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"Active Board Parent" At A loss for Words - NOT!  |
I think this dating thing is just not for me, I don't get all excited and happy about the prospect of another date with this person (or any for that matter). We have gone out 3 times (all 3 times to a bar, her call) and it is just not fun like I feel it should be. We are supposed to go out on Thursday, but I don't think I am going to. I think I am going to tell her that, I have to much on my plate right now.
I do get lonely for female company (heck at this point I get lonely for any adult company LOL), but I just can't seem to get excited about it like I remember from the past. No pre date jitters, more like dread, like I hope it is over quick so I can go home. I am wondering if it is just this person, or if it is me and I am just not ready to date yet. I don't even seem to enjoy going out with my friends to try and meet potential dates. Maybe it is all the stress of going back to school and the court stuff with my ex. Maybe I need to see a shrink, maybe it's depression. I don't feel down, just not excited about dating. I guess I am curious if anyone else has felt like this? And if so does it go away? Did you force yourself to date. It is freaking me out a little. The fact that I used to be a little bit of a ladies man and was always out dating and having fun. And now I almost would just as soon stay home and watch CSI reruns. Maybe I am just growing up, and part of me can tell that there really isn't a chance of a serious relationship with this person. Any comments or feedback would be much appreciated. And I apologize if I rambled a bit in this, but it is hard to be succinct when you are confused. |
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On the Board |
sounds to me as if its not the dating but where you are going. done got past that "early Twenties bad boy, run a muck" stage and now you see life as it really is. just let her know you are more interested in something other than the bar scene.
I am not sure I would like to go to a bar every time I went out either (not to mention I don't drink) |
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Parent on Board |
be honest with her and yourself, maybe your not ready to date, and its not a priority for you, theres nothing written that you have to go out on dates, maybe it is just her. if your feeling overwhelmed, see about talking with someone, i know how you feel, you dont want to be alone sometimes, you just dont want the stuff that goes along with it.
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"THE PURPLE GRAPE...How I feel! LOL" Board Beacon Parent |
Dear dear dali,
Growing up is so horrible isn't it?! I'm going to be 28yrs in September and going out to bars is not my thing. Maybe once a month if that! It's hard reality to face but I have the same sickness too and thats the "OMG i've grown up!" sickness. Ok funnies aside. I have to argee with wyatt and HMCR there is nothing wrong w/you. I don't think there is anything wrong w/the girl either. It's just the age old thing of wanting different things from another person. And the bar dating is not what's it's crakced up to be lately. Proven fact on me...I meet my unborn baby's dad at a bar I used to go to. Should have told me something yea think LOL! Anyways just tell her that you're looking for someting a little more. Having children make people grow up really fast as well. Sometimes it's hard to make people see your proitites in life if they don't have kids. I find it dreadful to go on dates many times. To me it's just time I could be spending catching up on things I missed doing all week while I worked. It's normal. There a few guys that I have felt very happy to meet or date more than once. So it's nomral either that we are both weird at the same time. Hey meet you at the therapist LOL  Well I've ramble enough and I hope this some how made you feel better. Wishing you good luck on the dating issues. Hey get pregnate and single and then you don't have the worry about dating or the dread part of it. LOL It worked for me. Although I have a feeling that if you got preggers you would have every woman after you LOL SPIRIT |
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Parent on Board |
i know spirit, not like i have to fight them off right now at 34 weeks along, but it would make it easier to get over the ex by meeting someone new, i just dont want to waste my time with the wrong ones, i did that when i was single and wasnt pregnant ive just decided that with no exceptions, if someone isnt into children, i dont want to even go there, im a package deal and i dont want to hear that the kid thing is too much for them, they know you have one, so if there is any doubt they can deal with it, move on.
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Parent on Board |
I feel for ya Dali.
I tried dating a few times and wont even get into the details. Its such a different world after having kids. Not too mention I feel guilty about having a babysitter so I can go on dates. And the bar thing. The #1 worst place to meet people. To put it nicely, my ex liked drinking a bit more than me, so for me, meeting someone who hangs out at bars puts a very familiar picture in my mind.. Im sure in time things will get better. |
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"...if only I could fly!...." Setting New Standards  |
OK all you young pups! LOL ... Wait till ya hit 40!! Does this make me older than dirt??? Seriously tho..... Dali ... It sounds like a combo deal. #1 - She doesn't really spark your interest. I agree with those who incourage you to be honest with her. You seem like a great guy, so you don't want to accidentily lead her on. After 3 dates, you should know if the chemistry is there or not. If you literally dread going out with her, don't do it! #2 - You DO have a lot on your plate, and stress has a way of taking some of the fun out of life. If you think she might be someone you could be interested in, tell her you are not ready to date but you are willing to be friends. Just be honest with yourself - and with her. Now... "Does it go away" ... speaking from YEARS of experience (wink) ... yes it does. I go thru stages, and when I have court and school on my plate - dating takes a back seat. It's hard work! Right now, I'm not really up for it. I currently do not go out with my friends like I used to, and most of my free time is spent reading, or posting on here. I've been thru this before, and I know it goes away. A few months from now, I hope to be back to my old self again... because it does feel like depression..even tho, yer not exactly unhappy. CSI is a good show .. nice choice, btw. Lastly, (the last of my 2 cents) ... if it's just the bar thing that bothers you about going out with this girl .. suggest a movie, or something YOU like to do. If she really likes you, she'll be more than willing to do something that interests you.  :huggies: |
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"Board Blazen Parent" At A loss for Words - NOT!  |
Okay Dali here is my perfect idea of a date or dating, no jokes.
IF and that is a big IF I were to start dating. I don't see me going on a "date" like you think of one. I think I would prefer to just hang out and do what I normally do so to speak. Okay like there was this kind of sort of thing going on with an internet friend. It just flowed and was so natural and that is what I would want a date to be. Instead of all the hype of getting ready and him picking me up and all the jazz that goes with it. I personally would prefer to have him come over and just go fishing, or riding horses, or cook out on the grill, shoot some pool, hang out on the front porch and drink a beer or icetea whatever. Or the other way around. I think you get the point. I personally can not see myself just meeting someone and going out on a "formal" date. Just not my style. I think I would like to know him as a friend first. I know I did it before I got married, sort of, but would just rather it be more down to earth and real to life. Maybe you are just getting more "real" in your life and need someone who is willing to except you for who you are in your home environment. I really am not sure myself but I do know that going out on a "date" does not interest me right now although like you I do miss having the opposite *** around to share with. I hope in my strange unsure ways I am of some help. Keep your chin up and it willhappen. |
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I am New to SFV |
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I am New to SFV |
I know what you mean Trasaris...The drinking thing automatically throws me into a flashback of my ex also...It all gets so complicated trying to date with kids and still keep some sanity and structure in you and your children's life...I mean how can you be spontaneous and flirt with a house full of teenagers...Lol-well I guess there are ways....I just can't seem to get it all together...or maybe I just don't want to....
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Parent on Board |
I agree. Dating sucks. Dinner and movie is a waste of time and money. Its alot easier to talk and get to know someone doing normal things. Of course theres always the case where you end up in the "friend zone" |
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"Board Blazen Parent" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
See the friend zone, I think, should come first.
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Parent on Board |
I was refering to the point where two people become really good friends and one wants more but the other decides they have such a good friendship they dont want to ruin it. Been there, dont that |
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"Lively & Zealous Parent" Lively & Zealous Parent |
Snicker, snicker lol CSI re-runs... I am soooo there. I feel exactly the same way you do Dali. Besides that show is just full of hotties.
Anywho, I don't feel it is necessarliy an age thing in the sense you forget to have fun, but just that you realize you don't have the time or patience to deal with trivial BS. Sounds like this lady is just not right for you and better to realize it now. My great-grandmother is always telling me if a guy doesn't "send me", then I shouldn't even bother. I hate the idea of dating I'd like to skip directly to happier ever after, but I do love the pre-date jitters, waiting on pins and needles for the phone to ring, etc. I tend to like that walkin' on air feeling when you get interested in someone. I don't think any of that goes away with age, it's just that in time your priorities change and it's a lot harder to find someone who fits right in the picture. I know I am perfectly content to lay on the couch with the pooch and fantasize about Grissom and the gang until I meet the guy the makes me feel all twitterpated. You should never settle for anything less. Oh, and don't fear the "friend zone" although you guys seem the have a very hard time with just being friends with a lady. The best relationship I was ever in started as a friendship. The others started at the date level and they all ended in disaster. I think its because with a friend you develop an attraction based on mutual interests, but a date is usually a physical attraction and once that subsides "poof" there goes the interest. I've always found that if I like someone enough to call them my friend I can always find something physically attractive about them, but I can't say I find the same for the reverse. My last BF was very good-looking but had the personality of a hibernating slug. Puleez I'd take Drew Carrey over Tom Cruise anyday. |
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"Lively & Zealous Parent" Lively & Zealous Parent |
Sorry Trasaris too much list lag, disregard my dribblings on the "friend zone" thing. I get what you mean, but I would still rather take a chance on the friend thing first.
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