How long has it been? I just note that it takes only a few posts for threads to degenerate to gutter level these days (BELIEVE ME, that is by no means a complaint...just an observation). Talk of "coffee," licking popsicles, bikinis and such...(maybe it's just me?) LOL!

I laugh because I have to admit the subject's been on my mind lately...my forcibly imposed two-year celibacy is about as secure as the last piece of sausage at a Baptist church pancake breakfast.

And frankly, I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I've liked that I have made this far without having a tragic liaison and a broken heart, that I've maintained my self-control. You know me and my faith. Really I've been dealing with it by not thinking about it and not putting myself in a position where the opportunity to would present itself.

Now a certain person, who happens to be very good with a stick, who shares my faith, and with whom I've had extensive conversations about discipline, must have doused himself in pheromones last night. That or I'm in serious heat. I think I am in good company here. All that laughing and cuddling and teasing, and before I knew it I couldn’t get “it” off my mind. I got really spooked and told him I had to get up early in the morning, that we’d better call it a night. I have no idea what how he was reacting, I just needed him on the other side of the door and fast.

So has waiting been a good experience for you? I’m not sure, because I could have handled the situation better last night. I’m scared to death of regrets and falling in love again but my goodness, those beastly urges have been awakened!

quote:

licking popsicles,

darn I missed that one I think

quote:

Now a certain person, who happens to be very good with a stick

uh....um......pardon?



Alright, now that the gutter part is out of the way..just a bit of input....this just bit me in the rear recently as it seems to have a way of doing. This is just my opinion. There is lust and there is love....KNOW the difference before getting into anything. Would you be doing it out of those beastly/primal urges or because you love this person and want to share that intimacy? Can you honestly separate falling madly in love feelings from just some darned good lust feelings (assuming that it is good). If you can't separate those feelings, than fight those urges until you really are falling in love with that person so you know that the love is true ahead of time. Again that's just my opinion, your mileage may vary, and I might not be the best to give advice about this right now. I apparently broke another heart.......

If nothing else this should freshen this topic back to the top for some other input

It's hard not to think about it at times. I myself have imposed a length of time to not have coffee with anyone. I've found it normally complicates things and makes it even more difficult. As for length of time since the last time I've had coffee well it's been since April. Not long I know, but you asked.

As for the faith and needing him on the other side of the door...I agree. My faith is what makes it hard for me to have coffee with anyone b/c it's my thought that it should be with someone I love, who loves me and who preferably I'm in a long term relationship with. Stick with your faith and you'll never go wrong.

Oh it had been over 1 1/2 years prior. I think the next "relationship" I get into I will try to do a better job of not doing anything for "x" amount of time into the relationship no matter what.
Meanwhile I won't ignore my FWB situation for 1 1/2 either.

I was wondering who'd be the brave soul to answer this first

I just got out of something, and before that it was about a year. I thought my "something" would help but as soon as I had it I quickly realized it wasn't what I wanted so... back to square one

quote:

Originally posted by Moosey:
I just got out of something, and before that it was about a year. I thought my "something" would help but as soon as I had it I quickly realized it wasn't what I wanted so... back to square one

...I could have wrote this.

I think if I had waited, things may have worked out longer... but ultimately it would have ended anyway.

BUT...I will wait if I ever get into another relationship. Really...I will.

LolaO,
It sounds like you already know that you are seriously afraid of the pain of another broken heart. And rightfully so!

It reminds me of something someone said to me that I hope you can relate to. In a conversation about how I planned to be sucessful, my answer was to stay single. The other person was taken back by that answer and commented how I didn't even take into consideration there are good guys out there that could be an asset. The point being is that I've been hurt and betrayed so badly, that I've come to believe that it WILL happen again, not that it might.


In regards to the "urges", is it guilt that makes you feel confused? Perhaps by your faith or becasue your a mom? Or is it fear of making a mistake and getting hurt?

I know I'm the type that puts love and *** together. Sometimes I wish I wasn't becasue then maybe life would be easier. My chastity belt is securly locked, but one day if I were in your situation, I'm not sure what I would do. I probably would freak out, but who knows.

Finally, is this person you are talking about someone you could see a long term relatonship with and how well do you know them?

I cant help but think of the balance of power shift between men and women with love-making.

In our youth, women really do call the shots. We could walk up to virtually any man anywhere (like Samantha in S*x and the City) and giddyup!

There's a joke about a woman in her 80s walking in to the game room of her nursing home with her hand over her head and she yelled out to the
guys milling about "whoever can guess what I am holding in my hand can have s*x with me"

One guy laughs and yells "an elephant!"

She grabbed him by the shirt collar and dragged him away screaming "close enough!!"

The balance of power has now shifted to the man looking for a woman 20 years younger. Makes me think about what the future holds...

quote:

Originally posted by LolaO:
How long has it been?

I ended an 8 month relationship in December - Yikes! Have 6 months already passed? Now i'm depressed. Personally, i don't share your morality conflicts. So, for me i would give in to the primal, animal, urges But, unfortunately i don't really have the opportunity to meet anyone, so it's not even an issue. I'm going to go cry in my pillow now...

how long has it been? too long..lol. personally, it's been about 5 years for me. i split with my ex when my daughter was about 6 months old. and although ive been in a few relationships since then..i've pretty much always ended it before it got to that point. i don't believe there's a "set time" but i do believe there's a right time. and the right time is with the right person. i don't mind waiting.
i guess all this "coffee" talk etc does get bit much sometimes. i mean you'd think we were a bunch of s*x maniacs. LOL. But honestly i think it's all in good humor and most of us here have pretty high morals and values when it comes to that.

I'm definitely incapable of *** without feelings attached. For those who haven't read my saga (LOL!), I'm seeing a drummer who goes to my church. It has been the slowest buildup ever: so we're not anywhere close to thinking long-range. I'm certainly afraid of doing the do, falling prematurely, getting clingy and then having to face him in church. It's just too much.

Last night was definitely about lust, even though I think the world of him and I know love is bound to happen sooner or later. He's a gentleman, he would never try to take advantage of me, but he kissed my neck and my ear, I thought I was going to pass out. LMAO. It has been too long since I've even felt that sensation. I couldn't handle it.

Can't stop thinking about it either.

Its been 4 years for me. The last person was Kai's sperm donor just before he disappeared when I was 6 months prego. This is a personal choice for me as I do think it complicates things and that I want a long term relationship with the next person I sleep with. I've always had long term relationships, except one (but that's another story), and thats what I want. I cannot separate those feelings from the act, therefore, I want to be in love before I break that streak.

I think its a personal choice and if you are doing what is right for you, more power to yah. I know that this situation can be tough, I've had tempting offers, but I know what I want and I'm not going to cheat myself on that.

Well for me it's been.....oh let's see 5 days, lol. I can seperate feelings and the "act" and have done so on and it works for me. I have however gone my time without, longest was 2 years and 2 months and that was from the time I found out I was prego til, well mr. lucky came along lol.

I say do what you are comfortable with.

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
Ah but it's sometimes true that you find all kinds of new and wonderful things about yourself if you step outside your comfort zone.

Ohhh I so know it! lol Which reminds me I hadn't gotten to talk to you in soo long Amy, haha but I'm got news, lol news only you would probably be able to be happy with me on, haha and way too personal to just post. Gonna have to PM you.

Okay I just sent it to ya, haha at first I thought I posted it here, nearly had a heart attack, lol. You can certainly live through me.