so I dated this one guy for almost a year and after posting the problem I wasn't attracted to him too much, broke up and went on with my life and felt better about it too! Hence three months later, I guy I have known almost all my life asks me out to dinner, I said yes, because I didn't have anything else to do, and now he calls everyday, and because he lives right down the road, if he can't get through, he comes here. i have made it clear, that I don't want a relationship just yet, but i will go out occasionally. so what are the rules for dating today, is it right to just have dinner? and then have to break every guys heart I do try to get to see if we are compatible?

Which leads me to the next question, I think I haven't really wanted a relationship because of fear of failure again, so does the fear ever go away. I am not falling head over heals in love and that scares me because I don't know if I will ever allow that to happen to me again, and whenI do actually find myself attracted to someone, he ends up married.....any advice?
keepinghope-barely

I am interested in hearing responses to this myself. This has been my problem for quite some time and I don't find that I have been able to begin another relationship. People tell me I am being too choosy and not giving people a chance but, my view is that it now involves not just myself but, my children also. I cannot date as casually because my time is so much more precious. I don't have a whole lot of tolerance these days so, when I meet someone and I get the slightest feeling that there is something dishonest, I feel the need to get away. Dating has been something I have basically done without since I have been a mother and I don't know if I am pushing people away or doing the right thing. I don't want to be alone but I also don't want numerous people running out of mine and my children's lives. They deserve stability. Is that wrong? Maybe I am being too careful.

quote:

Originally posted by keepinghope3:
[qb] so I dated this one guy for almost a year and after posting the problem I wasn't attracted to him too much, broke up and went on with my life and felt better about it too! Hence three months later, I guy I have known almost all my life asks me out to dinner, I said yes, because I didn't have anything else to do, and now he calls everyday, and because he lives right down the road, if he can't get through, he comes here. i have made it clear, that I don't want a relationship just yet, but i will go out occasionally. so what are the rules for dating today, is it right to just have dinner? and then have to break every guys heart I do try to get to see if we are compatible?

Which leads me to the next question, I think I haven't really wanted a relationship because of fear of failure again, so does the fear ever go away. I am not falling head over heals in love and that scares me because I don't know if I will ever allow that to happen to me again, and whenI do actually find myself attracted to someone, he ends up married.....any advice?
keepinghope-barely [/qb]

If he's giving you that sort of responce it's because he's got one thing in mind. He thinks he can get you into bed, or thinks that buying your dinner is a form of prostitution that will open the door to your bedroom. Real men will take you out occasionally. If you say, not in a position to date right now, they won't even press the issue. They'll back away. They'll talk with you once in a while, keep the lines of communications open, but not press you.

Hey, if you can be stable on your own, go for it. Find your happy spot, and live in it. Some day, some really great guy will notice you happily going along, and want to get on the train with you. He won't want to derail you, won't want you to change your path, he'll want to ride with you, on the path you've chosen. Any other guy isn't worth the time.

you have a great point Sunflower, I have stressed to him that I won't participate in any premarital, so I think he knows where I stand on that issue, I know he has had a crush on me for a long time, but he could very well want to experience the process of having *** as a motivation as well. But I have this attraction problem going for me, I am just not attracted to very many men, and when I meet a nice guy I seem to try to convince myself to give it a whirl, because he is a great guy. I am so confused, but I haven't felt the butterflies.

I am new to this sight, but I have the same problem. I am so busy with my kids, that there never seems to be enough time for me. I don't have any feelings toward any men. I think that maybe it is because I am tired by the end of the day that I only want to rest. Also I am tired of men thinking that if you invite them over it is an invitation for them to go to bed with you. I guess my life is full right now with my kids, job, and school. When the time is right the right guy will come along.

This is something I have noticed also. I don't know if there a label on me saying that I am an easy target or what. Most of the men I meet don't want to go out on a date or talk. It's all about *** and that is the biggest turn off to me. I have had people make comments such as, "oh you have two children so, you much like to have ***." There are some people I have met where when we are talking they can't keep their hands off of me which is very disrespectful. I am have been called names included uptight and old fashioned because I refuse to put my self out there this way but, I wonder am I the only one who is struggling with this as far as dating. The father of my children was my only really serious relationship and the dating game just never was my thing. I like to be with one person and that is it. My dating experiences since that relationship ended have been horrible. I don't want to be alone forever but I also refuse to just give myself to any man who takes me out for a burger. I do my best to set very clear standards in the beginning so that I make sure I am not leading a man on to think the wrong things. I don't know what to do about this anymore.

quote:

Originally posted by ll1151:
[qb] I am new to this sight, but I have the same problem. I am so busy with my kids, that there never seems to be enough time for me. I don't have any feelings toward any men. I think that maybe it is because I am tired by the end of the day that I only want to rest. Also I am tired of men thinking that if you invite them over it is an invitation for them to go to bed with you. I guess my life is full right now with my kids, job, and school. When the time is right the right guy will come along. [/qb]

!Wow! There are other people that go throught the same dating issues as myself.

I have been wondering for awhile and almost accepted what may be true - that I may be single for many years to come.... Getting out for dinner is rare these days. Just doesn't happen and I don't really have the desire to make it happen. There are many people that think if we say "just friends," we really mean "win me over and we'll date." How does that happen?

Only thing I can add as advice is: Be honest with others of what your intentions are. Make sure you don't get caught up in that "head over heels." Take it slowly and any guy that really cares about you will understand.

And Holleawood! There are some men that are only interested in one thing. I have heard those comments before too. How completely rude. And if they truly know and care, the comments would Never be made.

I am glad to hear that other people have the same problem I have. I guess I have made up my mind about the type of men I will allow into my life. My friends also say I am too particular about the type of person I want to date. But you know it is not just me, I have my children to think about. I truely believe that when it is time and I am ready, God will allow someone special in my life. The funny thing I learned when I got divorced, was that men never change, no matter how old they get. They still play the same games when it comes to dating.

I will tell you. If you are patent inwhich I don't have any, but have patents.
I have found a nice guy but I am having to be VEARY paitent. i don't know if he will have room in his hart for me but at least I can go on a date and that I will have a good time.... It's more like a friendship but thats ok with me. I will tell ya being lonly sucks!

quote:

Originally posted by Alison123:
[qb] I will tell you. If you are patent inwhich I don't have any, but have patents.
I have found a nice guy but I am having to be VEARY paitent. i don't know if he will have room in his hart for me but at least I can go on a date and that I will have a good time.... It's more like a friendship but thats ok with me. I will tell ya being lonly sucks! [/qb]

Yes patience is a good thing! I am not lonely but I sometimes want to have conversations with people and go to the movies and watch a movie that is not G-rated. I will have patience, because there really isn't anything good out there, so I will wait.

Its nice to know that what we feel, must be normal! Yes I think divorce does make us more picky, but it seems like Hollywood, i attract the unattractive and needy men.......so frusterating and the real problem I have is I do meet some really great guys, but to be honesty, I don't like to sit and stare at them, I know its mean and it snot all about looks, but shouldn't I want attraction as well as a great guy or is that being too picky and shallow? I don't consider myself shallow, but if I am going to be invovled i want to feel some tinge of "wanting" that man

HERE IS A GOOD ONE...THIS DRIVES ME NUTS
I seem to attract guys that are really nice but just got out of a bad situation and cannot open thier harts to me. But need a friend to talk to. Do I have a sign that says "free counsaling secions" Or "Big sister can listen"... AH!

keepinghope,

I think it's perfectly fair to want, to be attracted, to the person you are dating. It does not mean they have to look like Brad Pitt (insert favorite hottie)... it just means - *you* have to find that person physically attractive, as well as ... enjoying their company, and wanting to spend time with them.

Single parents face a great deal of complications with dating ... and I sincerely agree with the idea that we should not parade numerous "dates" in front of our children.

Hang in there ... I can totally relate!