So there's this guy...we dated for 8 months, met each one another's kids, everyones happy and then he just decides it's too much and he wants out. Fine, I cry and ask why and get the "it's not you it's me" story and the well I just don't think I'm ready to raise 5 kids at once and we all move on. (very condensed version). This is a guy who talked about marrying me and raising our kids together and having more kids by the way. So the last time I see him I say ok it's over I won't bother you. Then he starts calling, texting, sending emails. He asks about my day, how the boys are, what do they want for their birthdays, says he misses me and loves me. Can anyone here say MIXED MESSAGES. Hello a month ago you never wanted to see me again and now you want to know how my life is. Well it sucks ok. I fell in love with the wrong person AGAIN. You made me believe we had a future together and we don't. That's how I am. That's what I want to say. Instead, because I cant' be mean to anyone, I say I'm fine, the boys are great, I miss you too. I'm an idiot when it comes to this man. A complete and utter idiot.

Awwwwww I completely understand where you're coming from. I was in the same position you are in year ago. I don't really know you or your situation and the last thing I want to do is offend you, but from what you have stated it just sounds like 2 possibilities. One possibility is that he realized what he gave up and the impact it is doing to both sets of kids and knows that you and your boys are more than worth it. Or not to be the debby downer but the other possibility is that he's using you as his safety net. Only you really know him and can make the proper judgement on him and his actions.

Okay I'm going to be the hopeless romantic here & go with after he "panicked" & took some time to get his head together...He realized he really wants you in his life!! If you were with him for 8 months you must have some idea as to WHO he is as a person and if his "bailing out" was that unexpected & his reasons sketchy then maybe there is more to this than cut & dry...I mean are relationships EVER really that simple...LOL! Are you talking to him? Have you seen him? Is there a way to not so boldly ask "WTF is going on....I mean Do you want this or not???" Again I'm rooting for the He realized what he lost...I mean you are BEAUTIFUL, sucessful, strong, GREAT MOM....seriously is he just crazy!!! Let us know how it goes!!

I'm with Jaylie on this one and hoping that this is about him coming to his senses. I'd say it's time to ask him some direct questions to keep from having to wonder and get some answers......

quote:

Hello a month ago you never wanted to see me again and now you want to know how my life is. Well it sucks ok

This kind of emotional roller coaster carpola does suckk...Why ride the coaster....
It's been a month....how about he hooked up with another woman and she took a dump on him...
Now he's running back to "safe" & "be there".....till it happens again....
I liken this sort of thing to a dog eating it's own vomit...sorry but thats how I see it...
Life is too short and you're too fine to be treated this way...
ya snooze ya lose......

You're not a complete and utter idiot unless I'm one too because the same thing happened to me in March of this year though we had only been together 3 1/2 months. When someone tells you that they love you, it is only natural to believe it, and when they suddenly tell you out of the blue when things seemed so good that they don't have the feelings that they should for you, you are left hurt and confused. Unfortunately, this was not the first time my ex did this to me and I took him back so I should have known better. His stupid text messages were getting to me, and like a fool, I responded and fell back into his world of playing games with my mind. To this day, I have no idea why he left and probably never will, but I'm trying to move on. Please be careful and do not jump back into a relationship just because he says he misses you. If he's really in love with you, he will be patient and will wait for you.

HB...you have got to have the most wicked sense of humor of anyone I have ever met and I mean that in the best way!!!

Thanks for the advice guys and I'll be sure to keep you posted...although the little devil on my shoulder really...really...really wants to say some really mean things to him...but my little angel always wins over and I don't. Give me some of your wit HB and I'll put it to good use.

TracieAnn and Sweet Tea welcome to SFV and thanks for the support!!

My 3 boys- I don't know you or your boyfriend either. And if there is a chance in H--l this could work it might be worth the risk. Only you know where you are emotionally and how much more you can take. Only you can gauge where you are on the "FED UP WITH THIS ****" meter.

I beleive HB is trying to warn you about a trait in many men. He seems to be very protective of the ladies here on SFV. A man can spot a player waaayyy before most women can. just as a woman can spot a user waaaayyy before a man can.

I guess what I am saying is, something can happen once! If it happens again it is a pattern. Trust your heart or your gut,... of course it is always your call.

TO THE LADIES OF SFV: You are persons of VALUE. Just because your a little older, or you have children, or you have a few more pounds than you did when you were 18, DOESN"T MAKE YOU LESS ATTRACTIVE !!!!!! Stop selling yourselves short. ALL OF YOU !

The REAL men of the world would kill to have you in our lives !!!!

uh, not actually kill, it is a figure of speach you know???

quote:

I beleive HB is trying to warn you about a trait in many men. He seems to be very protective of the ladies here on SFV. A man can spot a player waaayyy before most women can. just as a woman can spot a user waaaayyy before a man can.

Spot on...can't disagree with this. I'm a firm beleiver that one can't or shouldn't return to the scene of the crime...hence the dog comment. Gross analogy perhaps but right on the money. Not only have I been down that road but I've been here a long time and man how many women have I seen here that have done the revolving door with men. Not to slap a guy down for making a mistake but life is too short...why waste it. Most of us here have already spent enough time wasted on bad relationships. Life really doesn't have to be so hard. Make up your mind who you are and what you want and don't settle for less. Taking someone back is only filling a temporary need to fill a void. There probably aren't very many women here that have not played revolving door and look at them....all of them beautiful loving and wanting to be in a commited relationship. What more could a guy ask for. Thing is they keep playing revolving door and they miss out on the real men out there who would love to love them and be fathers to their kids.

It's just agonizing to see beautiful loving women continue getting stepped on.

I am praying that he truly sees the error of his ways and is truly wanting you back. It'll give the rest of us that are still holding onto that little glimmer of hope the motivation to keep grasping tight...

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:

Translation: Put a fork in it, he's done...

correcto, Senor TD

quote:

Originally posted by trebor:
A man can spot a player waaayyy before most women can. just as a woman can spot a user waaaayyy before a man can.

Amen to that.

Bin....love the visuals today....couldn't have said it better myself....