to summerize

I am a single dad and have been for 7/8 yrs or so.
last year met an incredibly wonderful woman that has no kids(cant have em) and she moved in with us

anyway, we started having major probs(basically me)

this woman loves me and thse kids completly but had to leave and said "she needs 3 to 6 months of just space without me to get her head straight"

i guess my question is....when a woman says she needs space for a while does she mean just that or what?

to add, as far as i know, she has never lied to me ever

thanks for the imput

Duane

I don’t know, if it was me then it would mean exactly that - that I needed some time out to decide if I really wanted to be there. But just like men all women don’t think or act the same. Also I think if it was me and I was feeling like I needed some time out I also would be needing some of the problems sorted and you can only do that together. I have never felt distance has solved my problems but prefer talking them through. Good Luck

Wow. Thats what my ex says to me. But there has been some time when he was cheating and I divorced him and He kind of acts like he wants his family back. He keeps telling me we both need to get our heads straight. I dunno mine feels fine...WHAT does tht mean anyway?

duane, I know we just chatted some about this, and with the more details it really does seem that she could very well be allowing you some time with this as well. Perhaps just being safe with her emotions to see if things will get settled down.

If I may suggest, perhaps for some better insight, consider posting the more details. Your call of course, but personally I think it does better explain what's happening.

At any rate, hang in there for a while and I'll hope to see you posting positive updates in the future. Best wishes.

Without anymore details than what you just said I would say she really did need to re-evaluate. I know on my side that living with someone I was not married to was cloudy in itself but to add having problems to it just made it blinding. I felt like a person trying to listen to a bird singing in a rock concert. Getting away gave me the needed to quiet to hear myself think. I decided to stay away but that was because of the details that supported my leaving, in your case she may conclude to do just the opposite!

I guess in short, most women really mean that they need space when they say it.

to add more details

the problem is i had a near nervous breakdown and was taking a lot of it out on her...she begged me to seek help. I didn't(until she left)

I think she really loves us and understands but i darn near drove her to another nervous breakdown(she has PTSD)....

Im the strong silent type with nothing like this in my past...(till now)

I would guess that that episode and her own must gave been emotionally draining for both of you! I can't speak for her but personally the only reason I would leave someone I have commited byself to loving is the Three A's:

Abuse
Addiction (alcohol or drug...possibly adult literature too )
Adultery (this is because I now have the moral of not sleeping with someone until we are married---I guess you could substitute cheating here)

Emotional distress could warrant the space she seems to feel she needs. Don't give up hope and the best thing any man can do is be patient and supportive.

thanks for the input people

keep it coming

Hi Duane,
Like Don said, maybe a little more would help. It has.

I don't think all is lost. To me it sounds like the lady needs to step back and see things from a different angle.

You recognize something within needs attention. You just won half the battle. Tend to yourself so you have something positive to offer. If she accepts, she accepts the offer. If she declines, you now have something to offer yourself. Or other.

On a side note; I have a relative who has had trouble becoming a parent and they have a hard time around mine. They are loving and caring but when we're alone, I can sense the difficulties. We talked once and I found out it's the wanting that's hard. Not the having. I sympathise with them.

Best of luck.

I think that she just needs the space she asked for and you should let her have it. She may decide at the end of the break that it is time to head seperate ways, but she may not. You need to give her the time to figure that out. It is good that you got the help that you needed. That is a positive step for you and your kids. Keep your head up and know that everything is going to work out the way it should! I wish you lots of luck!

If you say she has PTSD, and you are near a breakdown, I think she is pretty scared, and rightfully so. Is there any possibility that you can go for counseling, and then maybe have her come too? If she already lived with you and your kids, then she is something special, and you two need to work it out. She needs to know that you are going to be emotionally there, and if you are then she can cope with being there with you. She needs to know that shes not going to have to repeat the same pattern. Its worth it. Work it through together. From what it sounds you have something, and its important to work it through, tough as it may seem, I think if you do, you will both be stronger.

"If you say she has PTSD, and you are near a breakdown,"

that sounds kinda bad lol

i was near a nervous breakdown...when she gets "distressed" she shuts down(and i mean completly.).meaning, she will paint the house, build a fence, reorganize everything, amke elaborate curtains ...anything that is physical or intricate and requires no emotional thought

she rented a dilipadated farmhouse just up he road(2 miles) and spends all her energies in making it livable

does that sense?

thanks

Duane

Duane, I welcome you, and if I may add to the above posterssssssss....

When she said those words did she clarify what it is that she'll be evaluating, i.e. furthering the relationship, being a potential stepmommy, not being able to have her own children, etc.? Did you ask her any of those things, if she didn't disclose them.....

Women typically do mean what they say, however she only said she needed 3-6 months. I don't know about the rest of you, but that's an awfully lengthy time to be apart from the one you love. I mean don't get me wrong, when my ex-husband went out to sea, I knew he would be returning to me, so there lies the difference of someone having to leave, and someone leaving for a good amount of time. I would say with all that has transpired get some clarification. For example, are you two going to date anyone else during those months? You see what I am saying?????

You say and believe she loves you, leave those lines of communication open, however with some clarity...

Best wishes to you....

actually, one thing that sticks in my head is her saying.."i just need to be shallow for a while"

she probably means it

tie it all together with the PTSD, she just doesnt want to think a bout anything for a while

i can talk to her on the phone bout anything, gossip Joke around, how her day was, my day etc. but if anything is mentioned even remotly deep, convo is done

"just adding more detail as Don suggested"

I think you do need to prepare yourself that it very well may be over. It doesn't sound like she wants anything more than a friendship if she cuts you off when it gets too personal. Just a thought!