Are they a bad thing?

As screwed up as I am right now, I honestly don't want to be all alone after the move. I'll only have the girls half the time.

Assuming I meet anyone, and I'm upfront about not wanting to get too involved, would this be a detrimental thing (NOTHING would ever happen around the girls, only when I don't have them)?

No, nothing is happening and won't until the divorce is final. Just looking for thoughts from people who have been there.

I don't think they are a bad thing or detrimental. That is if you keep them seperate from your children and you explain your feelings and the situation up front. Don't let anyone go any farther than you are ready for and I think they are fine. I think you deserve one, to be honest!

Good answer!

I can honestly say that I will not allow myself to become attached to anyone, and have no problem being honest up front.

Its weird to be thinking of myself.

Just be careful and smart about it, and there shouldn't be an issue. Just make sure that you are fair and don't dump all of your issues on that person, then up and run off. I hated that when I was the rebound catcher.

No way.

I'll use this as my dumping ground, but at some point I'm going to be ready to try and have a life of my own.

This is all assuming the shared custody works out, of course.

I think that anytime you use someone (even if they are informed of your intent) it will end up being detrimental. I am sorry, I very much disagree with the other advice you have been given. I think meaningless relationships are, well just that, meaningless. And someone usually gets hurt. I personally think they are irresponsible but that is just my opinion and you know what they say about opinions... everyone has one and they all... well I'll just leave that saying there.

No, I can respect that.

However, why does it have to be meaningless? Why can't two people have such a thing without expectations of marraige? If we're still talking about a mutually acceptable situation, and even a monogamous one at that, I just can't see the harm. Could it eventually be something? Who knows. Not ruling anything out but I know that I can't think long-term right now.

I understand that its not ideal to some.

Usually relationships that are seen as "re-bound" usually don't work that way because the one that is on the rebound has not worked through their issues concerning the last relationship and cause what could have been a good relationship to destruct. I am sure that sometimes it can work out I am just very sceptical of that happening. I do know a woman (one of my best friends mother) who has been in that type of a relationship for a long while. She and he know they will never marry but are happy to be friends (with benefits) for life. No wait, they did decide to marry but that isn't for another year or so and they have been doing this for some time (more than 10 years I think). However, she did not jump into this right after her divorce.

One question for thought, are you thinking about doing this because you think you need it or because your ex is in a relationship and you have issues with that?

Actually, neither one.

I know that I'm one for marraige. The years before my wife took ill were perfection. I could never ask for anything more and will feel lucky to find it again.

However, I do have concern about latching on to the first person I find and wanting it to be the same. Therefore, I refuse to let myself do that. I'm not looking to use anyone, just find someone who might mutually benefit from the scenario.

This isn't about the physical (well, not only), its more about having a companion. I have no wild oats to sew, and I know what I want from life.

Funny thing is that the entire time I am thinking about this scenario the movie High Fidelity with John Cusack was playing in my mind. If you haven't seen it you should, very funny and disturbingly enlightening too.

Nope, never seen it.

Should I be laughing or disturbed?

Maybe a little of both? I loved and hated the movie at the same time. I was told by a guy friend of mine if I wanted to know how men really think I should watch this movie. I was very disappointed most of the time but entertained at the same time. Plus, I have a thing for John Cusack soooo....

OK, I'll have to see it.

Maybe its just the guy in me, but I just can't see the huge problem. I have never, and will never be disrespectful, a liar or a cheater. I will not even entertain these thoughts until my divorce is final. I can't explain why, its just how it is.

I would never be with someone who was married/living with/seriously dating anyone else. Its not worth it, and I can't imagine having that little respect for another human...whether I know them or not.

This is a first for me. I've been with one woman since I was a teenager and have now been replaced. Maybe it will change me, but I ultimately want the same thing most other people do...a loving marraige.

OK, rant over, I'll get the movie.

I didn't take you as being that type of guy anyway. Just having read your story and seeing the pain you are going through, huge warning bells went off when I read the begining of this thread. That might just be the woman in me LOL.

Let me know how you like the movie, oh and it's not a family movie so I would make sure to watch it after nightime.

Here's MHO. A year after my ex. and I split, I started talking to a neighbor friend of mine. Very slowly we exchanged #'s talked on the phone a few times, hung out with each other. I asked him if he would be my on call booty call. No strings attached. Because there were no expectations, I was totally myself with him. WE became friends, and booty call buddies. He's got my back. Its been a year now, and he wants more of a relationship. I keep telling him, that I'm not ready to share that much yet. I keep wondering if its going to come back to me now. If I am the one who will end up hurt in the end, because he has these feelings for me. I knew the moment he started talking serious that I should end it right there. He was changing the rules. I've backed off a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing? Maybe I'll end up like schoolmommys friend.
I know this may sound weird, but he and I can burp and fart in front of each other. My ex did not allow that. (It wasnt lady like!!) I think its really important that I can be me with him. Sometimes I wonder if the man I've always wanted is the one who is right in front of my face. Then I think.....
Neither of us was cheating on anyone though, and had had some time since our previous relationships.