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Just wondered if I'm the only one who ever gets this lonely, confused, frustrated and then ends up feeling guilty? My boyfriend and I are having a 'break' this week brought on by my getting into another of my ranting states as a result of missing him so much and our lifestyles being really so different. I don't know where to start. Has anyone else found that it's difficult going out with someone who doesn't have a child when you do (my son is 3)? In many ways he's the the most wonderful person I've ever met and we share the same values and humour. In other ways I get so frustrated because he does things that I didn't like about my ex-husband e.g. going to bed really late and getting up late, not being interested in doing things in the home and garden, 'telling me off' and then I snap and get frustrated and angry. He is very patient when I do get upset (quite often since we've been together) and find life as a single parent difficult but then tends to become distant which I just can't cope with which makes me get upset again and so on. I just can't seem to cope with him now living an hour away, only seeing him at weekends, juggling seeing him and caring for my son (I find it really stressful to be with both of them wanting attention sometimes), having a very different lifestyle (one of a batchelor) and not always considering that I get tired being a mum. I get really insecure about him being able to go off and find someone else who isn't a single mum and do tell him he could (I am that stupid). I think I just don't want to be on my own (I was for single for 2 years) or without him, wonder what sort of things i should just tolerate (I often think I'm lucky to be going out with him being in my situation) and wonder if I am being unfair getting angry when he reminds me of my ex. Any future for us will involve me moving to him away from my friends and to the city from the country. I'm constantly saying he'll be better off without me, what should I do? (if it's not too late already?) I'm so used to be being let down, any advice?
Posts: 3 | Location: Surrey | Registered: 02 August 2004
Originally posted by RC: [qb]Just wondered if I'm the only one who ever gets this lonely, confused, frustrated and then ends up feeling guilty? My boyfriend and I are having a 'break' this week brought on by my getting into another of my ranting states as a result of missing him so much and our lifestyles being really so different. I don't know where to start. Has anyone else found that it's difficult going out with someone who doesn't have a child when you do (my son is 3)? In many ways he's the the most wonderful person I've ever met and we share the same values and humour. In other ways I get so frustrated because he does things that I didn't like about my ex-husband e.g. going to bed really late and getting up late, not being interested in doing things in the home and garden, 'telling me off' and then I snap and get frustrated and angry. He is very patient when I do get upset (quite often since we've been together) and find life as a single parent difficult but then tends to become distant which I just can't cope with which makes me get upset again and so on. I just can't seem to cope with him now living an hour away, only seeing him at weekends, juggling seeing him and caring for my son (I find it really stressful to be with both of them wanting attention sometimes), having a very different lifestyle (one of a batchelor) and not always considering that I get tired being a mum. I get really insecure about him being able to go off and find someone else who isn't a single mum and do tell him he could (I am that stupid). I think I just don't want to be on my own (I was for single for 2 years) or without him, wonder what sort of things i should just tolerate (I often think I'm lucky to be going out with him being in my situation) and wonder if I am being unfair getting angry when he reminds me of my ex. Any future for us will involve me moving to him away from my friends and to the city from the country. I'm constantly saying he'll be better off without me, what should I do? (if it's not too late already?) I'm so used to be being let down, any advice?[/qb]
I truly understand what you are dealing with as far as your feelings are concerned. I am the mother of a daughter-7 and a son 1 year. Their father and I were in a relationship for 9 1/2 years off and on and he finally ended up leaving last week. Such a devistation and all of this mainly because we were two completely different people. Don't get me wrong he was the best company keeper always making me laugh, being great with the kids but there were times when I needed attention that only he could give. When I brought things up on more than one occasion then I was nagging and it turned into a huge fight. Now he is gone and lives 1 hour away.I completely know where you are coming from. Unfortunately I don't have any advise but if you ever need to talk I'm here.
Shianca Dedrick
Posts: 1 | Location: Santa Rosa | Registered: 17 August 2004
stay positive. if you really want this to work step back and look at what YOU ONLY are doing that could be change. like they say if you dont like it change it and if you cant change the way you think about it!!!! he is who he is. you cannot change a person they only can. it would hurt if he did find someone else when hes out having a "normal life style" which really isnt that much fun if you think about it!!! BUT its better to find out sooner than later. well if it would end (lets hope not) but when one door closes another door opens! good luck
Posts: 160 | Location: chicago | Registered: 08 January 2004
Thank you so much for your replies, I felt so much less alone. I really have mixed feelings this week. On the one hand I really miss him and do want to be with him, on the other hand I've had so much more sleep, haven't constantly wondered when he'll phone, have enjoyed my time with my son more and felt far less stressed. My friends tell me that says quite a lot. I feel much stronger within myself and think I became too dependant. I'm so glad to know there are other single parents out there. You're definately right about the "normal lifestyle" not being that much more fun, I'd much rather be jumping on my rebounder batting balls into my son's bath. RC
quote:
Originally posted by bear: [qb]stay positive. if you really want this to work step back and look at what YOU ONLY are doing that could be change. like they say if you dont like it change it and if you cant change the way you think about it!!!! he is who he is. you cannot change a person they only can. it would hurt if he did find someone else when hes out having a "normal life style" which really isnt that much fun if you think about it!!! BUT its better to find out sooner than later. well if it would end (lets hope not) but when one door closes another door opens! good luck[/qb]
Posts: 3 | Location: Surrey | Registered: 02 August 2004
hi everybody- i thought i was the only lonely one.i had been confuse and stress out about getting back with my ex.things happen for a reason.everybody wants me married,my daughter likes things the way they are,and me, i am finding out alot about myself.in two weeks,i will be going back to school.i a hoping the compay i am with,might help me out with school.it will be a benfit for the company and it will make me more marketable,in the future.i am doing things i dream about.i will be sending christmas cards to some of the troops overseas.a customer's husband is overseas right now.she has a service for people to donate items to go to the troops overseas.her husband is going to get a list together od soliders that do not get any mail,to receive a pen pal for our area in the midwest.i have done some many chritmas cards,it is unbelievable.i get lonely,that is when i come here.dale ellen.
Posts: 28 | Location: grayslake,il. | Registered: 22 October 2004
Hi everyone... I am new so let me introduce myself. I am Twila. I have two boys ages 8 and 13. I am residing in Nevada at the moment, but I am originally from Idaho.
Posts: 2 | Location: Nevada | Registered: 29 November 2004
Originally posted by RC: [qb] Just wondered if I'm the only one who ever gets this lonely, confused, frustrated and then ends up feeling guilty? My boyfriend and I are having a 'break' this week brought on by my getting into another of my ranting states as a result of missing him so much and our lifestyles being really so different. I don't know where to start. Has anyone else found that it's difficult going out with someone who doesn't have a child when you do (my son is 3)? In many ways he's the the most wonderful person I've ever met and we share the same values and humour. In other ways I get so frustrated because he does things that I didn't like about my ex-husband e.g. going to bed really late and getting up late, not being interested in doing things in the home and garden, 'telling me off' and then I snap and get frustrated and angry. He is very patient when I do get upset (quite often since we've been together) and find life as a single parent difficult but then tends to become distant which I just can't cope with which makes me get upset again and so on. I just can't seem to cope with him now living an hour away, only seeing him at weekends, juggling seeing him and caring for my son (I find it really stressful to be with both of them wanting attention sometimes), having a very different lifestyle (one of a batchelor) and not always considering that I get tired being a mum. I get really insecure about him being able to go off and find someone else who isn't a single mum and do tell him he could (I am that stupid). I think I just don't want to be on my own (I was for single for 2 years) or without him, wonder what sort of things i should just tolerate (I often think I'm lucky to be going out with him being in my situation) and wonder if I am being unfair getting angry when he reminds me of my ex. Any future for us will involve me moving to him away from my friends and to the city from the country. I'm constantly saying he'll be better off without me, what should I do? (if it's not too late already?) I'm so used to be being let down, any advice? [/qb]
Posts: 2806 | Location: SFV | Registered: 04 December 2004
RC, After reading what you wrote, I couldn't find a single positive note about this guy. If he reminds you a lot of your ex, then you need to take a step back and re-assess. Somehow, you were convinced to be devalued by your own worst critical enemy - yourself. Did it ever occur to you that he is lucky to have YOU in his life? You, being a package deal was never a secret. He saw something in you that gravitated him towards you. Face it, no one wants to be with someone who is insecure and you don't have to be. There is nothing wrong in being a single mom. It's all on how you view you're own situation. If you think they are better off without you, then maybe you're right. If that's how you see it, why wouldn't they? Don't sell yourself short, girl. Life is too short. You will find someone who will love you unconditionally, and you won't have to look far to get it. Best of luck.
Posts: 2806 | Location: SFV | Registered: 04 December 2004
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