for a single parent to introduce the kids to and have them spend time with the girlfriend/boyfriend?

I say it's appropriate when you KNOW that there is going to be a future with this person. Once you know it's serious and you want to have them in your life, you need to see how things go with the kids. How they treat your kids and vice versa. However I haven't even been close to doing that, so I'm not sure. That's just my thoughts on it.
Good Luck!

Amy

Also, I'd really rather not ask anything to my ex about this. One I'm glad he has somebody, have hoped for it because maybe it will help keep him off my butt ya know. But, now he's taken the girls out to lunch with her.... so I'm wondering if I really have the right to know anything here.

I'm really not wanting to ask for more reasons. Once I do he'll think I'm jealous HE is with somebody and might start up his ways again.....

What I want to know is if he's just introducing somebody he's been out with once or twice and will do this with everybody he meets or is this o.k. and there is some definite potential that they will be together for a good long time.

My girls do not need anymore disappointment right now.

Also, here's the total mommy thing. If she is going to be spending a lot of time with my children well, I want some information!

course he reads here anyway and he or his friend is a member so what am I thinking..... well maybe he'll also read responses

I feel that if his thing between his new GF and him is serious than yeah you have a right to meet her. If she is spending time w/your kids more than maybe once a week you should know what kind of person she is. I met my X's X-wife (say that ten times fast L) after I had only been dating him for about two or three weeks. It's only b/c she was nosey and was the concern for her kids. I did spend alot of time w/her son and daughter. That was a little uncomrtable but hey that's was X-Wives are for LOL. So use it to your advantage. L

I dont think your jealous just being a mommy and wanting to make sure that you kids are safe. It sucks a little that he will assume that your jealous. God Men! You know lately everytime I type men I end up typing mean. I wonder what that could mean? Typo I think not! LOL. A little freud happening to me? Not that I'm implying anything about the men in my past LOL

SPIRIT

I think if I were dating somebody and planning to introduce him to the kids I'd let my ex know before my kids did. I wish he could have been more a man about it and just come out and told me he was planning to or been the one to say it. Maia told me his "friend" was there.

Kind of funny, the girls are totally googly eyed over her. WHich honestly could be cute except for that ex can't be an adult and speak to me about this, Parent-to-parent. That is the problem there is no parent-to-parent. I am babbling on different topics now.

Sidenote to Spirit: I always type poop for pool! read into the meaning of that one?!

Even though it might seem like it shouldnt be any of your business, once it involves your kids, it becomes your right to know who they are around. My opinion, and from what I have heard, is that you should not introduce anyone knew to your kids until you are engaged. I think you have every right to be questioning why your ex is allowing your kids to be seeing his new GF.

Whoa now hold the phone! Until your engaged? Don't you think that may come as a bit of a shocker to the kids? Hey this is so and so, yeah and BTW were getting married.

Now I am very protective of whom my son meets. In fact as far as he is concerned I have not dated anyone in three years. Truthfully he isn't too far off. My suitors go through a rigorous screening for all of our sakes. I don't want him exposed to different failed relationships, but how do you know how well they are going to be with your kids until they have met?

Now if you wait until your at the point of talking marriage that means you have invested a great deal of time and emotional energies on someone just to maybe find out he/she is going to be a jackbutt to your kids.

While yes I think you have a right to meet a potential step-parent I think you need to have some trust in your ex in their selection as well. Give it some time and if after a few meetings you still haven't met then call and ask for a meeting.

I think you should be in love with them, and as certain as any of us can be, that there is serious long term potential.

From a Mom's point of view, I understand wanting to know about the other person in your child's life. But from my point of view, I sure do NOT want to introduce anyone I am seeing to my ex husband!!!!

I'm really new at this, and I've only introduced one man (dating about a year and half) to my oldest son. What I learned from that experience is, my son really liked the guy - but things did not work out in the end... and I think my son was disappointed (not in me, but in the situation)...so -- I think I need to be even more careful before I introduce him to anyone else! The young one ... I dunno ... I'm not ready to go there.



Sue ... I can imagine what you are going thru. My ex introduces many women into my son's life... and I don't know much if anything about most of them. For awhile, he was renting out one of the spare rooms in the house to a different girl every 3 months. I hated it, but he told me it was none of my business. I wrote everything down, for the time when I go for full custody - but aside from doing that .. what legal rights do we have? None, I think.

I'm not even so into "meeting" at this moment as knowing exactly how serious this is. I mean, I guess I'm wanting to know how long he's been dating her, and I will talk to him about communicating these things ahead of time. (OMG he'd go off the wall if I did this to him, but I wouldn't have, I'd have told him first and I'd get the whoa is me I'm being replaced speech, etc. -- ok that's a vent not for this thread)

Anyway, just wondering how long or how serious most of you feel is acceptable to introduce your children to somebody?

Inni, I was posting at the same time. That is my fear here for either myself or my ex with introductions. Now there is a point where it is just life, but our children have all been through so much it is hard not to try and protect them from anything we feel we have a tiny bit of control over. But I'm guessing that the first person we each meet and think it is "the one" chance are both won't work -- heck our marraige didn't. So I know we can't protect them from all disappointments regarding girl/boyfriends.

I have contemplated this question a great deal in the past 1 1/2. There are many sides to this argument and pretty much all are good. (the untill your engaged thing may not fit that though). And I actually figured this out while posting on this forum.
Some of us were discussing how much dating sucks and that being friends first then growing into something more is a good way to go about it. With this approach, introducing your children to a friend is perfectly acceptable pretty much any time. And if things DO turn into more than friendship, I think its a lot easier to tell the kids "hey guys you remember my friend Angelina Jolie, well we have become more than friends.....(descusion varies with age of children of course)

If your already dating this person, I think you should go with your instincts. But dont wait too long, because face it, if your kids dont like her/him or vice versa, safe to say it wont last.

quote:

its a lot easier to tell the kids "hey guys you remember my friend Angelina Jolie

hahahaha ~ just a little dream there, eh Trasaris?!

too funny... I think you'd have to steal her from Brad first.

If I was dating Keanu Reeves, and I didn't introduce him to my sons, they would NEVER forgive me!! LOL

PS. You did make a good point Trasaris ... the friends first thing really seems like the way to go for single parents. Best not to rush into anything!

quote:

Originally posted by InnI:
[qb] PS. You did make a good point Trasaris ... the friends first thing really seems like the way to go for single parents. Best not to rush into anything! [/qb]

It does seem to avoid alot of problems. And even if it never makes it past the friends point, it never hurts to have good friends