Am I alone in not being able to believe in someone or trust when it comes to dating? I'm starting to think I am so suspicious of guys that even when they may be honest I won't believe them, and I doubt I'll ever have any kind of relationship that means something.
Case in point, a few months back I was single and dated casually off and on. My computer was down a few months so I did'nt get on here much, and in that time I met a guy I really felt something for, and we got real serious...then I found out he lived w/his girlfriend and their child! I found this all out by accident, and I actually investigated it by going to the apts where they actually lived...(b4 we were always at his brothers apt., which he has said was his) It took some doing to get the truth out of him, but I did. And the bad part was it took me another month to really end it, because I had fallen for him, and he convinced me they were only still together for the child and they would be split up soon. I feel really stupid for even trying to hope we would be together after all that, it's really embarrassing to admit too, because I know I should have eneded it right away, but it really hurt me. I finally got fed up because I couldn't trust him at all afterwards, and we always fought, and I feel he was dragging things out, or maybe playing me and his g/f, or who knows what......
Anyways, this is why I don't trust men. I know you all arenot like that, but I just always feel skeptical..even now when I date someone, if they tell me something I can smile and nod, but inside I am actually thinking if they are trying to play me......so I don't know. All I do know is I am better off when I am not "in love" with someone, even though it would be great to be w/someone that you can trust and count on and have great chemistry, I feel like a loser magnet!
Anything anyone wants to add to this would be great, I would really appreciate some feedback.

Stop thinking so much.


I know that sounds silly, but from reading your post, that is your issue. If you go into every involvement looking for the worst, that is all you will find, and those are the types of guys you will seek out. I know its hard, but try to be open minded going in. I was in a relaitonship where I was compared to two ex hubbies that treated her like dirt. I would say I would do something and the responce was "no you won't, noboby every does" We (men) can since that distance and some will just think, If they are not trusted might as well get out it what they can. some will just fade away and you will think they had someone else. trusting is hard I know, and I don't mean just jump in with blind abandon, but relax and allow a person to blossom. the guy you mentioned was playing you and his g/f. try not to paint us all with the same brush. good luck and God Bless

I agree with Wyatt. But who am I but a hopeless romantic. I will tell you this, when I met my bf I was holding back and waiting for the worst to happen. I did not even realize that he has noticed unitl one day he told me that it was not fair that he had to pay for the sins of another man and that he was not going to do it. In my mind I was thinking fine-whatever!!! But my heart told me he was right, even though it is hard to step out on faith at times you just have to. But there are more good men out in the world than it is rotten boys. Look at the MEN here

Trust....that is one thing I give so easily to a new relationship but once it's borken that man pays dearly getting it back if they get it back at all. The werid part is I don't trust guys at the same time. Like anuder75 said her BF was not going to pay for past BF. I heard that b4 as well. I've tried to let it go and have done well in the past but yet some how these "great" men have wronged me everytime (cheating,abuse, etc.) So once again I am back at square one. I turst get my heart slammed and get right back and keep hoping the next one will be different.

As Wyatt said don't paint all men w/the same bursh. I have learned from this board there are good men out there just not in my state or country for that matter LOL

I know I rambled but tried to give some advice somehow. I'm still at the same point you are at. I try to trust everytime and get hurt so many times over.

I hate it b/c I have a hard time letting men get close to me now and I'm afaird I may miss out on a great guy b/c of the jerks in my past.

By the way I have that loser magnet thing going on as well. So you're not the only one.

SPIRIT

TS ... ya just gotta dump the baggage.

I think we have to forgive ourselves first. Once you are able to reconcile what happened with guys in the past, just try to learn from it...but do not become jaded ..because you are right. If you think all men are going to play you .. that is most likely what you will find.

Past hurts teach us what to look for.. where the red flags are. Use the experience, but try not to dwell on it.

I am certain, I am one of the loneliest people around... but I have done well to give any new guy the benefit of the doubt, and keep my faith that somewhere ... someday ... I will find the right person for me.

Don't feel stupid because someone played you - it's his karma - NOT yours!

Hugssssssssssssssss

InnI you're right learn from your past and look for the warnings. You're right TS should wipe the the slate clean so to speak and let the new men be just that new men. Trust they have no ill intent.

There I go again givng great advice and I should follow it myself. Maybe I'll do just that but that will have to happen after my baby is born. I've decied to put my dating on the back burner during my pregnancy and worry about more improtant things.

Hey I read thru the granny pannys posting LOL and maybe that is our way to weed out the bad jerk guys. They cut down on the *** a woman gets and most guys that are attracted to me only want that one thing. LOL So thats how I find the decent guys. All this time I had been wearing g-string and thongs to attract the man. I guess the wrong undies LOL I guess I'll need to do some serious shopping in about five months.L

Oh well some day I'll do something right?!

SPIRIT

You guys are hilarious, men (believe it or not) get taken by women the same way. I have trust issues like you wouldn't believe. Right now I don't even trust myself to date seriously because I don't trust my emotions. I certainly wouod have a hard time trusting a woman, with every thing I wnet thru in my last 2 relationships. But I know that I will trust myself again and then I'll be ready to date and then I will trust that person until (hope this doesn't happen) they don't deserve it anymore.

And SPIRIT good guys don't care what kind of undies you wear we are more interested in the whole package, the friend that will bring us chicken noddle soup when we are sick. Not to say that there isn't a time for g-strings and thongs. But keep that in mind when you go shopping in about 5 months. LOL

Chicken noodle soup? Oh you big baby. LOL

I must agree, for me, it isn't the undies, but a woman that would listen to me even though I may say something off the wall or silly. a woman that will understand that I am not perfect and accept me with my faults. One that will understand that when it comes to my children, I am not willing to put them on the back bunner. and what ever undies she may have on, is really unimportant

It's funny how we all want the same things yet we have such a hard time finding them. Where are they hiding these traits?

Thanks you guys for all the advice and encouragement, I don't know what I am going to do now as far as any relationships...I hate to admit it but I still have feelings for the guy I mentioned, and I have been trying to date other guys, hoping to just forget about him. Even if things did end up working out for us though, I know it would take a lot for me to really trust him. But Im trying to be realistic and take it one day at a time, I guess that's the best I can do for now..

Wyatt and Dali that's great to hear the good guys aren't freaked out by granny panny's. LOL

Miss jess your right if there are so many people looking for the same traits where are we all? It's like looking thru the single adds I have in my local news paper and wonder where all these single men are in my city!

SPIRIT

TS, the only advice I can give you is to broaden your friend/aquaintance pool by doing new things. Find a couple of hobbies, that are new that involve other people. I belong to aan aquarium club (I know fish geek ), and I play basket ball, and I have started going to differant place when I go out so I can meet new people, even if I only gain 1 new friend and no relationship to me it was worth it. And you never no where a relationship can start.

Spirit if I knew where all the potential good partners where I wouldn't have to spend some much time interviewing so many woman (even though parts of the interview process is fun, like finding out if they wear granny panties LOL). Sorry I am in the same boat you are, looking thru the singles ads.

TS, the only advice I can give you is to broaden your friend/aquaintance pool by doing new things. Find a couple of hobbies, that are new that involve other people. I belong to aan aquarium club (I know fish geek ), and I play basket ball, and I have started going to differant place when I go out so I can meet new people, even if I only gain 1 new friend and no relationship to me it was worth it. And you never no where a relationship can start.

Spirit if I knew where all the potential good partners where I wouldn't have to spend some much time interviewing so many woman (even though parts of the interview process is fun, like finding out if they wear granny panties LOL). Sorry I am in the same boat you are, looking thru the singles ads.

funny, this is the second or third post that started one way, and ended up another. so how did we get from trust issues to granny panies? you guys have waaaaaaaayyyyy to much time on your hands (and so do I)