then I wouldn't even dream of doing it again. So I would have failed your test and you would have missed out on one of the most fantastic girl's alive, me.

Scoutmom, I hope you ran as far away as fast as you could. But you simply proved why I have tests, if you are going to hold something against me because of something a former date did.....

If we went out should I hold against you that my ex slept with a friend of mine and never let you meet my friends. You should be nice and considerate and treat your date the way you would like to be treated. And forget about what some other jerk did.

And I did say some people have failed that test and still got a second date if other things made up for it. And I think I am being pretty fair in saying that most who pass 1/2 the test get further dates.

I am sure I have been tested on dates, and am certain that I have not meet some peoples standards of something. I had one girl stop dating me when she found out I didn't have a degree, and another one stopped seeing me when she found out I had been in the Marines.