What a great place to vent your frustration!

I am a BRAND NEW single mom. My daughter, Aria was born on June 17th. I am 21, a full-time student and have never been married.

Recently having stumbled across the realization that I have co-dependant tendencies (co-dependants characteristically have low self esteem, have trouble giving and recieving love, have trouble being responsible, or are over-responsible, are people of extremes; all or nothing, and all of these things are caused by a gap in childhood, in my case a divorced and blended family), I have been searching for a way to get past them. My tendences (combined with hormones) cause me to constantly search for that other half of myself, a soulmate to spend the rest of my life with, someone to "complete me".

However this is impossible. No one who is human is capable of this. If my ideal mate were to come to life, perhaps they would, but not a real man. No one is perfect, and it is not right for me to rest this burden on anyone. Besides, I am still young. I should be spending time finding myself and loving my daughter. But my co-dependant tendencies rule me like some kind of bizzare drug addiction. My life is a mix of lonliness tinged with regret. I latch on to others and expect way too much out of my relationships. (of course, it was like this before my daughter was born, but now it's even worse) Now, like a newly found alchoholic going to AA meetings, I must quit cold turkey. NO drinks. NO relationships.

Can someone please explain to me how to go through life just being happy without a partner? I have spent many hours and dollars in therapy trying to figure out how to feel okay with this. I would like to develop an attitude that if someone comes along, great. If not I would like to be satisfied with that as well.

I guess the fact that I'm a single parent makes it especially poignant and painful. You want to get back into the dating game, but at the same time, your walls are so thick it's like they're never coming down. You're afraid your child will get attatched to the wrong person (as will you) while simultaneously wanting somone for them to rely on and eventually develop your little family into a "whole" one again. I would really like to be a "whole" person before that happens.

The irony of this entire situation is that the minute this is no longer important to me, someone will come along. It is longing that hails our demise.

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"And alone the eagle must fly across the sun"
~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

First step...
Brain storm that idea mate:
Write down everything that you would want in someone else that you believe would complete you!
Next :
YOU become that person!

Bless you and your new journey