I am a single mother dating a single father. I just recently met his children, but I am considered a "friend" to them still, as it is early in the relationship. We want to take our time to avoid any unneccessary stress for the children. His 3-year-old has been coming in his room late at night to sleep with him. He says he doesn't really agree with it, but caves when he sees his sweet boy enter the room. When I was nursing, I co-slept with my daughter, but as soon as she weaned, I put her in her own bed. I read so many horror stories about single co-sleepers who begin relationships and decide to no longer co-sleep. The children then blame the newcomer for ruining their sleeping arrangement and begin to harbor a resentment. I don't agree with co-sleeping past a certain age. I also don't consider it my place to give him parenting advice, but this issue seems likely to directly affect the relationship between his children and me. Does anyone have advice for this situation? Any experience with this?

At age 3, I don't see where the problem has gone too far yet. If you are dating somebody that has an 11 year old that he co-sleeps with (like my Ex)with her own bed not 2 feet away...there's a problem. You say its early in the relationship, but are you in the bed while his 3 year old wants to join?

Get new beds for the kids and redecorate their rooms. Make them want to be in their own rooms. Like a desert oasis theme with camels or something like that. My girl tells me all the time how cool that show is where the kids redo each others rooms. she my fashion consultant cuz dad doesn't have a clue.

Well, it's probably a good thing you leave that stuff up to your daughter...because I don't think a room decorated with 3 fingers would be very --Chic.

You edited! I saw it ! you wrote sheek.

I don't know what you're talking about, and aren't we supposed to be helping someone out...

I have been learking for awhile here and finally have something I may be able to help with. My daughter slept in my bed until after age two. It has only been a few months since I moved her to her own bed but what I did worked.
First I got her a new blanket and a few new items for her big girl bed. I made a big deal out of how pretty it was but left it alone for a few days while I talked to her about sleeping in her own bed. After a few days she was ready to try. She would fall asleep in her bed but would come get in mine in the middle of the night. I let this go on for a few more days. After those few days were up I started to get up as soon as I heard her at the door and gently returned her to her own bed. I don't allow her to come get in my bed at all unless it is daylight. If she is sick I will sit with her in the recliner until she feels better or lay in her bed with her.
The trick is to be consistent.
I only recently started having a boyfriend over but I knew the day would come when I would want adult company. I prepared my daughter before that time so she didn't feel he was the reason for the move.

I missed the whole chic/sheek thing I guess.

Going back to the issue at hand, I don't see a problem w/a 3 year old sometimes co-sleeping w/the parent. My 6 year old still sometimes crawls in my bed w/me. I don't have that happen often, but it does happen and it isn't a problem.

As long as it doesn't happen often, I wouldn't be concerned. If it starts to get a little excessive, then I would have to sit him down and talk about it. Since it seems that you are in the bed to when this occurs, I would suggest talking to the child about why you are there so that it doesn't come out at an inappropriate time.

You two, I swear. Just like me and my brother.

I let my boy sleep with me for years. Eventually I got sick of being kicked in the throat.


It's not your place to tell him yet, but when that time comes..

The only solution, if it comes down to that point may sound really bad, but it's the only solution.

It sounds cruel, and mean, but have an open mind here.

An adults bedroom is a private place. Things go on behind these closed doors that a child is not meant to be a part of.

Get a one way lock, and use it. It sounds bad, but the child will beat on the door, cry, scream, throw an all out fit, but you have to ignore it. Either the child will fall asleep outside the master bedroom, or the child will go back to bed, defeated. Keep in mind, you are not locking the child in, just locking them out. After three days, the child will know who has won. If you live in an apartment, I feel bad for your neighbors, but if it's a house, you will live.

I heard every plea from the other side of the door. "I LOVE YOU! I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU! DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" It will tear your heart right out. But you have to be strong. I think it sounds cruel, and when you hear your baby begging and pleading, and manipulating your heart, you will have to be strong.

My little sister slept with my mom until she was 12. Honestly. She was 12. My mom put her foot down when she started menstruating.

Put your foot down before you lose control. It sounds so bad, but it's the only way. You will only have to do it for a couple days. You just have to be able to be strong when your baby says, "Don't you love me, mommy?" Our babies know how to manipulate us, try really hard to remember that. This is what worked for me, if anyone else knows a different way, I'd be happy to eat my words with mustard. The reward system NEVER work in this situation with my boy. This is just my humble opinion.

Hi Vanna,
No one has welcomed you so let me be the first. Finally, I'm first at something. Your idea is great. Somewhat along the lines of what I was trying to say but much better said. I think gentle persuasion is better than tough love. Kids at the best of times have a hard time in the dark. And don't worry 'bout me and Ty's mom. She's like the sister I never got to fight with. And Blindsky is the sister who always helps her. Welcome to the family.

I agree. I asked the dr what to do because he just wouldn't stay in the bed. Mind you he was 2 at the time, but I hadn't slept through the night since before he was born. He said to put a security gate up in front of his room and not let him out. He would still be able to see that I was there, but would get the picture that when it is bedtime, it is bedtime in his own room and his own bed. Since he is extremely hard headed and stubborn, it took almost 1 1/2 weeks, but he did get the message. Like I said, though, he does still sometimes comes and crawls in my bed, but mostly when he is sick or has a bad dream.

I don't think that you should put your foot down yet, but talk to him and let him know your concerns.

Are you feeling ganged up on JD? You know we love you! I can't believe it, though, you beat me posting on another one!

OK, so here goes. My son co-sleeps with me some of the time - usually me pulling him into bed b/c I need comfort and a friendly body next to me. Nothing for child services, just cuddles from my son. Yes, he is only 18 mths old, however..I also share a room with him. Reading everything people are saying...am I setting myself up for disaster? I was always adamant about not letting my daughter get into my bed (and I only had a day bed so there were some logistical reasons to) and I'm now begging my son to cuddle. Am I wrong?

18 months old? Nah. That's just motherly love. Your a wonderful mother. Your the best. Your on my side now, right?

Hmmm...I'll think about it. But I definetely prefer the buttering me up approach to the knocking me down.