I seem to have a problem. I'm attracted to a certain looking and personality type. Time and time again, this type of man has proven to be VERY wrong for me. I'm really trying to open up my options and dating people i'm not attracted to normally, but it seems I only have chemistry with this particular type of butt-hole. Any advice on this? I just feel like i'm either doomed to be in a destructive relationship, or doomed to spend the rest of my life with someone who I can't stand to touch.

I think you have to first take a close look at what type you are attracted to....from that usually you can tell why that is ....once you know why that is ..usually your preference begin to change.

So whatcha waiting for? List out what you're attracted to! LOL

I guess it's different for women, speaking as a guy I find all types of women attractive. However, finding a woman that can stand a nice guy is next to impossible.

Well, I think the guys you'll find posting here are typically the non "butt-hole" types.

Yes do tell us what you're attracted to and maybe we can help ya figure this out.

Personally I'm attracted to several different types of men. I like the tall bald blue eyes fellas, the black hair blue eyes fellas, the baseball cap and jeans guys, lol the older fellas , the tattoos (if they are tasteful) and piercings low rider heavy metal head banging fellas, the wrangler butt country music horse riding fellas, the in the service plays bass guitar writes lyrics bakes brownies and is raising his two kids fella...heck I think I just like men in general.

For some reason, I'm attracted to men who look a bit like me. I think those of you who have seen a pic of my ex could attest to that. Then there's this "ahem friend" of mine who also looks a bit like me, according to some of our friends. Do you think I am being narcisistic???

Anyway, I think that even though we are attracted to a certain type... it doesnt mean that ALL men of this type is wrong for us. sometimes I tend to think that one of the reasons why relationships always fail is because both parties are not flexible enough to accommodate the quirks and idiosyncrasies of the other person. Dont we ever wonder why on earth do arranged marriages work in other countries? It's because once they're married they have no choice but to adjust to the other person. I'm actually considering asking my parents to just "arrange marriage" me with a rich, handsome and intelligent family friend here. LOL

Ok..i've actually thought long and hard about what my problem is for a long time. I do like the bad boy type. I like bald men, tattoos (but piercings freak me out ), harleys or guys in bands. Years ago I thought that it was this image that was bad for me so I went to the other extreme..I dated a black man (still bald though. LOL) Yet, he turned out to be exactly the same personality-wise. I'm really not the "chatty" social type. I'm quiet and reserved in most situations so I usually go for a guy who is more outgoing in social settings. I like someone who will take charge of things as well. Not that i'm incapable, but because i've done it my whole life and I want to be able to relax a bit (and I don't mean I want a guy to do everything...just an equal share). It's not that I don't tolerate a person's quirks because i've actually tollerated TOO much. I know that a person is going to be only who they are so I assess their issues and decide if they are issues I can deal with or not. Somewhere in this process, these guys always turn out to be control freaks. Everytime I miss the beginning warning signs. I tend to go with the flow and let him call most of the shots, and I REALLY don't mind it! Then, later on, the situation has spiraled into me wasting my life on an emotionally abusive control-freak. THIS is the point where I get loud and stand my ground. I really do enjoy making someone happy, but I need someone who is going to respect me as well. I like the bad-boy look, but not the bad boy personality and I just can't seem to find that...though they usually put on a good act in the beginning and **** me in. I should also add that many times these guys end up unemployed and/or with a substance abuse problem. I wonder if i'm doing something to send them this direction, though I can't for the life of me figure out WHAT!?! I'm independent, self-sufficient and I have and excellent job. I keep a clean house, i'm a good mother, i'm family oriented and I even cook! Damn it, I should be wearing a big "S" on my chest for all that I do. I'm not a deadbeat piece of trash yet something makes these men treat me like one.

ETA: Why does the profanity filter allow me to type damn but not s*ck? That's just silly. If I say my child likes to **** her thumb, CPS may be called. LOL

I've also wondered why **** isn't allowed. I guess it depends on the connotation.

Well in the case of the relationship I had with Jewel's father we took it slow for years. I met him when he was just divorced from his ex-wife so we had a casual-dating relationship for a long time. He was a great guy until we took the next step and moved in together (this was 3.5 years). THAT relationship turned out to be the most disasterous. LOL I really just think i'm doomed.

Oh..and if you add an s to **** and say sucks, that is apparently ok. Wouldn't that be the connotation that would NOT be acceptable??

Well, the asterisks can be kind of funny because it leaves a bit to the imagination. I guess it protects those with the purest of minds.

That's what my ex wife did with me. She came to visit and never left. Though we were young at the time. Well, it took her 13 years to leave.

LMAO! I had a date that never left once! Come to think of it, he wasn't at all like the others. He followed me around my apartment like a puppy..he even stood outside the bathroom door when I was in there. Everytime we'd argue he'd lay on the floor and wave his hands and feet and scream just like a toddler. It took me six months to get him to leave. I couldn't stand him either...

quote:

Originally posted by astarte502:
LMAO! I had a date that never left once! Come to think of it, he wasn't at all like the others. He followed me around my apartment like a puppy..he even stood outside the bathroom door when I was in there. Everytime we'd argue he'd lay on the floor and wave his hands and feet and scream just like a toddler. It took me six months to get him to leave. I couldn't stand him either...

are you serious?

Sadly, i'm very serious. He was a trip! LOL

When it comes to my "type" I am fairly open. My ex was a redhead with eyes so light blue they were almost clear (my daughter got them). But I have a weak spot for brown eyes. Don't ask me why, but I think they're sexy. Something about the golden brown eyes that are like a mix of honey and chocolate... I'm there!

But I have the worst habit of picking Mama's Boys. The latest bf (of 3 1/2 yrs) lived with his mom till he was 30 and doesn't even know how to do laundry. I really know how to pick em. And then I wonder why the relationship doesn't work. Sometimes I can be a real idiot.

In my defense, however, sometimes a mama's boy will be more kind and gentle to a woman because their mama taught them right. Unfortunately... they usually end up having too much other baggage for that to matter in the end.

Okay here we go....

LOL

My pscyhotic side is taking over.

WE are attracted to both the negative and positive character traits of our caregivers (parents, adopted or not).

We continue to be attracted to individuals with certain negative personality types until we have learned to heal our past. The longer we hold on to our negative past, the more we will be attracted to that person.

We are also attracted to someone who has the opposite main emotion that we do. For example, if your main emotion is anger, you will be attracted to someone who carries sorrow. You can identify couples like this by watching who in the relationship, gets angry and loses their cool in a conversation, and who is more the quiet type that holds back.

It always takes a person of the opposite emotion, to heal you. The reason for this is a person who's main emotion is anger, usually has difficulty showing sorrow i.e. feels stupid if they cry (just an example), so they will attract a person who's main emotion is sorrow because it prevents the person who's main emotion is anger to show and express sorrow and vice vers.

*sigh*

Did i lose everyone?