Besides being cheated on but it ranks right up there with it is when your deeply in love with someone and you know they love you to but you have to leave because deep down you know its the right thing to do. That was the situation between me and my ex gf of three years. Shes done more foe me than anyone els ive been with, shes an extremely giveing person. But She couldnt seem to get close to my daughter for some reason. I believe it had soemthing to do with her childhood. she didnt have parents just foster care here and there. Sometimes she was jealouse of my daughter for the time I spent with her. she allways felt she had to hide things from me that she thaught I would be mad about because of an unrealistic fear of me leaveing her. In the end it was mostly because of (samantha) my daughter that I left.

Well the one thing I did not want to happen happend today. I was at the columbia center mall (local mall) and there she was looking as beautifull as ever. We just stared at each other she started crying and all I wanted to do was hold her. I would have given anything for her to know that but I had to turn and walk away. One of the hardest walks ive ever took in my life. Its been allmost three and a half months since we split up and just seeing her that one time I feel like the healing process just started all over again. Its amazeing how something can effect a person so deeply. Sorry im ranting or whatever. My friends, a bunch of single guys mostly, no kids, They dont get it, all they want to do is hook me up. usually with wemon that im allways comparing to my ex. anybody els do that? I dont know why I do it. SOmetimes I wonder if I made the right decision or not especially when samanthas not around I need her to validate the decision I made. anyway thanks for the ears or eyes .

Was she mean to your daughter or....? I don't understand what you mean about the daughter part. You said she is jealous but what was the girlfriend doing that was so wrong??

Only you know what reasons you have for ending it, and if she is causing harm to your daughter in any way, shape or form, than you are doing the right thing.

She wasnt abusive towards her. She just wasnt really anything toward her. For instance samantha would want to sit with her on the coutch to watch tv with her my ex would get uncomfortable with that she seemed really annoyed. She would get upset if samantha was sitting with me on my lap or something. She made me feel uncomfortable when I spent time with my daughter. It didnt stop me but the way I felt wasnt right and all samantha wanted to do was be her friend but my ex couldnt open up to her.

Yeah, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable.

Years ago, I was very good friends with a father who had sole custody of his daughters. At the time they were 12 and 9. I really meshed with the 9 year old....but the 12 year old had major issues with me being friends with her dad. Everytime I came around she was hanging all over him and acting like a baby. Literally hanging on him. Like reverted back to being 4 or 5 years old. It got annoying. Later when she was 14 and 15 she would page him out of a movie or a mall for her to get picked up...like it was a huge emergency....only to get there and everything was fine. It got to the point that I just didn't want to spend time with him anymore because he never said anything to her about her behavior. The 9 year old I looked forward to seeing and I even got her intersted in playing hockey. (She plays for her college now)I tried really hard to like the older girl but I just couldn't stand to be around him if she was going to be there. I ended up breaking it off with him and he got really upset. His daughter now lives away from him and she graduated from college this past June. I sent her a nice card and gift of course and I really meant it. She had it hard with her mom leaving and all but she and I just didn't mesh. Maybe that is all the problem is but either way, I don't blame you for letting it go. Someone who is going to be with you has to except your kids.

Sorry for you.

Angelsdad,
I am so sorry it turned out this way. You know I am a hopeless romantic that thinks if the feeling are there it can be worked out no matter what so forgive me if I am over the line on this one.
Maybe since you are both hurting and you two do care for each other it is time to talk with her about it. It still may not work out but you will both know you put in all the efforts you can. And maybe you feel this way all ready.

You know even married couples go through some of these feelings at times. There were times I know my husband was a little green for the time I spent with the kids. Sometimes it's just a matter of working through it. If you are able to work through it it will make your relationship with her and your daughter stronger.
Good luck God bless and so sorry you are hurting.

Sorry about the hurt and pain. I have to agree with both tomany and thinker a few things.

First off I agree with thinker as far as not meshing w/kids. I never really meshed w/my x's son but go along well w/his daughter. Unfortantly I got to the point where I got sick of his son trying to compete w/me and the dad not saying a thing. Unfortanly things like that happen w/realtionships. Everything happens for a reason.

Now as far as tomany is concerned yes I too am a hopless romantic and always look for that in any relationship. You know the saying if you let someone go and they come back it's meant to be. That is true in many situtions. I hope this could be one of those situations for you. It sounds like you two were and are still very much in love. Talk to her see how she really feels about your daughter. Explain to her that your daughter is very important. If she really wants to be w/you you both can work on that issue.

As for comparing other woman to your x is natural. Even though I have gotten over my x somewhat I stil find myself comparing other men to him. Which is not fair b/c everyone is their own person but we do it anyways. As far as being set back in your healing process by seeing her - i've been there. I was a month into healing from my x leaving and I spent a night w/him. It set me back a month - but I'm healing again. It's hard and all I can say is I hope things work for you both.

SPIRIT

Im a hopeless romantic to tomany. Its hard to penetrate my shell but when someone gets inside im all theirs. We talked about my daughter before we split up she said she would try but the last straw came when I went to the bank with my daughter and she wanted one of those march of dimes bears they have there for five dollars and my ex freaked out when I got home because I didnt get her one. It was little things like that that I wanted to share with my daughter that really bugged her. jealousy is the only way I can put it. Dont get me wrong I did do alot for my ex as she did for me last valentines I baught allmost 700.00 worth of flowers and teddy bears and completely filled the bedroom up with them (flower peddals on the bed that was fun ). but she just couldnt accept us both I guess. Anyway it got hotter than he$# here today 107 degrees I hate working out in this heat.

quote:

Originally posted by lilangelsdad:
[qb] but the last straw came when I went to the bank with my daughter and she wanted one of those march of dimes bears they have there for five dollars and my ex freaked out when I got home because I didnt get her one. It was little things like that that I wanted to share with my daughter that really bugged her. [/qb]

I don't understand the story...why did she freak out when you didn't get her one? Forgive me I am a little sleepy at this hour.

K

Well I am so sorry to hear it. I am sure you know best.
For working out in the heat, laps in the pool. Only way I have figured to beat it.

How old is your ex???? Could maturity play a part in her behavior?? I understand with the heat for the past 2-3 days it has gotten pretty bad here. But I looked at my clendar and 25 days until school starts back :bdgift: :bdgift:

My ex is 25 aunder. And I dont know why she freaked out thinker I guess she just expected me to get her something whenever I got my daughter something. I cant believe school is here so fast. This summer is just flying by. It seems like the older you get the faster it goes.

quote:

She wasnt abusive towards her. She just wasnt really anything toward her. For instance samantha would want to sit with her on the coutch to watch tv with her my ex would get uncomfortable with that she seemed really annoyed. She would get upset if samantha was sitting with me on my lap or something. She made me feel uncomfortable when I spent time with my daughter. It didnt stop me but the way I felt wasnt right and all samantha wanted to do was be her friend but my ex couldnt open up to her.

Well... she wanted you all to herself. Sounds like she was merely tollerating your daughter. That is sad.

My ex had a 2 year old daughter when I met him. At the time, I had never had children..and it did take some getting used to. She would tell me stuff like "My Daddy" ... but, what I did was remember how much I loved my Dad ... and I did not feel jealous. She and I became friends, and we are still very close to this day - even after I left her father.

I think you did the right thing. If your ex girlfriend could not get close to your daughter, it could never work. Children are so innocent, and they need to feel loved.

:cupid:

PS. I had a long distance relationship for 1.5 years..and finally introduced him to my oldest son, when we met in Vegas. I was very disappointed with the way he acted towards my son. At other times, since it was long distance, I would have the 3 of us playing games online - and the guy just really didn't give my son the time of day ... he was not rude, he just had no interest. My son tried to be his friend...and it really hurt me when the guy I was crazy about didn't see how he was giving my son the brush off.

I think if someone really loves us - they will love our children too. *shrugs*

Oh I see....jealous. I think you did the right thing. Again, you definitely have to be with someone who can accept your kids. Sorry for you.

It took me over 2 years to notice the things you are talking about in my relationship with my ex, she also couldn't understand how when she bought something for her son or took him to a movie but not my kids why they would be upset. I never did that to her son, I included him in everything. You did and are doing the right thing. We as single parents have it the hardest, because we are a pakage deal and a new partner has to love the whole package.

ya know.. I get it if the person is single and never been married - has no kids of their own... that makes sense... they don't really *know* how .. (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt - not an excuse) ... BUT

I do NOT get it when we are talking about another single parent. I mean, don't they want their own children to feel loved? Don't they understand the whole big picture?

I had hoped, if I ever met someone who had children of their own - they would be able to accept mine - and I would accept theirs. I am beginning to see from many postings here .. that is not a given.

I have come to terms with being a single parent alone, however... not giving up - but not gonna settle for anyone who isn't right - in all aspects...especially treating my kids like they deserve to be treated!