Okay, if I offended with my remark and analogy about picking up a dirty spoon and open relationships I am sorry. It was an ignorant and judgemental choice of words that I deserved to be called on. I do know people in open relationships and like I said, if handled responsibly and with the consent of all involved it can be fine. I didn't mean to lump these rare individuals into a group with those who drop their drawers for any and all. Don't see it working for me anytime soon though. I certainly don't have the track record to be an expert on any kind of intimate relationship. LOL.

Wow, a good old fashined SFV debate. This is kind of fun actually since I love to argue. The beauty of it is that as much alike as we all are in the issues we face as single parents we are all in fact very different people with different beliefs about what is right and wrong for us as individuals. It would be a very boring world if we all felt the same about everything. Just for the record, I don't think any less of my friends and family for partaking in the kinds of things that they may find fulfilling. My best friend in the world has led a very different adult life from me. I would be very uncomfortable doing some of the things that he does. Not because I think it is so much morally wrong but because those things are not right for me. What is wrong for one person may be perfectly fine for another and when all is said and done I have to respect that. I still love my buddy like a brother. It's not like he is doing anything that is a danger to anyone. The same goes for my SFV partners. I may not live the same way as many of ya'll but I still love ya. If your talking about human nature a common trait that is much more destructive than open relationships is our tendency to throw stones in order to feed our own egos and make us feel better about ourselves. I know most everyone here including myself would admit to being guilty to that at some point. Open relationships are wrong FOR ME. If my partner wanted to do it I wouldn't necassarily disagree with them as long as I had the option of watching. I'm done.

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
BTW if we all go back and read the initial post it asks the question "could you do this?" not "is this wrong".

Exactly and I guess the real reason why I asked is because I'm somewhat heading towards that direction myself. Sorry HB for repeating this thread ..

I've recently started dating an ex from about 2 years ago. We both just came out of another relationship with people who wanted more of our time, and being single parents, we felt we were giving more than we were able to offer just to keep them happy. In the end, it just got to be too much and we ended it with them.

So why not be exclusive together? We get along great and always have been but we're also quite opposite in character. He's a social butterfly and very physically active. I'm not. I'm active but my son is attached to my hip so I'm limited in what I can do. I can't just hike up a mountain or take a day trip to the States because that would cost me a lot in babysitting costs. Lets be practical here. He also has joint custody so when he doesn't have his daughter, he can plan get-away trips with friends and I can't. In fact, he's leaving tomorrow for a week long trip with his ex. She's quite the social butterfly herself and participates in all sorts of sporting activities with him. She's not a single parent though. Sooo, I'm thinking, is it so bad to date a person who's dating us both if we can all come to a middle ground? The fact that she can take these trips or do the triathalon with him, is a stress off my back. On the flip side, I like having him as a companion, he's a good friend and I don't want to isolate myself entirely. We're both single parents so we can relate with each other very well. We all know of each other and she's still taking this trip with him so I'm guessing she's fine with it as well. So is it so bad? It's not like we're sleeping around with every dick and sally!

Anyway, we've only started dating for the past 2 weeks .. so I just thought I'd ask you all and see. I guess I'm feeling kind of guilty but at the same time, our situation seems ideal for the both of us right now.

quote:

our situation seems ideal for the both of us right now

well, if it aint broke....
just go with it and enjoy

Definitely NOT okay with an open relationship. Not once you're finally settled and serious with someone, then in my opinion, they shouldn't feel the need to be with antoher partner in that way. I know I don't/won't. Plus, I'd never stay with someone at this point in my life that wasn't compatible in the area of the "bedroom"!! lol

And Amy, whatever is your opinion and what you do is fine and your business. Nobody should judge you. If we were all "perfect" decision makers, we probably wouldn't be on this board in the first place! hahaha!! I'm cool with whatever ppl feel is acceptable to them and I'm impressed that you're open enough to be honest!! Power to you!! You don't fit in the "sick and dirty" category in my book.

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
miss jes if it's working for you right now then that's what you should do. There may come a time when it isn't working for you so you can always walk away, no harm done.


JerZ I'm really not all that worried about people's opinions of me....lol. I just like poking sticks at people who think they have right to sit in judgement of their fellow human beings. Isn't judging people a sin as well? Hmmmmmm

Never fails, any serious debate turns into one of relegion(sp) . man I can't spell this morning.

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
well, if it aint broke....
just go with it and enjoy

WOOT! WOOT!

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
miss jes if it's working for you right now then that's what you should do. There may come a time when it isn't working for you so you can always walk away, no harm done.

Well that's kind of my thinking too. I don't suspect it'll last for years to come but for now, no one is being hurt in the process. Thanks Amy!

Wow I didn't realize my advice for a friend would spawn such a conversation starter. While I personally wouldn't have this type of relationship and to some extent don't understand it, I don't believe in judging other people for their choices. I think if you are in a healthy, happy relationship that works for you then great.

Having gone through what I went through with my ex (him getting married while we were together and me not ever finding out about it until almost 3 years later!!) I can honestly say that I wouldn't be able to handle an open relationship. I would never willing go through anything remotely like what I went through before.

I understand why some people would want this type of relationship, and if it works for them, great. I actually think these woman have alot more self confidence than I do...but I never learned how to share...failed that part of kindergarten!

Could I? NO
Would I? NO
Should you be condemned for it? NO

As long as your aware of the ramifications of an open relationship and the sexual responsibility you have to your partnerS (and vice versa) then more power to you I guess. Can you walk away from this unscathed (as in not get hurt)? I sincerely doubt it, but as long as your aware of that and it's a chance you're willing to take..Happy Polyamory-ing to you!

I think I'd be willing to accept this for the same reasons Miss Jes gave. I don't really have the time/money to give most girls the attention they desire from a boyfriend, so if they want to date other guys go for it

It's not something I want though. I don't know if I could handle 1 girlfriend, let alone 2.

TMI

Parker told me in the car that e wants to marry, kiara, Angel and maddie because e loves tem all can not pick just one...parker said love is to be shared....ummmm--am I raising a womanizer or a hippie??????