Well, then ignore the bitter part of my post. Sorry 'bout that.

But key into the last part of my post. Try taking a risk. Next time a woman appears interested in you, hand your phone number to her. Tell her this is really hard for you, but that you would like to get a coffee with her sometime. Then walk away. Don't stand around to get turned down to your face. That way, the ball's in her court. If she wants to call, she will.

If you're getting looks from women out in public, that's generally a sign she sees something she likes about you. The only way to find out is to take a step towards it.

But be ready for the disappointment, too. With dating comes TONS of rejection. If you really want to start dating, you gotta get ready for some let-downs, too.

Anyway, my sincere good luck wishes to you!

quote:

Originally posted by Moosey:
Aquus, this thread itself shows why you are having problems with women. You might have the best of intentions but, obviously, you are rubbing women the wrong way. You can wait around for them to change and react differently to you (good luck) or you can work on your social skills and fix WHY they are reacting to you that way.

You can look at women in a positive way, or a negative way. Yes it's true having more money helps with the ladies, but that's a very negative way of looking at it. HB was trying to add a humourous take, I don't think he actually expects you to become rich in order to woo women (it's one way though : P)

I like how Bobby put it.

quote:

The only thing they care about, is if you make them feel good when they are around you.

You don't need money to do that. But you are going to have to consider the way others perceive you. This thread is an example, you might have had the best of intentions, but it didn't make the women here feel very good so you're going to have to consider that and adjust yourself. Or you can wait for everyone else to change, or the economy to improve.

I'll add one thing that hasn't been addressed. Women do not know you are a virgin, unless you tell them. Or maybe you tattoed virgin-pride on your forhead, but I doubt it. A woman isn't going to know you are a virgin until they sleep with you and then it's too late (haha! you tricked em!). They may or may not stick around after that depending on how much they like being around you, but the worst that can happen is you'll be one step closer to being a smooth lover like myself.

Moosey, remind me again why you're single?

*flutters eyelashes*

You tell me cap! Women should be hanging off of me, obviously!

oh moosey - snarrrrrl!

ok, i am still of the mindset that this is not a single parents thing and it is a dating thing. but i'll give my three cents again - do not lump women in to arbitrary categories.

there is a thread on autism here on the board. one member was upset that folks made "Rain Man" remarks when she mentioned autism. i told her that beyond that movie i had zero knowledge and probably would have made tht remark too - not out of malice, but out of ignorance. i wished to learn more. many folks including your new buddy moosey (snarrrl) had a lot of terrific information to educate us. it was wonderful and i will never again make the "Rain Man" remark as i now see it is lumping a lot of folks together arbitrarily.

hence my remark (and captmatrix's remark as well) it is offensive to me to be lumped together and categorized. similar to snowflakes, no two of us are alike, and we are all beautiful in our own unique way. yes, there are similarities in some flakes but when you lump them all together - like in a snowball - they lose thier individual beauty. dont do it. keep our beauty, let us know you see our beauty. as bobby said, make us feel like there's no other snowflake in the world you'd rather see.

Well I had him on the right track till the eskimo screwed it up with intelligence.....LMAO....

Aquus....please....take my advice and go get a hooker....
She'l probably have kids and not married so you'll have your "single mom" fetish covered man....
It'll give you a whole new perspective on life and women in general...

quote:

Posted 19 July 2008 03:00 PM Hide Post
You tell me cap! Women should be hanging off of me, obviously!

Agreed Moosey, The women in Alaska must all have brainfreeze

quote:

Originally posted by pann71:

quote:

Posted 19 July 2008 03:00 PM Hide Post
You tell me cap! Women should be hanging off of me, obviously!

Agreed Moosey, The women in Alaska must all have brainfreeze

I agree, Pann.

I think you girls are just messing with my head that's ok I like it

I'm a lot like Aquus here, I'm too shy and need to take more risks.

quote:

It's more like the fact that I've had tons and tons of mind-blowing hot ***, and I'd be hesitant to have to teach someone who is less experienced.

Well aren't you just the lucky one !

quote:

Originally posted by tripfour:

quote:

It's more like the fact that I've had tons and tons of mind-blowing hot ***, and I'd be hesitant to have to teach someone who is less experienced.

Well aren't you just the lucky one !

I was waiting for some kind of reaction from that line! Jeez!

o.k., yes the original question posted was a little off-center but I don't think it was particularly offensive. I don't care if someone sees me as a single mom (this is a single parent forum after all) and anyone who stereotypes single moms...well it's their loss. I guess I don't fit the stereotype as I have a good paying job and I'm not desperately trying to find a surrogate dad for my little one. And I'm guessing most if not all the other parents on this forum don't fit the stereotype, either.

Anyway, I digress. You may want to consider taking HB's advice. It's your choice, though.
As for the Asperger's thing...well I'm not sure what to say about that but I think anyone can learn some measure of social skills. If you knew me 10-15 years ago, you would say I'm a completely different person. I learned over time how to be a little less shy and "put myself out there".
Still learning, though !

-Teresa

So I've been thinking about this post for a while and thought I would put my two cents.

First, I don't take offense to being grouped into a "single mom" category. Whether we like to believe it or not, stereotypes are how we make sense of the world. Without mental schemata (is that the plural of schema?) we would be overwhelmed with information and I can only guess this would be much worse for someone with Aspergers. Stereotypes become offensive when they are applied in a negative way (i.e., job discrimination, racial profiling by police). When I come into contact with someone new I automatically start placing them into a category, if they end up not fitting well in that category, so be it, I accommodate the new information about the person and keep on trying to make sense of this crazy world.

As far as why you might be attracted to single moms, I am thinking it might be the mother figure in general that you are attracted to and since married moms are pretty much off limits, that leaves you looking for single moms. Why would someone be attracted to a mother? They are generally thought to be nurturing and understanding, both characteristics that would be attractive to someone who feels they are in a vulnerable position. I can see why Aquus feels this category of women might be a good choice. That being said, I think most women (especially single moms) do not want to date a man that is looking for a mother figure, we already have kids!

I agree with Moosey, don't tell women you are a virgin, if they figure it out on their own so be it. As far as where to meet the potential taker of your virginity, have you tried looking at some online dating websites? I have heard that can sometimes be easier for people with Aspergers since you are not having to decode social situations in person. That might be a good way to meet someone, and if you feel like you are connecting with someone you can tell them that you have Aspergers so they can understand where you are coming from.

Just my thoughts...

*** disclaimer *** I had not finished my first cup of coffee before writing this...

Okay I was on vacation & I'm back for two days & off again, but I saw this thread & just HAD to reply!! I have to say I'm not quite sure why this question has been met with such negativity? I think it's fair to say that once you get to a certian age there is a good chance that the single people you meet may have children. I think it makes perfect sense that he would throw the question out to those of us who are single parents. His being on The Spectrum would mean that he would not be able to necessarily forsee the emotional issues this could stir up in people...From his perspective he was "researching" the issue and who better to present the question to & gather information from than the source = single parents...Via the computer annomously w/ out social interaction is the perfect scenario for him! I mean seriously how many of us would love it if there was somewhere we could go to get some answers & save ourselves some pain & embarrasment in relationship issues!! I don't think he was trying to pick up single Moms...these happened to be the women that were smiling at HIM recently in the grocery store & Mall and his quandry was wheather he should say "hello" and persue a friendship with a single mom. Given his inexperience socially, emotionally & se xually, he was afraid of rejection. I truly LOVED Bobby's response...
** "The only thing they care about, is if you make them feel good when they are around you. I don't think that single moms are any different from regular women as pretty much all of them are regular women (who happen to share a common circumstance)."**
I agree completely...and if you create a friendship, relationship, connection with a woman then they are going to care about YOU and not your experience or inexperience! It is about how YOU make them feel NOW and how you treat them and how they feel about themselves b/c of your positive influence on their life and their children's lives! A great many of us single parents (Both Mom's & Dads) have been through a great deal of pain to get to where we are in our lives & you need to understand that! You need to be able to relate to their children & want to love and care for them alomg with the issue of wheather you want your own children too! I think coming to a single parents forum if you are questioning dating a single parent is a Fanstastic idea ...espc. for someone that may be inexperienced in relationship issues...truly there are different things to address in dating a single Mom than a single 30 something woman that has never been married or had kids. There just is...not better, not worse...just different!! But we are all women and don't just want to be seen as Mom's...so if you make us happy & feel good then that is wonderful!! I sincerely hope you continue to ask questions here & if you do start to date a single mother you can always get advise & support here!! If you need help or advise in how to approach someone socially just ask!! Just be sincere & open & truthful and you will find your answers!!

BTW:

Good to have you back, even for a couple days. And a good write up of unstated feelings as to why I wanted to leave this topic up.....just much better having come from one of you......women

Awww thanks Don...I missed you too!! Yegh this one just hit me for some reason... I hope he stuck around for a bit here!!