quote:

I can see that this is going to be an issue that needs dealing with in the counselling that her and I have agreed to attend.

I don't know about anyone else but I had this wonderful stable relationship in my mind....
This line would indicate otherwise and that there is already a hole in the bucket...
Perhaps her concerns are more valid than indicated...

I agree with M3b as well...
It caught me too that this went from having someone you just met online showing you a bike route to a very defensive I'm going come helll or high water and no one can stop me so fuke the girlfriend...

Well smear my naked body with salt and let me loose at a deer park if you like but something stinks here my friend...
At this point I don't buy the friends are friends carp at all....
If you're looing for justification for your actions the romantics here will give it to you not me...
Why don't you be a man and be honest and end the realtionship before you do what you really intend to do...
It's guys like you that....oh nevermind I'm kicking a rock...whats done is done right...

Well, if I was looking for a sympathetic view, I guess I came to the wrong place. But that's okay - I asked, and you folks gave me your angle on it. Anyways...

What I mean by "I am not backing down on this..." is that some people slowly lose themselves because they won't say "enough is enough" in a relationship. Maybe it's because I have flown solo for many of my almost 40 years that I am stubborn, and maybe used to doing my own thing. Who knows.

And as far as the "friends are friends, regardless if they are male or female". Okay, so she isn't a friend as of now. The other people (ie: guys) are not really friends either. What they are is people who share a common passion - mountain biking. Maybe cycling doesn't mean much to you folks, but it means a lot to me and the other mountain bikers. It transcends everything else. It is NOT about hooking up with someone. It is about the ride.

As for this:

quote:

I don't know about anyone else but I had this wonderful stable relationship in my mind....
This line would indicate otherwise and that there is already a hole in the bucket...
Perhaps her concerns are more valid than indicated...

I agree with M3b as well...
It caught me too that this went from having someone you just met online showing you a bike route to a very defensive I'm going come helll or high water and no one can stop me so fuke the girlfriend...

Well smear my naked body with salt and let me loose at a deer park if you like but something stinks here my friend...
At this point I don't buy the friends are friends carp at all....
If you're looing for justification for your actions the romantics here will give it to you not me...
Why don't you be a man and be honest and end the realtionship before you do what you really intend to do...
It's guys like you that....oh nevermind I'm kicking a rock...whats done is done right...

First of all, the salt / deer expression is awesome.

More importantly, however, is the mention of the relationship. I believe that Sandra and I do have a solid relationship. Couples counselling, however, is an idea that both of us brought up and agreed to because while we have many similarities, we also have a few significant differences that could cause problems down the road. I truly don't understand her sometimes, and she doesn't get me once in a while either. Why not head off the problems before they get out of control?

quote:

Well, if I was looking for a sympathetic view, I guess I came to the wrong place. But that's okay - I asked, and you folks gave me your angle on it. Anyways...

yet oddly all it has done is cause you to dig in your heels all the more. no one here has any allegiance to anyone ie we are not taking "her" side. we only heard you explain your version with your bias and we still disagreed with you. you were unmoved by it.

i can not imagine therapy being successful for you as it appears you are looking for validation of your opinion rather than real relationship advice. compromise. respect. good words. really.

You know, what I don't get out of this whole thing is that the topic is revolving around a girl that is NOT even a friend as of yet. Does nobody else have a problem that this guy is putting his "mountain biking" ahead of his relationship?? I mean he even goes as far as calling it "sacred"...

As far as I am concerned, you are the one causing the issues in your relationship. All that Lana wants is for you to not go Mountain Biking with a female that you DON'T KNOW...Get a grip guy...Seriously. I find your whole story rediculous... Putting your desire to do ANYTHING above your relationship is a tactic only fools would use. I implore you to figure out just what YOUR problem is, not hers... You are OBVIOUSLY not as dedicated to this relationship as you are to your Mountain Biking adventure with an UNKNOWN female... Do you see that I keep stressing the fact that she IS NOT YOUR FRIEND... You are fighting one of the most ignorant battles I have ever heard of. IF this other female was a friend of yours, things would be different, BUT SHE'S NOT....Be a man and admit that you are wrong before you lose the one woman that actually wants you in her life...

Well, I suppose the majority have spoken. I accept your opinions. Gave me something to think about. Doesn't mean I am going to follow your advice.

What I am seeing is one thing getting blown waaayyy out of proportion. A woman in another province is going to show me some good TRAILS (not to be confused with a good TIME) for ONE day. Not the duration of my holiday.

While most of you may think that I am a cold, unfeeling and uncaring S.O.B., I doubt you could be much further from the truth. I doubt you know enough about me to make some of the statements I have read here.

Granted, I have quirky point of view of relationships. I don't believe that one person in the relationship should dictate the actions of the other. Oh, there are limits to that (no sleeping around, no reckless spending out of a joint account, etc).

As for this talk of the relationship being over? Maybe you will be right. Maybe it won't survive this or my sometimes unique point of view.

Tell you what - I'll stop by and let you know in a few months. Or maybe when her and I are engaged. You never know, eh?

Anyways, as much fun as it is to have my character assasinated, I got other things to do now. I wish you all a good day. And yes, I do mean that.

P.S. to Kayley's Mom: Why would you bet a red dress on anything?

You just might find that when you get back, that she's done what it seems like you won't be doing.

I've found that when the other person in your life is not included in the things that you love to do, they will find someone that will include them. Or rather, if you're gone, they'll find someone to spend time with.

I'm just saying, when you're not together, you never know what the other person is doing. Sounds like you have a good level of trust, but it's hard to tell from just your point of view.

I suggest you take what your girlfriend is asking you to do to heart. To her it may be a test for you. The fact that you did come here to ask for advice shows that at least a little bit of you knows what you want to do isn't right.

My opinion, it's ok to dig your heels in for the trip, but not with a woman you don't know and your gf hasn't met.

I'm not judging you, just saying what I would feel and think if I was in your shoes.

I'll admit that some of the opinions given might have come off a bit harsh. Keep in mind you came to a group of single parents. While the reasons we are single are varied, many speak from the experience of being in a relationship where there was infidelity. And I think we all speak from a view that we've seen in today's society and relationships as a whole, I know I see way too many "disposable" relationships. While we might be single I'd like to think that we have a decent grasp on what it takes to make a relationship work. However, that doesn't mean that we've had ex's that were also willing to put in that same work. And I'll even admit that as a whole we are not angels, I know that I had at least one prior relatioship where I was just not willing to compromise my own beliefs in the least, so I'd really hate to see someone else make the same mistakes of being too stubborn in a situation that is supposed to be about compromises.
Trust me, everybody here wishes you no harm, we've seen enough busted relationships we certainly aren't here rooting for another. That's why you've received the advice that you have. We'd much rather see others take a little precaution in handling their relationships if it means that maybe just maybe there won't be one more set of broken hearts floating around out there.
I don't necessarily agree with the way certain opinions have been stated, but I agree with the opinions themselves and the advice that is being given. You are right.....we don't know you, we only know what bits of information were provided when requesting opinions from the members here. And if I'm honest, it seems that each time you tried to defend your position, that each time brought out more stubbornness that you had already made your choice and plan full well to follow through with your original plan, and are really only disappointed that you did not get any other replies that agreed with you so that you would have a more free conscious about that choice.

Thanks for explaining some of the forum members' viewpoints, Don. I guess I should have realized that some single parents have been through the grinder, so to speak. I should know - I am dating a woman who went through h**l with her ex.

I probably got on the defensive, after reading some of the remarks. That had me digging my heels in, so no doubt I came across as somewhat of a lout.

Was I looking for agreement with what I am doing? Nope. Just wanted a better look into the female psyche. There just may be some things that I may never understand.

The ironic thing is - if I had never mentioned that one of the people I would be riding with out west was a female, the s**t would have never hit the fan. I sometimes wonder if omission (or at least filtering the facts) is a better policy when talking to a gf.

quote:

That, yes, she trusts me, but no, she is not comfortable with my spending the good part of a day with a strange woman.

Sorry, you felt attacked.
I tried to keep it simple with my first response, and then for the life of me could not understand why the heel digging from you - something from your past perhaps that you are afraid of losing the control/balance of power?? dont know, but that's how it sounds.

in a simple nutshell, relationships are work. i have never had one that was 99.5% - not even with my doggies. seems to me, that is a relationship worth saving.

you mentioned a forum for biking, well, fine, just pick someone else from the forum to hook up with on your trip. there's oodles of terrific folks on this forum i'd enjoy spending a day with. but if it came down to making my 99.5% person feel uncomfortable, i would show the respect and deference that 99.5% deserves and alter my itinerary - you are talking ONE DAY as compared to an ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. think about that. a few hours as compared to 99.5%??? cant believe it is even a second thought frankly.

no one is saying not to go on the trip - just tweak it one teensy little crumb of an iota of a smidge in a compromise. to me 99.5% is what I'D be digging MY heels in for... again, just in my little world

flatlander- i absolutely agree with Don that some of the comments were a little harsh. i think sometimes it's hard to give constructive critisim without feeling like you're being berated. i know that wasn't anybody's intention.
i have to at least give you credit for being completely upfront with your gf about this. i mean you could've easily just not mentioned anything and it would've been an non-issue...that certainly show's your integrity. whatever you decide to do..i hope it doesn't end up jeopardizing your relationship (that was everybody's main concern here). good luck. let us know how things turn out.

quote:

you mentioned a forum for biking, well, fine, just pick someone else from the forum to hook up with on your trip. ....

I tried that, certainly. There was one guy who might have been able to ride with the girl and I, but turns out he was busy. There really aren't that many other people on that forum in that live in that vicinity.

I will, of course, let Sandra know how much I care about her. I'll try to phone her once a day, and send a postcard or two. I'm spending as much time as I can with her before I leave.

Anyways, thanks to you all for taking the time to respond. I may not agree with some of what was said, but I did give what I read due consideration.

quote:

i know that wasn't anybody's intention

Au contraire my little chick-a-dee......
As I stated before...something smells here and I stand by my nose...
I'm one of the first to lend advice and support here but when things don't add up I call it like it is...
Because something just doesn't add up.....Perhaps Flatlander you could do the math for us...

A year ago your girlfriends name was Lana and she had a 4 yr old son.
This year, you say you're with the same girl and her name is Sandra and no mention of her son.
The name is really of no importance...however her having a son is of big importance here.
This is afterall a parenting forum not a dating forum...

If she does have a son:
You say you've been together for a year now, if so, one would suppose that you would be close to this child.
So now you're not only being "too bad take it or leave it" with the girlfriend but also to a small child.
That is unacceptable...especially here considering that this is a parenting forum.
And I would go so far as to say that had you disclosed this bit of information that the responses here would certainly be much different than they were. Fact you probably would have got read the riot act for being so indifferent toward a childs feelings.

If she doesn't have a child:
What exactly is your purpose for being here.
Playing on the emotions of people who take parenting as serious as we do here is also unacceptable.
If your only looking for justification for your actions in regard to dating why not take it to a dating forum.
You know why not...because even at a dating forum....or especially at a dating forum you'd get a harsher response.

So Flatlander.....please do the math for us and set the record straight here.
Then I'd be more than happy to give you nice warm fuzzy comforting advice and support.
Otherwise stop playing games with peoples emotions.

Wow HB..remind me never to get on your bad side...or maybe i'm there already

quote:

Originally posted by cailin:
Wow HB..remind me never to get on your bad side...or maybe i'm there already

Oh what could you ever do to get on my bad side...besides refusing to wear a red dress...LMAO...

It just bothers me as a father that their is a child involved here and someone thinks its o.k. to blow this kids feeelings off for their own shelfish needs. Lets face it...if you go on the trip and the gf gets mad and the relationship crumbles...the kid loses here. Someone who can without any care in the world treat a child like that shouldn't come around my house cuz you'll get slapped...and this place is like home.

The statement was made here.."whats done is done"...well I'm not the only who took that as F her I'm going. Well that F U to the GF also included a small child and thats wrong no matter how you look at it.

A response to the careless disregard to this child is in order here I think...this a parenting forum afterall...

Flatlander said he has had his "character assasinated", and that he "feels defensive." Hmm. sounds familiar.
However, he isn't a single parent, and so he could not even possibly feel the intese emotion of someone who is.
He's just trying to understand.
Relax people.