I am so confused. I have found someone who is wonderful, great to my daughter, and says he loves me. Well do to my distrust in men I continually asked him are sure you want to be with me, are you sure that you're not in love with your ex girlfriend? I caused him to doubt himself and how he feels for me. Yesterday we had a long conversation and he said that yes he loves me but he isn't sure if this is what he wants. We broke up. It destroyed me within two hours and I called him. He said that he knew he was about to make a mistake and he didn't want to lose me either. He said I was everything he had ever wanted he was just really confused about things. We agreed to continue to see each other and work on things. Now I don't know if I can handle it. I have these deep feelings for him and I don't know if he is ready for me. I can't take a loss or disapointment in my life again so I in turn am starting to detach myself from him and put my walls back. Things have changed between us and I don't know how to make it right so I am just considering ending it. Please help me to make a decision. I don't want to do anything stupid but I can't deal with things being this way. Should I just end it, should I just hang in there and hope things get better? I'm so torn.

I can only say that in my life every time I have taken off the shoe and thrown it in an attempt to stop it from falling... I hurt just as deeply as if nature had taken it's course. We can not stop pain from coming... If this man loves you ( and you love him) then you need to stop asking him if he is sure.. It's kind of like "who wants to be a millionare" You are positive you have the right answer then Regis asks you if that is your finall answer.. your sure.. well.... god maybe it's B. Nope ...See ya!!!! I know it is hard but sit on your hand put tape on your mouth just stop asking him "whtcha thnkin?" "You sure" we are a huge pain in the butt!! C'mon he is lucky to be in your life the sooner you figure that out the better you will be... Also maybe a little I am talking very little distance is okay right now.. It sounds like you are a talker and if a big subject is hanging out ther you have to poke at it to see if it is still alive.. It like a Dog on bone you can not shake that sucker off!!! If you have pleasant and shortish conversations with him you can't keep beating a dead cow!!! things will be funny for a while because you both feel weird let it gel, chill TRUST!!!!! That is the biggest gift you can give him!

But now he says that he isn't sure if being with me is what he wants. He says that he loves me but he just really confused about if he should be with me or not. What do I do about that? A friend of mine told me that I should talk to him, tell him EXACTLY how I feel, then tell him it's his baby let him rock it. Give him a week to make up his mind and then move on with him or without him. (All this in a very nice non-confrontational matter of course.) I think it would do us some good to have a little space but I'm scared to make the wrong decision and screw up this situation any more. I am not the type of person who can live with things in limbo. My head is saying just end it, he shouldn't have to think so hard about if he wants to be with you, but my heart says hang on give him some time and space and see what happens. I'm scared of losing him but I can't be with someone who may or may not want to be with me. I want that kind of love were you don't have to second guess every move you make and every word that comes out of your mouth and that is what we had until I started worrying myself sick about getting hurt. I know this is all my fault and I want to fix it but I'm scared I've done way to much damage.
It's just that he talked about his ex at least once a day. Her name came up in some way or form and I thought maybe he still loves her and if he does that's were he needs to be. I asked him if he still had feelings for her and he said, we were together for 5 yrs and we did not have a horrible break up so I have no reason to hate her i guess I will always still have feelings for her but I know that it wasn't a healthy relationship. I though maybe by my asking he would get the hint that he should stop talking about her but he didn't so I confronted him with it and then that's when the I'm not sure what I want stuff started. We had a talk after that and he said he wanted to be with me no doubt. THen yesterday he says he's still confused. Like tonight I said, (His name) are we ok? And he says yea, I'm still just confused. Ok you weren't confused, then you were, then you weren't, now you are again. It's making me crazy.
Do you all think that my friend was right I should just lay things out on the table and let the cards fall where they may?

Okay, listen, check the posts from a few days back, I posted my situation in there. I just got out of a relationship with a person I still have deep feelings for that was doing the same things that your boyfriend is doing. Although he didn't talk about the ex girlfriend that he was with for five years, he still kept in contact with her. The only thing I can say to you is if you feel deep down inside that this is not right for you THEN LET HIM GO. I know saying this is easier than doing it, but if I could have, I would've let my ex go so long ago when I had all of the signs in front of me. If you are questioning him about his feelings all the time maybe that is why he is confused off and on, because maybe he is wondering why you keep asking. Or maybe he really is just confused, my point.. don't back him into a corner because he is going to feel pressured and 9 times out of 10 he won't have any time to really see if this is something he wants to pursue and he will be the one letting you go. Right now I struggle with my issue every single day and night. Please think about if this is something you want because if you drag it on or let the relationship go on even longer, the hurt could feel like it's going to last for a lifetime. Take care of yourself, and if it doesn't work we are all here for you and someday, the right day, the perfect man will walk into your life and take all of those worries in your mind and heart away.

OK SO now I am a little on the fence....I did not relize he was actually talking about her all the time and to say I will allways love her is a cop out... I gotta agree with moniberry on this trust your gut if it is screaming at you let it go.. How many times have we ever regretted going with our intuition... how many time have we regretted NOT?????.. I must say I thought I was in love a few years ago and it was wrong for me I knew it but hung on because I was afraid to be alone.. I finally said good-bye to him and a month later the man of my dreams apppeared..

I didn't have to worry about what to do. I finally decided last night that I was going to go with my friends advice. I went to meet him after he got off work and I wasn't the only one there. As I pulled into the parking lot he was kissing his ex. Needless to say I kind of flipped out and the scene wasn't pretty. There were no punches thrown but I said everything that I needed to say. I just feel so hurt and betrayed. I finally opened my heart to someone and I got burned and to be quite honest I am devastated. I just want someone in my life who loves me and my daughter and wants nothing more than to be with me. I am so hurt. I feel like all the progress that I have made is gone. I did however burn 3 pairs of his pants, 2 shirts, and 1 pair of shorts that made me feel a little better. I let him get close to me but the worst is I let my daughter get close to him which I have never done. All I can say is I feel so hurt. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I'm lost. It seems like every time I get hurt I go lower and lower. I have an on-off switch and I don't deal with things I just turn my emotions off and that's what I'm about to do. I lost my dad 4 years ago and I still haven't dealt with that, I just turned it off. I'm at the end of my rope. Someone please tell me what to do.

lostnky,

I want to cry with you. It must really hurt to have to go through that. I hope you got everything out that you needed to say to him. You are obviously now, better off without him. I went through this before and no it is not easy but you will get through it. Please for you and most importantly your daughter's sake do not allow him to come back in and tear both of your heart's out again. Stand up for yourself, keep your head up.. cry, cry, cry and let it out. Clean your heart and soul with all of that crying. I promise you will see a better day. I know because I am doing the same exact thing and I am slowly but surely gaining myself back. Hang in there girl if you need to come onto this site everyday then so be it. One other thing I will say... do not turn your emotions off. Deal with this now because someday your emotions will take over you so badly that you will never even remotely understand how to over come it. The way to move on is to hurt about it now, deal with it now and move on. Know the situation try to understand what was right or wrong about it and move forward, you will carry this hurt with you to every relationship you have but the only way you can deal with it is if you understand it and learn from it.

I am really trying to deal with it and not hold it in. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and I am just now to the point where I am working on forgiving myself. The really sad thing is I still love him and if he came to me and said he had made I mistake I would probably take him back. I wish that I was strong enough to say that I wouldn't but then I would be lieing. I'm feeling better today. I appear to be stronger. Sometimes we have to put on a happy face so people don't know how bad they have hurt us. I truly miss having him with me. It's like now I don't know what to do with myself. Everday, everything we did, we did together. Why does this happen? I wish I could just make it go away.

Oh girl....
I am so sorry!!!!! what a douche bag!!! Yuck, the Post made me want to throw up, like being kicked in the stomach!!!!! I know it is hard not to calll him and make him explain it to you just know that it wil not make you feel better ONLY WORSE. Every day you don't call you will gain strength// if you call it is back to square one.. also do not answer if he phones you!!!! Again STRENGTH.. Hang in there be obsessivly on this chat room call your freinds 1,000 times a day......

OK now I am truly on the verge of a nervous break down. I didn't think that this situation could possibly get any worse until today.. I was actually feeling a little better yesterday but to day I was having a horrible day. Just knowing the weekend is coming and I'll be alone and he won't.
I was sitting here at work (I work at the front desk of a local hospital.) and who walks up with their student nursing uniform on? The ex, or I guess she is now the current and I am the ex. She is now and probably will be doing her student nursing here at the hospital until the end of the semester. I could pulled my F-ing hair out. Why does this keep happening to me? No it wasn't her fault but she is a constant reminder and now I want to scratch her eyes out. I am so tired of this. When is enough, enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh lostnky, my heart goes out to you.

Is there any way you could explain things to your boss and maybe work a different part of the hospital until the end of her semester? There's got to be parts she won't be in. Just a suggestion. Stay stong, sister. If/when he calls, just keep a picture of your daughter in the front of your brain and you will do the right thing.

This weekend was very weird. I had a moment of weakness and decided that I would call his cellphone at 1:00 in the morning and that way he would see my number on his ID. I had no idea he would answer it but he did and I hung up. Then he called back. My friend that was with me talked to him and said were on our way to your house and he had no objection. We pulled in and she told him to get in the car and he did again no objection. My friend and her boyfriend talked and I just sat there. He said that he felt like she was something he needed to get out of his system. He said in a week that they had seen each other twice and already fought once. He said he was about 80% sure that it wasn't going to work out. He said that he missed me and thought about me everyday. He said that he still had very strong feelings for me. Truth is I feel the same about him. My friend told me if he is what I wanted then I shouldn't just lay down and let it go. Now I'm ready to fight for him. I want him back and that's what I'm going to do. We stayed out together until about 7:00 this morning talking and laughing just like old times. He said I'll call you tomorrow, I said if you don't, don't worry, I'll call you. I called once and he wasn't home, so on my way to work I called again and his Mom said he was sleeping, I said well just tell him I'll get up with him tomorrow. If I don't get him back then making him doubt what he has right now is a very sweet revenge. There is no talking me out of my plan this is what I want so this is what I'm going to do. Does anyone have any ideas of ways I can carry out my plan? Anyways of making him miss me and want me more?

Sweetie this is so sad.... I feel that he will say anything to you and the people around you, this man is a liar,and a cheat, you deserve better... however I have been in similar positions and felt the same way I am not judging you, only concerned that you will end up in agony rather than in pain... You can not make someone miss you or love you.. the only way that works is if you go away.. and do not need or want him any more.. ever notice that??? When you are done with someone, anyone even a freind, they become needy and call more than ever... people hate to lose stuff they have or not get stuff they want it is human nature... I have learned over the years to "Listen to peoples words, but Watch their feet....." do his words and his actions match up??????? Any one can present themselves like a sane human being that is being good to you.. Also, sweet girl, do you want to go through this relationship feeling like plan B???????