I have 2 girls 12 & 10 that i have custody of, mom is not involved, also have a son from a "situation" who i see several times a week. As far as dating goes, it really amazes me how challenging it can be. When is the right time to let the kids meet a date? And since its not just me now, what about the attachment the kids develope? What about their feelings if things fall apart in 6 months? What if "she" has kids? What if her kids get attached to me? It would be great to have a conversation with someone over the age of 12, but I am afraid of being attracted to someone because the obstacles, the "what ifs" are so scary. I am in church but i am finding that i am being "fixed up" here too. Does anyone else feel like this or am i just making excuses...Excuse all the "", i like 'em. Any replys- thanks

Well, you're not experiencing anything that some of us haven't or still aren't experiencing. YES, you are making excuses, but that's normal as well...obviously you've been the jaded one at some point of a relationship. NORMAL!

Will it get easier...nope! Will you be more willing to try at it....yup! When? When you're absolutely tired of being afraid of getting scorned, having no fun, getting no life, and being overly protective of yourself and girls. Are there risks? Of course! But you'll know when that risk will be worth leaping into.

About the kids, I was the same way. Never let my kids meet my dates. Finally I woke up...they were probably a better judge of character then ME! I started letting them meet some of my dates...referred to as "friends". I kept dating "casual", allowed my children to meet the new "friend", heard their input and much OUTPUT *giggles*...made friends along the way, and finally....I hit a catch! Oddly enough, he was my best friend while I was dating others! LOL

When you're ready to open up to life's options....you will.

Relax, have fun, and in the meantime, enjoy the 12 y.o. talks you're having! LOL

fatalbert, I know what you mean about church. There are some well-meaning people, but it seems like everybody is trying to introduce me to every single man in my town.

Good for you for recognizing that kids form attachments to the people we let into our lives and there are consequences that go along with that (for them). I don't know that there is any hard and fast rule but I have read in a few places that it's not a bad idea to be dating someone exclusively for about a year before you bring them into the kids' lives. That may be overly cautious where older kids are concerned but then again maybe not. Some of that is going to depend on the circumstances of your divorce. If it was nasty and the kids feel abandonned by their mom then (for what it's worth) I think you are smart to take it slow. After all what's the down side in taking your time?

M