Here is my situation. I have a 2-year girl who sleeps in the same room as I do because I live in a 1-bedroom apt. This is all I can afford right now. She has her bed but often comes onto my bed by the end of the night.

Recently I started seeing someone and it is getting very serious. The problem is that he lives 2 hours away so we only see each other on the weekends. When I go there I can always have my sisters watch her because they live in the same town. when he comes here my parents can watch her but not really the entire weekend...and not every other weekend. They are still busy people. I want to start getting her involved with us but i don't want her sleeping in the same room as us. sleepovers at the same time as her being in the same home won't be for awhile yet but what do I do now? I want to get her into her own room but even when I do, when are sleepovers okay?

Mommy4life

OK well first of all is there a room she can sleep in other than yours that you can set it up all pretty and decorate it in things she will LOVE?

I think it is wonderful you have found someone. I don't know how long you have been seeing each other so I hesitate to answer because I tend to believe that new people should not be introduced for quit a while to kids in case they don't stick around.
I kind of believe it is a good idea to pace new relationships, and really see how it develops for anything long term. Otherwise what is the point in involving your daughter. At 2 it would be hard to understand if he were to one day just not be there anymore.
I know no one goes into it with that in mind, but just in case I would wait until you thought there would be some permenance to it.

Everyone has to made a personal judgement on this one.
Not much help huh? Good luck with it and with the new fella.

Is this a studio or one bedroom? Do you own a couch? If he wants to stay that badly you can do your thing in the other room, then go sleep in the bedroom with your daughter while he sleeps on the couch. If he bawlks at that just remind him you have to do what you feel is best for your daughter. Any guy worth his salt will agree.

Hi Mommy ~

Good input so far. I agree with the taking it slow thing.

I think, if you want your bf to stay over, you and your daughter should sleep in the same bed and the boyfriend should take the couch. I don't believe you should do anything you wouldn't want your daughter to see you do - at this point in the relationship.

If the two of you keep going, and things do get serious - and you get a place together - then you can work on getting things set up for some privacy... but for now, I think you have to make sure your daughter does not feel like she will lose you to the bf.

I think it's great that you have someone too, but I also know things happen - and your daughter is forever .. the bf might be (I hope so) but he might not.

I totally agree with scountmom... do what's best for your daughter, and if this guy is a good guy - he will not mind at all.

Hugssssssssssss

I think you are asking how long before he sleeps over at your one bedroom apartment with your daughter there? If that is the question, its hard to say. this is something that needs to talked over with him. And he may go for the couch thing. the main thing is to not try to hide the fact that you are seeing someone from your daughter. Kids know more than we give them credit for. Now you can't jump into bed and have her jumping in, in the middle of the night.
It may be one of those situations where the sleep overs will have to be at his place until you two get a place together.

And about making sure they are going to be around, how long do you wait to make sure of that? my kids mom and I was together 10 years, out of the blue, she left, I never had a clue.

Just to clarify for those that had questions...I have an apartment and one bedroom in the apartment. I would love to put her in her own room and fix it up for her but that is not possible right now. We have been seeing each other for awhile but we knew each other and liked each other for a long time before this.

I may eventually ask him if he wants to take the couch. I don't think he'll mind if it came to this because he such a sweet guy and will do almost anything.

Also, what do you think are the proper steps to helping her become familiar with him and bringing her into the relationship? We love each other and especially since my daughter's father is not around he is willing to share everything that is his to the both of us. I definitely got one of the good ones.

quote:

And about making sure they are going to be around, how long do you wait to make sure of that? my kids mom and I was together 10 years, out of the blue, she left, I never had a clue.

Wyatt, good point - but, it is also reasonable to wait until you are at a place in the relationship where you are talking about the future .. before introducing the person to your child(ren). Nothing is guaranteed, no doubt about that one.

mommy,

I think (just my 2cents) if the two of you have been together for at least a year, and are talking about your future together... you can start introducing your daughter to the relationship by taking her places together. Day trips to the park, including a picnic would be nice.

When I first met my ex, his daughter was 2 years old. We went to the park, I went to her t-ball games, we all went out to eat ... took her to amusement parks together. In other words... as our relationship progressed, we simply included his daughter in our lives. He did not have full custody, so we planned kid things on the weekends he had his daughter, and adult things when he didn't.

"my kids mom and I was together 10 years, out of the blue, she left, I never had a clue. " - Wyatt

Not to change the subject here, but I will. Wyatt maybe you can tell me something? Why is it that the men "never see it coming"? Now this isn't meant to be directed at you, I don't know what your situation was and there are times that women just do nutty things. Just what you wrote triggered the question for me. I have done coutless hours of male grief counseling for my friends. They never ever know why the girls leave. Yet warning signs are just slapping them in the face. Is it a denial thing. Do us ladies not know how to communicate it in a language the men can understand. I know my ex absolutely did not understand I was leaving. Now I had bags, boxes and suitcases piled up at the front door for days before. I slept in another room, and in his words had lazer beams that would shoot from my eyes everytime I saw him. I even said I cannot take it anymore I am leaving. Yet when I left the house key on the table and didn't come home he calls me up and says "where are you, shopping, what time will you be back?" And yes he had seen the key on the table.

what a man! Lol Sounds like my ex too. I gave him a two week warning.. start going to counsling and really make an effort or you are leaving at the end of that two weeks. I even marked it on the calender. At the end of the two weeks I asked him to leave as he hadn't made a single phone call or changed in the least with me, if anything it had gotten worse. And he looked dumbfounded when I told him to leave... In my case I know beyond a doubt that he knew what was going to happen but he chose to try to ignore it, and hope I would too. Thats the only insight I have here.... other than that? please let me know......lol

It's kind of like when some complete loser hits on you and you basically tell him you'd go for girls before dating him and he gets this look like your playing hard to get. You know the "yeah, she digs me" look. I wish I knew what how their brains translated what we said to them. Must be the same as when the Kung Foo movies are translated into English. Completed with mismatched body language.

quote:

Originally posted by scoutmom:
[qb] Is this a studio or one bedroom? Do you own a couch? If he wants to stay that badly you can do your thing in the other room, then go sleep in the bedroom with your daughter while he sleeps on the couch. If he bawlks at that just remind him you have to do what you feel is best for your daughter. Any guy worth his salt will agree. [/qb]

I agree 100%, this has been an issue for me as my ex is dating and our daughter sleeps in her room. She denies it but I know this guy has spent the night and I think it is inappropriate for a young child to be exposed to that. He can spend the night but he should sleep on the couch.

I have been there myself and I think it can be a bunch of fun if you look at it the right way. I love the sneaking around and hurry up don't get caught in the act. One of my ex bf's had his kids over on weekends and they didn't know we were an item and it was a ton of fun to sneak in a pinch here a grab there. We use to do a lot of laundry together on the weekends, lol. Keep it fun and when you do get the chance to go all out unfettered you make the best of it. It keeps the flames of passion burning longer I think.

This weekend, my boyfriend is coming and we've decided that she'll stay the night at Nana and Papa's house but during the day she'll be with us. I definitely want to get her used to him and vice versa. It will be an adjustment for all of us but this is a start. I've decided to start looking at 2bedroom apartments that I may be able to afford and get her used to sleeping in her own room BEFORE we decide to do sleepovers. If needed, I'll ask him to sleep on the couch. I'm sure he'll be okay with it but that will only be necessary if I cannot get a babysitter.

That's great. I think it's a very smart way to handle it.