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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Dating & Relationships Shes not my kid!...comments in a new relationship. How do I handle this?!|
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I am New to SFV |
Hi there, Im not a new member Im a reincarnated one I forgot my last password and log in name. Since then Ive been in probably 2 or 3 relationships...since last year I guess. Anyways Im back into a serious relationship... its been almost 5 - 6 months. <br />Im 27 single mother to a very loud, bubbly, TALKATIVE 4 year old gurl whos the apple of my eye. Im currently in a relationship with a guy Ive been friends with for nearly 3 years. He just turned 21 but is probably the most reliable stable responsible guy Ive met. We have gotten pretty serious, and we spend alot of time together when hes not @ work. <br /><br />But when things happen such as my daughter talks too much to him, or basically from him teasing her and sort of picking on her she is naughty and plays up on it...and then he makes comments like "control your kid"... or "Hey shes not my kid shes yours you need to be able to control her".... now. <br />Ive basically been on my own, Ive been with other guys and its never happened b4...this is going on now and Im finding it xtremely hard to deal with. My daughter is no way at fault, but sometimes she will bug him till the point he cant take it and calls me... this is usually when Im cooking and they are just around the corner... aw this is starting to sound really weird but.... <br /><br />yea basically what should I do? how should I approach the situation?... most the time hes ok, and we are all fine but now and then after work he gets stressed and wants space... Anyways I do love him very much, he has helped me out alot he cooks for us and basically is there when I need things and wants to be with me ...help. <br /><br />Advice and opinions welcome...
 ...they do get along dont get me wrong but what do I do about those comments and ...actually is this normal??? Sometimes I think he gets jelous if I spend too much time with her or not enough with him? could this actually be happening???<br /><br />*signature edited*"As my pen bleeds my pain stains the paper." - Aesop Rock |
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"Parent on Board" Active Board Parent |
I have seen a similar thing in a friend�s relationship and a lot of it stemmed from him having no experience with small children. She told him that it was his responsibility to be the adult in the relationship with the child. That means not teasing, doing activities together that do not include you (ie he can read a book) so that they develop their own relationship, setting his boundaries (like him saying when I am having a quiet time after work it is not play time) and him enforcing those boundaries. It is impossible if he is behaving like a child expecting that you sort out their squabbles. He is an adult and the tone of the relationship is set by his behaviour not your child�s, she is reacting not creating. I would have a serious talk about his statement that it is not his child, if he is serious about that then what future does he see for you together? I believe a child and mother are a package you don�t get one without the other and he needs to love you both! Maybe he feels inadequate setting boundaries and you could give him some skills in that direction?
Aroha |
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"Parent on Board" Lively & Zealous Parent  |
It is totally normal. I think there are some days when our children are driving us crazy that we would also love to to say "someone control this child". The only difference is that he has the option to say it. There is also the fact that he may be uncomfortable or doesnt know how you will take him disciplining your child. I have been in this situation and even though I may not agree with what someone gave my child trouble for or how they did it, I have to grit my teeth and back them up or my child will always run to me to fix it and that causes friction between you and who you are dating as well as him and the child. If I dont agree I wait till we are alone to discuss that. I agree with Zealand...he has to be the adult. If he continues with the "control your child" it seems to her that he is telling on her and she will in turn start telling on him. Then you will have 2 kids on your hands. She will not see him as an adult and someone she should respect until he starts acting like one in that respect.
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On the Board |
sounds like nothing. its just some parents, and with good reason, get testy when some one else makes an attempt to deicipline their kids. so many of us avoid that track and make those comments. it is more of a situation that needs to be talked about and let him know just how much authority he has and where it ends. minor dicipline is ok and is needed. I would say just talk about it and it should work out
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I am New to SFV |
Hey there thanx for the advice and perspectives on this. I will use some of the information as I have no real experience and info for myself on how to go about it. I dont have access to the internet at home so sorry for taking my time replying. I wish you guys luck in your lives and thank you for assisting in mine. Peace Love and Family
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Board Member |
he's giving a hint that he thinks your kid needs to be better mannered. apparently he does not feel she is receiving enough discipline and many people do NOT like kids who mouth off like they are sassy miniature adults. I have seen some parents who find this cute in their children, and don't realize many others find it disrespectful for a child to address them a certain way, even as a joke. He just isn't saying it in a way that sounds argumentative. |
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"Needs to Get Life" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
I think he just needs to speak to her, not over her to you. Just help him out a bit, let him know what to say. It will make his life easier in the end and she will respect him more for it. As of right now he has no control and has to call Mommy to get help. (I didn't read all the responses)
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"Needs to Get Life" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
And, since this is from NovemberLMAO! Hope it is solved by now!
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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Dating & Relationships Shes not my kid!...comments in a new relationship. How do I handle this?!
