I am a divorced mother of 2 boys, 8 and 3. About 6 months ago I started dating this great guy! He is 10 years younger than I am but more mature than most I have ever met. He is great with my boys. He has been married before also but has never been around children much. We are discussing possibly moving in with each other, he having his own room and sort of being a "room mate". I am not comfortable with the idea of us sleeping together in front of them until we are married. I want to but am afraid of the impact. My problem is every time he comes over, the boys are so overly affectionate with him. They are constantly sitting right next to him, saying his name and asking him to look at this, look at that, telling him they love him and hugging him. It is too much. I want them to like him but he/we need our space. We have tried talking to the oldest but don't seem to get anywhere. A little tid bit, their father is still letting them sleep with him and does not stand ground or show discipline at all. I can't do anything about that, he is not someone you can communicate with. I have a wonderful new relationship that has so much potential, I don't know what to do! Any advise would be so helpful!!!!! Thanks!

What is your goal here? I don't think I am getting it. Sorry.
Perhaps I am just missing something to this here, sorry.
You want your boyfriend to move in, but for your kids to leave him alone?

Do you think your kids are too attached to him? Too affectionate?
Does your boyfriend want them to spend less time with him?

Maybe moving in this soon in the relationship is just too soon.

I am considering moving in together, we have been dating 6 months and yes that seems soon but we have been friends for over a year. I am very happy my children love him, don't misunderstand me. My problem is that they are too affectionate with him. Whenever he is over, they are all over him. Constantly wanting his attention. If he sits down on the couch they fight over who will sit next to him and the one who wins will lay their head on him and hug and lay all over him. I have great boys and I am just trying to find a way to deal with them giving him too much affection without seeming like I am punishing them for being affectionate kids. My boyfriend loves them and is very good with them but is not use to all the affection all the time. Yes, we have decided that he needs to ease his way in instead of diving in feet first. We just want to find the best way to handle all the affection without hurting or harming their feelings. It was mainly my 8 year old, I have had several conversations with him about it with no results. Now my little one has picked up on what big brother does and my boyfriend is getting a double dose of constant hugs, I love you's and hearing his name over and over and over. I know children will be children and I am very lucky to have such great boys. He realizes that too. Its just he is not use to this and to be frank I have never seen them this affectionate or act this way over anyone. I am lucky to have found him, we are best friends, I feel like I finally found my missing link. I want to figure out a way we can all live together in some sort of harmony. I feel like a referee most of the time. Yesterday, my boyfriend told them "guys, I love you but I need a little space now" it worked for a little while and they were right back at it.

how long has this been occuring? Just recently or all the time, if it's just recently, then they are just excited and eventually seeing him all the time willmake the newness go away and they won't be very affectionate as before. Do they do this with their father, if so, then perhaps they think it's ok to be this affectionate. Perhaps you can say it's ok to give a hug once in awhile or say his name once in awhile but not all the time, and if they continue to repeat the hugs or name they will get a time out sitting somewhere for awhile? You just got to do something in a constant way so they know you're serious.

I dont know if this will help but would your boyfriend be willing to take the first half hour in the door playing a boardgame with them.I just wonder if we show them a new way to get attention instead of hanging off him.Redirect them into something you are more comfortable with like we can cuddle and read a story .Hope this might help a bit.hugs Gail

I am new here. I have a son 17, and 2 girls 7 & 9. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and my daughters were the same way. They eventually stopped being so affectionate to him. He has no children also. We knew each other for about 20 years but just ended a 3 year relationship. Our relationship has fallen apart, mainly due to problems with my son. He still wants to be able to see the girls. He was always good to them. Played games with them, took them to ride their bikes and such. Things their father would never do with them. Your boys will probably be less affectionate as time goes on. My nephew is very loving to any new man who comes around him. He's fuuny, he will constantly say the person's name and stay close but he eventually moves on to his next victim LOL I can't say how to handle it though. As long as everyone's comfortable with it just ride it out. Hopefully your new man will stick around and be a good role model for your boys. Also my girls don't trust just anyone, they seem to know when they aren't comfortable with someone. Before this boyfriend I dated a guy and my daughters wouldn't go near him, where they were comfortable from the start with this last relationship. Maybe encourage the boys to do a project on their own, make pictures for him or something else they can sit and do alone, then reward them with some tv time with the 2 of you or a walk.
Hope everything works out!
Kim