Hi. I need some advice! My boyfriend and I are both selling our houses and buying one for us. He plans on getting me a ring in the next couple of months and we will be getting married this year. I'd love a man's opinon on this as well as a womans!

Where I need advice is with this, I have 5k credit card debt, my boyfriend has zero. We both like to be debt free so want this paid off before the pressure of a new mortgage arrives. He thought it would be a good idea to sell my jewelery from my ex as a means to pay off the cc debt. I don't want to do that b/c I love my jewelery! He asked me how I thought he would feel watching his wife wearing stuff given to her by someone else and it seems a good solution to pay off the cc debt. I agree to sell my engagement ring, but the rest I don't want to part with. It has no sentimental value to me whatso ever, I just really like it and know it would not be replaced and thought one day I'd give it to my daughter. He thinks this is greedy and not putting us first towards a debt free start for him, me and my daughter.

Other then this one point, we have a very great, solid relationship but I hate that he thinks I'm being greedy b/c I want to hold on to some very nice peices I know I'll never own again. I should mention I have a very large jewelery collection that over my lifetime could not be replaced.

He makes 2x more then I do salary wise and I am putting down 2 1/2 times more then what he is on the house we are going to buy. It seems so silly to me to argue about 5k in debt (and after I sell the engagement ring 2500 in debt).

Am I being selfish for not wanting to part with it?

ALL ADVICE WELCOME! I really don't know what to do. I don't feel like I"m being selfish and need some outside opinions!

CG in NJ

MHO is do the things in this order:

1. get him to buy you your ring
2. get married
3. sell your house
4. put that money into getting debt free (If you want to sell your other engagement ring...that's your choice)
5. buy your new house together on an equal basis
6. and never ever let him push you into a decision you'll regret later

If he wants you to sell your jewellery, ask him, say, to sell all his tools or whatever he's into:.. his car, motorbike, his stamps collection, his scuba diving gear, his golf clubs, his car models, ... to put down the same amount on the new house.
I'm not into jewellery, but NEVER would I part from my red Snap On ratchet screw driver, or my Leatherman 'The Wave' for a guy (ok, these are far from being worth 5KUS$ ), and yes, these were gifts from an ex.

Hi Gig....I don't recall saying welcome before so WELCOME.....

I was a little confused so went back and read your other posts here. And if I read them right you had your daughter with the ex. That being the case that would mean the engagement ring and jewelry were bought by your daughters father. Am I on the right track here? If so then you shouldn't sell anything...not even the ring being that your daughter has a stake in it as well..so to speak. As a man I wouldn't think of asking a woman in a case such as this to sell anything. That is jewelry you will, I assume, pass on to your daughter from her father. Sounds like someone got bit by the green eyed monster to me.

The other thing that bothers me here is that you are putting more towards the house than he is. How about dividing the house equally and using what you'd save to pay off the credit card. 5k in credit card debt is really not that much and a wise person would include that debt in the selling and buying of the new home. Seems a little selfish to me on his part that you're putting more towards the house AND he expects you to pay off that debt as well. The house your selling is yours and whatever equity you have is yours and should be used to pay down your debt before it helps put a roof over his head. If that interferes in the purchase of the new house then look at a cheaper home to fit the down payment you could afford after you satisfy your debt. This sounds too much like win/win for him and lose/lose for you in the long run if something happens. I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole...love or no love....the situation as you present it would be financially foolish on your part. No offence to the current guy but he didn't help you get what you have today did he...then don't let him risk your losing it.

My advice & opinion:
Keep the jewelry...including the ring. If he doesn't like it then he has issues other than jewelry.
And the jewelry is a seperate issue from the house and/or debt deal.
Include the debt payoff in the transaction with the selling of your home
And you never...I said you NEVER buy into a house in an unequal partnership with someone you're not married too...
I don't care if you are "planning" to get married....reality is shitt happens.
Don't risk putting yourself in a lose position. This whole situation leans to one side....his.

Just my thoughts......

I'm with HB on the idea of taking part of what you're putting down and pay off that debt. You're perfectly entitled to your jewelry and he'll just have to get over that. If I had had an engagement/wedding rings from my ex, I most likely would've put them back for daughter when she's older not have sold them to some stranger. So what if they do hold sentimental value? You were married to that man and had a life with him. Are you just supposed to forget the time you spent with him because you have a new relationship? You obviously have children so are you supposed to get rid of them because they came from your ex? In my opinion, he's being a bit childish by wanting you to get rid of it.

I couldn't agree with HB more. That ring and all of the jewelry you own could someday be given to your daughter. That is something she can hold dear to her as coming from both you and her father. It's none of your fiance's business whether you keep it or not. You're not making him sell anything. You can take $5k out of what you'll be getting for your home to pay off your debt without losing anything you have and tell him to cough up his share of the down payment. Don't let him push you into something you're not 100% on board with. That's no way to begin a marriage. If he is earning more than twice your salary, why on earth should you be paying more than twice his share of the down payment on your home??? Put part of that money aside into a savings plan for your daughter or for an emergency fund for yourself should you someday need it. That just doesn't sound like the best of decisions, easy on him but expensive on you.

Sounds like he's jealous of what your ex gave you. His problem, not yours.

Keep the jewelry
Get rid of the debt by less down on the house. I'm assuming the lopsided down payment plan is due to you having more equity in your house? So how does he figure that you have the lopsided debt with your CC, sounds to me like you are the one money ahead.....regardless of why your down payment is so much more.

If I got involved with someone with past relationship and items/jewelry from that relationship.....who cares, the past is the past....it's the present and future that matter.

It seems odd that your BF wants you to put more down for a house and sell your jewelry to pay off a $5k debt. Perhaps it's just a thorn in his side to see you wearing something someone else bought you.

Also, starting a marriage debt free is soooo rare these days. Most people I know owe on student loans or they are making car payments.

I remember attending one of those "Financial Peace" seminars where the speaker asked why do single people wait to be married when they are debt free... it didn't make sense especially when you are trying to build a meaningful relationship where two people resolve problems together. To make one person fix themselves before becoming a part of a union is insulting.

there just seems to be a lot of insecurities and little trust issues swirling around.

All you've got is 5k of debt????? ssssooooo very jealous....