I need some backup from the girls in here, though I know what I need to do, how, and when.

This just breaks my heart. She's a great girl, determined, independent, pretty, sweet. But over the past two weeks, I've noticed something missing. I can't explain it, and won't try to. But my own thoughts and behaviour tell me that this won't work long term, and I won't do her the disservice of dragging it out.

I want to be there for her, help her through some of the things she's dealing with as a single mom, and I'm doing that now. I can't talk to her about this until next week...her birthday's on Sunday, and she has testing for a potential job on Monday.

We haven't seen eachother much lately since we've been busy (I haven't been doing the cowardly avoiding thing or anything). I think she senses a little distance in me, though I give her hugs when I know she needs them, and let her know I'm thinking about her when she's going through a tough time with something.

So I need to do this next week, probably close to her home. I don't want her driving off or anything. Preferrably, I'll be there for her, but I doubt she'll want that. It's only been just over a few months, but she's fallen hard.

Gosh I feel so crappy about this.

Chris

Chris - Do wait until after her birthday and testing. Then, be honest with her. Let her know that you want to be a friend to her but be careful not to lead her on. Make it clear that you cannot continue a relationship. Can you meet her at her house rather than her having to drive at all?

I'm sad for both of you. I see that this isn't easy for you to do but you're so right - you can't pretend it's perfect when it's not.

Chris,

I applaud you for knowing what you have to do - and being man enough to do it. Leading someone on is the worst thing you can do. She will be hurt, but later - I think she will respect you for being brave and honest about your feelings.

Sometimes the feeling just isn't there. I dated a guy that felt that way about me, but he was never man enough to admit it. He lead me on for a long time - and when I point blank asked him how he felt, he still could not tell me.

I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for doing the right thing! I have done it, and it's hard - but I personally felt better afterwards.

Good luck and stay strong. Don't let her talk you into giving it more time if you already know in your heart that it's not there for you. Clean breaks are the best.

If she is willing to be your friend, that is great!

I'm so glad to hear that you are being a man enough to not lead her on and drag it out if it isn't working. You replied in my post about someone being a coward and not telling me what you are needing to tell this woman. Good for you for being so honest, and for thinking of her and wanting to be a friend to her. I applaud you for it, and am happy that there are still some great men out there... and all of em seem to be here on SFV!!! You wouldn't wanna move to SC, would ya?? Just kidding. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

Gee Adrianne... I was thinking the same thing!!

The weather ain't too bad here in California..as long as you don't mind the fact that, the earth moves under yer feet of it's own free will.

Gosh, so many tempting offers, and with great women in great climates. I'll get back to you on those .

I appreciate the feedback. I want to do the right thing, and I want to be friend, at least as much as she'll let me. I want her to know I care and will continue to support her in some of the other things she's going through. I take relationships and friendships very seriously.

I still feel like the bad guy, though I know in the long run, we're both better off.

Thanks again gals,

Chris

Ah, Chris
So sorry, this relationship isn't the great one.
It shows great character is ending it.

It is hard on all involved.
It will be hard on both of you, but better now than month's from now.
She will recover.
Remember all you have learned before in taking on to much responsibility in her healing process.
Remaining friendly is nice in time, but in the beginning to close of an involvement can add to her confusion and lead her to think you may be confused and still may change your mind and mend it.
Big hug to you!
Harmony

Oh Harmony,
What a great point. I can see how that could happen.
Good for you Chris I hope everything goes smooth for you. Sorry you have to go through it.

I have to say thank you atleast for her b/c she won't be able to do it when you break up w/her. You seem like you are honest and know what your feels are. It's nice that you are not leading her on.

It's great that your waiting until after her b-day and testing she will need to be together for those important times.

You are giving her closure. I always like to have that so I know where I stand w/ the guy. Many just leave me dangling.

Good luck to you and she will respect you for not leading her on when she recovers and feels better.

Hey by the way Vermont not so bad this time of year

SPIRIT

Harmony, tm2c, Spirit, thank you.

Turns out she has another test at the end of the week...a road test for her bus license. I'm not sure how much longer I should wait, but I think the news would certainly affect that kind of test less than the written tests she has earlier in the week. We've got a whole weekend between then and now as it is, and I think she'll start to clue in at some point.

Anyway...trudging ahead, trying to do the right thing.

Oh, hey, Spirit...I love Vermont, and it's only, what, 6 hours or so away? I'd better start driving .

Chris

Hey Start driving - look at the bright side you could get a senic view on the way LOL. We all know the north east kingdom of Vermont is so country.

Good luck and don't feel to badly sometimes things just don't work out the way we want it too. You just smile and make yourself happy w/what life brings your way.

SPIRIT

Orion,

Don't chicken out ~ *smile* .. you are my inspiration. I have been dating a guy for about 3 months, and I don't consider that I have a man in my life -- tells me what I need to know.

He recently lost his job and wants to borrow money... and I've already gotten some good advice on that one! *wink* ... but I hate to break up with him while he's so down.

I understand about the test thing... I'm thinking along those lines, because he has an interview coming up ... but I have to be careful and not just let it go .. because I know me .. with no ill intentions - I'll avoid the confrontation.

Good luck with yers! Don't be like Chandler on Friends~ hehe *wink* (not sure if you ever watched that show, if so - you'll know what I mean.. if not - ignore me)

~J

Chris,
I think your plan to wait until after her birthday and test is great.
This will be hard. Gezz I do not envy you.
The weekend. I don't even want to think about this momment or thatr momment. sigh...
I would defineately have a discussion at her place or very near her home Monday night. That gives her the week to pull the emotions in check for her road testing.

She sounds like she is pretty wise and together from your other postings.
It is so so hard when you have heart and do not want to cause pain. This is the right hting to do.
Take care of you too!
Harmony

Chris,
I hear your concern and I think it is wonderful. But on the other hand how long are you suppose to wait? I know you want the timing to be right, when will that be? There is always going to be something. The longer you wait the harder it will be for both of you. I don't intend to sound cold. Pick a time and take care of it.
Harmony, I think this goes for you too, dear. I know it is easier said than done but I just don't ever think there is perfect timing on what you think is going to be bad news.
Good luck to both of you.

I feel terrible this morning, and I hurt.

We talked last night for a long time and cried. I hate hurting anyone. She reasoned, but she didn't plead. She let me hold her, and I told her she could stay the night since it was late (no funny stuff).

This morning I woke up to an empty room, her things gone, and of course she was gone too. She left a book I'd gotten her for her birthday along with a note on the kitchen counter.

It was a very nice note about us, and very sad. She said she'd left the book because she felt I could use it more. It's a inspirational kind of book.

Until now, I've never known what it's like to break up with a really nice person. It hurts, and it sucks.

Chris