ex's.....what sort of continuing ties does he have with any ex's.....friends, enemies, or indifferent?
Someone I dated thought it was perfectly fine to have a standing one night a week dinner "date" with an ex. She didn't consider it a date because they prepared dinner and ate at his house, instead of going out somewhere

Did it come with dessert?

:P

You have to be careful when asking questions. If this guy (in general) reaks of red flags, he may give you all the "appropriate" answers he thinks you're looking for. I guess you have to see him in his own element. How does he relate to his mom? How many good friends, male/female does he have? How is he around children? How financially secure is he .. does he appear to spend a lot of money or is he more consciencious about it? How does he interact with the general public .. a waitor/waitress, hostess, etc. He does he deal with disappointment.

Ask him if he has ever been abducted by aliens and probed by Lola...

quote:

Originally posted by Tessmit:
Rebecca,

My favorite thing to look at is how we resolve problems together. Do we accomplish goals well?

Here's a task.... try cooking dinner together. Both of you don't have to be cooks... just plan a menu, grocery shop, prepare, cook, and enjoy.... well hopefully. How did both of you work together?
Were you at each other's throats?
Can't wait till the task ended?
Did you guys laugh at blunders?
Did anyone blame someone for mistakes?
How did you overcome difficulties... like someone forgot to get the onions at the store?

If the two of you can set goals and accomplish them together.... a very big plus+++

Actually this is funny because we've spent a lot of time in the kitchen and the grocery store together already. We even cooked lunch for my Father this past Sunday. We do fairly well getting tasks done without any issues and I'm the one who tends to get edgy and he stays all even keeled (though sometimes he claims I'm scary lol) We joke about most everything rather than get truly bothered by any of the frustrations of being in a small kitchen together.

He constantly asks me what he can do to help or if I need anything when we're in the kitchen. My only pet peeve is that he tends to snack before a meal while its being cooked. I'm working on deciding if I'm gonna let that be an issue or not. I mean....who wants to watch someone fill up on **** while cooking a big meal on the stove? But honestly he still finishes every bite of what I cook ...its just that he's teaching my kids this nasty habit too.

*sigh*

I found out last night that he's a pretty good sport. He ended up getting a glass of milk poured down his lap last night. umm...I may or may not have done it on purpose. lol.

Mind if I ask a serious question here.....

You would actually consider snacking while cooking an issue in a relationship..??

Well....when it happened last night I wasn't as bothered by it because I had just thrown a pizza in the oven. But the other day when I had thrown together a full dinner and had spent an hour over the stove and he popped open a can of slim jims...yeah I was preturbed.

Its not the snacking so much that I would consider the issue but the fact that he sits there and eats chips and **** right in front of my kids who have been told they need to wait until dinner is on the table. Am I gonna break up over it? No...but am I gonna have to think how I need to process it...yes probably.

You'll have to remember that I've been on my own and not in a relationship where I have had to try to do any compromising for a long while.

Becca. You know I wish nothing but the best for you and Ben. I really hope he is everything you want and need. I have alot of opinions floating around in my head concerning the TOUGH QUESTIONS, most of which I will keep to myself for personal reasons. Reading your post and the responses just reinforces my current stance on not dating. I don't like to feel interrogated and I don't think anyone else does either. If you have a problem with something he is doing then by all means talk to him about it ASAP. But before you do that think about how you would feel if he were the one confronting you about something he had issues with. I guess that is the big difference I've found between men and women. It probably says alot about why I am single. Don't talk to him like you are his mom. Remember, this is all new to him as well but don't avoid issues just to keep the piece. Also, don't make something a problem that isn't really that big of a deal. It's different when kids are involved because you have to think about what is best for them as well. Now I'm talking in circles. Does any of that make sense.

No...it makes sense.

And I don't want any of you to think that I'm going down a checklist of questions and interrogating him! Oh heavens no!

Most of the stuff I've asked has been in conversations and pertinent at the time. Other questions are internal observations as we go along. I dated a guy years back that seemed to have a check list of items he went down with me and I hated it!

I do need to learn not to sweat the small stuff, that I know about myself. Its definitely one of the issues I've had with relationships in the past. I try to play it off as no big deal but my face gives me away, so I need to figure out how to let it go.


I really do appreciate all the help on these 'tough questions' from everyone. See, I'm trying not to go completely blind into this relationship. I want to be thinking as well as feeling. You guys have brought up some really great things to think about as we go forward.

I agree that it does make sense....
Having a laundry list can also be a set up for failure...
And honestly in your case here Naptown I was concerned that perhaps your past fears are making you too picky...
Since your last response I feel a little better but just don't go over board with it...

As with the snacking...there could be a lot variables in this...
Has he worked all day and dinner is not quite ready yet...just an example...
As far as the kids go sometimes adults do things that kids aren't allowed to do....
You said he does eat what you cook...if the kids don't after snacking then by all means they shouldn't...

Hannah and I cook together all the time and we snack while cooking and it doesn't effect her eating dinner...


As long as I've been here I don't recall ever seeing you in such good spirits my naptown friend...
I'd hate to see that change because you stressed over something you shouldn't...got it...

Have A Happy Day....

Rebecca,

I think you're asking yourself if

Is this the real thing?


Well... are you both laughing and smiling? Enjoying the day, time together?

Savor it

Find moments to let him know how much you appreciate him... look for moments you know he cares.

Those are the things you're going to hold on to when things get tough.