Auuuugh!!!!

My 15 y/o is dating!

I'm a bit freaked out.

She has a BF. He seems like a really nice kid. Smart, doing well in school, black belt at karate (which really sux 'cause I can't intimidate him). Will be working full time over the summer.

But they spend a lot of time together. And here is what scares me;

He is 17. What 17 y/o dates a 15 y/o? Is that normal?

Their dates consist of going to the local movie theater and then walking around our downtown area (which is REALLY small, about one city block).

What really bothers me know is that she wants to hang out at his house during the day. She says his mother is home, but I don't know. Scares me.

My daughter is a good kid. Has never gotten into any kind of trouble, and she has a good headf on her shoulders. Her cousins know the boy and say he is a good kid.

Lord, help me!!

Ahhh how scary, lol. Have you met his parents? How long have they been a "couple"? Have you talked to his mom, is she really going to be home?

Here's some advice from "been there done that"

Meet his parents and have some indepth talks with them. Just because they say "we're keeping an eye on them, we know teenagers" doesn't mean diddly. Some parents feel keeping an eye on them just means that they're in the house somewhere, which could mean in the kid's bedroom with the parents in denial that their lovely son has no interest in ***.
I have become accustomed to the age thing myself so while I'd rather have the same age I'm more interested in what the kid is about, how is he doing in school....is he a plus or a minus to my daughter. Sounds like this kid is a plus.
Check out his parental situation though, literally a sit down conversation and don't be afraid to ask anything, or even lay out your ground rules.....if they think you aren't too worried......they won't be either.

Ha ha, KM -- I'll be very curious to see how you get her to abide by that rule!

quote:

He is 17. What 17 y/o dates a 15 y/o? Is that normal?

welllll at 15 i had fake id and was dating bartenders and i made bamy look shy (amy - can you imagine the fun we could have had - back 'in the day'???) so count your blessings and just stay involved and let her know how much you care.

if that does not work, you should think of relocating... seattle perhaps???

Any Dad can intimidate their daughter's date: just pull him aside and remark "You know, I really don't mind going back to prison....".

I can see the concern....but I have to say it's only a 2 year difference. They're both still in high school =)

However, I definitely agree with Don for you to have a sit down with his parents. Also maybe want to have him over while you are home to "keep an eye" on them.

Most of all, you said that your daughter is a good kid and has a good head on her shoulders. Trust in yourself on how you have raised her.

quote:

Any Dad can intimidate their daughter's date: just pull him aside and remark "You know, I really don't mind going back to prison....".

Excellent advice.

Someone else who knew karate once told me that you can't block buckshot. Maybe I should look into shotguns?

Seriously though, I have talked with his father. Decent guy. Haven't talked with the mom yet. I have been over twice to pick up Megan and neither times was I invited in. His dad came over once to get him and I invited him in. Kinda weird.

But I will definately talk with them, express my concerns.

OKay bikejon . . . breathe . . . be calm.

While yes your daughter is only 15 and her bf is 17 . . . you may not want to hear this but when I was 16 and my bf was 18 . . . his parents both thought we were innocent. . . we were not in some aspects. But we were responsible about it, if that makes sense.

My point is: if you have given her the information that she needs, and are open and honest with her and you feel you can trust her then do so. Nothing is worse than when a parent shows their distrust in their child and then the rebellion starts. lol

From your previous posts, you sound like a great dad and someone who also has a good head on his shoulders. I'm sure you have taught her well and how to behave, etc. I'm sure she has morals and all that.

Sorry if this doesn't help.

And btw, the shotgun thing works . . . Kai's dad never went back to my parents house after my dad took him "shooting." I dont know exactly what happened but let's just say that Kai's dad was nervous around my dad from then on.

Ah this is funny.....
No not your situation Bikejon....the gun talk...

True story....
I grew up on a farm with 5 sisters. When they stated dating it was always the town boys after the country girl. Whenever one would show up to pick one up my dad would always be cleaning a gun. He'd cock it several times in front of them and there's nothing like the sound of cold steal while cocking a gun to send shivers down your spine. After he cocked it he'd look at them with the straightest of face and tell them that he could shoot a fly off a fence post at 100 yards. Poor saps would almost wet themselves. We as well as my dad would always laugh but my sisters never came home late...
Fact the one sister ended up marrying one that went thru this and he still calls my dad sir...LMFAO...

Bikejon...17 and 15 isn't such an odd age be together. Do they go to the same school? Like everyone else said...have a good talk with the parents and get a feel for what kind of family he comes from.
Then stand a shovel in the corner with his name on it....

Just don't push your daughter away over this boy....
It'll be someone new in a week or two anyway....yeah just what you wanted to hear....

I've been told girls mature faster than boys. And I mean socially and mentally also. So the age gap isn't so strange.

I agree with the maturity issue. Girls mature faster then boys. It's not surprising. I'm just afraid he will be more sexually mature/aggressive.

Meg and I have talked a little and she has assured me that they won't do anything, but I'm still very nervous.

Like any teen she doesn't want to talk about the "S" word, but I know it's my duty.

We've talked a bit before and she has had *** ed in school.

Lord, I wish her mom was still with us!

Jon, some of this you may not want to hear....I know I didn't want to know this stuff or deal with it either but wants and needs are two different things.

Yes indeed girls mature faster, and nowadays it's just as common for the girls to WANT to be sexually active as the boys.
NO, they don't want to talk about *** with their parents, especially their dad but.....we do it anyway and they learn that way. *** ed in school is one thing, and home schooling helps round that out....and probably better than at school if done right.
Also Jon.....I have had my daughter on birth control for about a year now, two reasons....just in case......and it has also really helped regulate things/lesson cramps blah blah blah. I know darned good and well there are mixed feelings about this but....it's something I chose to do. And with a lot of regular talks about CONDOMS. The pill alone is not the answer, and even though my daughter will be hard pressed to find opportunity for $ex on my watch she knows darned good and well that there'd better be condoms in use besides the pill should she decide to do that. I fully explained to her that all three of my daughters were conceived while their mothers were on the pill, and honestly....that's not counting a few abortions in my past either. I'm a realist, and I know that no matter how hard I try to keep it from happening, if she decides that's what she wants to do that she will find a way. I can not be there holding her hand 100% of the time.
Again......I'm stressing.......CONDOMS......for diseases and extra protection....while I'm also stressing, how important it is that we talk to these girls about respect for themselves and their choices.

I'm with Don on the birth control/condom issue. I will start Katie on the pill probably in another year or so and I'll definitely be getting her the HPV vaccine. She's lucky to have 5 minutes away from myself, Tom or Tracy and when she's not around us, she's with other adults so she'll have a hard time finding the opportunity but.......where there's a will........

I'm all for getting to know the boyfriend's parents and hammering out some rules about how where they are and how much time they might have alone together. I know I wouldn't hesitate to follow another parents wishes if their child were in my house because I would want the same consideration.

Don, I got tears in my eyes reading your post. When I was young, my mom's stance on s3x was... "Thou shalt not." That was it. I had a decent level of fear and it kept me out of the kind of trouble a lot of kids get into, but I made a lot of mistakes and suffered a lot because I had no guidance at all.

My hat is off to you for how you've confronted these uncomfortable things with your daughter and you have no idea what a comfort that's probably been to her ... maybe only a girl would understand that.

But I have tried to reverse the pattern my parents set on this and have already talked to my 9-year-old son about these things, on an age-appropriate level. I'm determined that whenever he has questions or is confused about girls, he'll know he can come to me and not get a lecture and not have to feel weird about it.

I wish all parents could be like you! There'd be a LOT more well-adjusted kids out there!