Hi! I am new to the board, but just thought I would ask for some advice myself. I will try to sum up whats going on...so as not to bore you all.

I am a single mom of 4. I have been dating a guy for almost 1.5 years. We are supposed to move in with each other soon. WHich I might add we have postponed for about 6 months now due to money, timing and such. Now we find out that I am expecting. He freaks out, and tells me I should abort. I am way confused at this point! I tell him no...he tells me he feels we are different...and I don't put enough into him. He leaves for a week to go to some camp to find himself, and doesn't even inform me where he is going. I find out through other sources. He returns. Wants us to work on being happy. But I am confused. He wants me to change, but not sure if I will, should I have to? I don't want to be alone. Desperate as that sounds. any advice for my crazy life? Gosh I hope this makes some sort of sense...I have never posted anything like this before!!

Sweetheart I am so sorry you are going through this.Please promise you will postpone again and maybe seek some councilling with him.The dicission about the baby is yours but dont get together for that reason and I would cosider it a big warning if he just takes off without telling you anything.You are a single mom of four like me so really what is one more potatoe in the pot.Are you happy about the pregnacy how do you feel and your kids What do you want .He really needs to open up and talk to you before you should go any farther in an relationship.
:welcome: Lots of great people on this site.Take care of your self and hugs and prayers Love Gail

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Originally posted by hockeymom:
[qb] Hi! I am new to the board, but just thought I would ask for some advice myself. I will try to sum up whats going on...so as not to bore you all.

I am a single mom of 4. I have been dating a guy for almost 1.5 years. We are supposed to move in with each other soon. WHich I might add we have postponed for about 6 months now due to money, timing and such. Now we find out that I am expecting. He freaks out, and tells me I should abort. I am way confused at this point! I tell him no...he tells me he feels we are different...and I don't put enough into him. He leaves for a week to go to some camp to find himself, and doesn't even inform me where he is going. I find out through other sources. He returns. Wants us to work on being happy. But I am confused. He wants me to change, but not sure if I will, should I have to? I don't want to be alone. Desperate as that sounds. any advice for my crazy life? Gosh I hope this makes some sort of sense...I have never posted anything like this before!! [/qb]

Please pray about your situation!! Any man who would want you to harm your body and his baby, doesn't sound like someone who you should have around your kids, not to mention living with. Being alone is not as scary as dealing with children who are messed up because of the man in your life. I will keep you in my prayers!

Thanks so much for the advice. I think I am excited...but also scared at the thought of raising another child alone. But I also know I don't want someone in my life, who doesn't feel that I am the one who they want in thier life. I just feel emotional...and a mess right now...just when I think life is on track...I get pushed back over again! Thanks again...I'll keep praying..

i do know how your feling now. iam single mom of 5. i really think you need to talk to him, what he wants out this realtionship and will he love you and the kids and where is thi s realtionship is going and will he except this baby and is happy with it. the other thing how he like around your other kids. also he just might be scred at moment and confused , since he did move in togerther cause money issuses ,this might be more stresser now. now another mouth to feed and takecare of also has he ever had kids? also coulsing togerther might help. also right now your emtional up and down , so please takecare of your self sending prayers

I think in order for a relationship to work, both parties have to bend a little. He says you're not putting enough into him. That's how he feels. If you can accommodate his needs then great. If not then you'll need to re-evaluate as to where this relationship is heading. It's one thing for him to ask you to change your character. It's another for him to ask you to change your behaviours .. depending on what they are. It may be something worthwhile for you to consider.

Also, you didn't specify why you post-poned the living arrangements. I understand money is one issue but what's with the 'timing and such'? It might be helpful if you clarified this.

As for taking off, I think it was probably a good thing for him to do. He's in shock and bringing a baby into this world is a huge commitment and he needs to figure out if he's ready to take this on. Asking you to abort is probably a 'panic' tactic but deep down, if that's how he feels then you'll need to take that into consideration with your final decision about this relationship.

I'm not for or against abortion. I think in some situations it's adviseable and in others it's not. The fact that you have 4 children already and having money issues, I can understand where he's coming from with this. I don't necessarily agree or disagree but I'm an outsider. Talk with him. He's a big part in this and if you're butting heads, are you prepared to become a single mom of 5?

From what i hear and read, it's common for some guys to feel trapped and will either ask to abort, run away, or ask for a dna test. but now that he's come back he's starting to accept it. It's also common for guys to have a fear that they can't provide well for the child in the upcoming future.

What does he want you to change? You've been with him for 1.5 years, is there some things that is an ongoing issues that doesn't seem to resolve? YOu guys may want to get counseling to work on them, for if you can't work on them now, how will it resolve later on. It takes two to make a relationship, so try not to let him think it's all on you to change.

hockeymom, how are things going? are you ok?