So I've been having a few bad days, per another post but after talking to a friend this weekend she suggested that I go out and sleep with someone in order to help get over my ex. Now, I am someone who has never had a 1 night stand and could never sleep with someone just to sleep with them. I believe you should be in a long-term relationship or at least been with the person more than 6 months, I guess it depends on the relationship, before sleeping with that person. Now, those are just my standards.

The thought had crossed my mind to do this, however I have a friend that is all too willing to accomodate me but that is a bag I don't want to open. But I do wonder if this friend has a point. I know it helped her out but honestly, I really don't think this kind of "therapy" is for me.

I cried so bad after she suggested I do this. But part of me was laughing because that's exactly what my ex did. Or so he stated when I saw him the last time. I am not upset with my friend for suggesting it, but more upset that I can't move past my ex even though it's been over a year since I even talked to him. I don't see Kai has his daughter anymore, I see her as MY daughter.

I told my friend's suggestion to the guy friend I have who is trying to suggest that we date. We have been friends for 6 years and I haven't scared him off yet so . . . Anyway, he said that did not sound like me and I would probably live to regret it if I did it. I agreed.

Well folks, looks like this is just another rough day to work through. I almost got to thinking this morning, what if I just write a letter to my ex stating all that I would like to say to him, even if I don't send it. Maybe that would help!?!?

Seems to me you are ignoring your own signature line. And 6 months? Gotta be honest bug; a women who has my romantic interests would lose me long before 6 months without some sort of touchy feely things going on. Your friend does have a point. Your heart and body are screaming for attention but you're holding back. I'm not saying grab the first piece of meat that says "yes' but maybe you could loosen up. And a friend of 6 years is a great start. I always try to build a friendship first. You already have that.

Now for a little tough love dear. The "ex" is GONE! Good riddance. Get over it and move on. I wrote to another member here the other day that the highway of life is riddled with roadkill. Why are you standing there staring at it hoping it moves again?

Chin up bug. I've seen your pic. Why are depriving the good men of the world such a beautiful woman? You're not being fair. What you do behind closed doors is your business and no-one needs to know. And you can still hold your morals and standards close. Just because you satisfy a need, does not make you evil or sinful.
Just be discreet.

Hugs to you bug.

Now I'll shaddup.

Thanks jaydsdad. I don't mean no intimacy but the whole *** thing for me is extremely personal. I guess that does seem a little long now that someone has been honest and upfront with me. I am terrified to get hurt again. I know that I have to be realistic about this and I know that I need to look ahead. But the thought of getting that close to someone again, really scares me. I have had two long term/serious relationships, and they both ended with me getting my heart broken. The one thing I can say that is positive is that I gained a daughter, and my first ex is one of my best friends. I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything, and that was after 6 years together and we almost got married.

I know I should be cautious and not hold back so much but I seriously can not shake this feeling that I have. I am so scared it hurts sometimes.

I don't know who said these words but they are some of my favourites;

"it is better to fly and fall, then to never have flown at all"

Yah, I agree with that but it's the thought of pursuing someone again and then the possibility of getting hurt again. I have a big fear of that. Plus, I haven't explained this to anyone but I have big trust issues. I had a really hard time trusting anyone after my first breakup, then my ex (Kai's dad) came along and it took me over a year to trust him and when I finally did, he broke my heart. I now have "walls" that are more than likely not going to come down easy.

JD, I have to disagree on this one.

Bug by no means should you do something with someone when you are in this state of mind. You need to move on from you ex but in a healthy way, and if you sleep with your friend and decide it was a mistake you run the risk of losing that friendship forever. I can tell you that I was with someone that wasn't over their ex once and right in the middle of everything she broke down crying, and asked me to leave, and after that she wouldn't even talk to me. We had been dating about a month and I really liked her.

I do agree that you are not listening to your own advice, and that you are a beautiful woman, who should have no problem getting a date and once you have a relationship even if it is only weeks or months old I say get your needs meet. You don't need to wait six months, you are human and have human needs and they are important to a healthy physical as well as mental well being.

I don't know a lot about your relationship with your ex, but he doesn't sound like he is worth what your putting your self through.

Hope this helps, Dali

Well Dali, I'll tell you about my ex. When I met him it was right after my first breakup. We became fast friends and spent a lot of time together. One night things developed and we moved beyond friends. 2 months later he moved into my apartment and we lived together for about a year and then lived together on and off for about 9 months. Finally, I moved in with my mom and saw him every weekend. Well, he got evicted from the apartment we shared and asked to move in with me since his brother would not let him move in there. So, I agreed to let him share my room and live with me. Technically, we were not together but I wanted to be together so bad I couldn't see past what was happening. Well, about 2 weeks after he moved in, he said he wanted to move out because he felt it was too hard on me for him to stay and us only being "physical" and not "together. I found out I was 3 months pregnant and told him. He was ecstatic! He called his family and told them and was as happy as could be and started making plans for our life together.

This is where things really got bumpy. He didn't go to my first doctor's appointment because he said he didn't need to and was working instead. Anyway, to make a really long story short he moved out to his brother's about 6 weeks after I told him about the pregnancy. He stopped talking to me but I was in touch with his whole family, including his brother. I called his brother to tell him Kai was a girl and he told my ex to call me. Well then the ex and I started talking and doing things again. Then one day he snapped! He was yelling at me and just going off the handle, which was not like him, and finally he pushed me out the door and told me to forget he existed. F*****!

So I have not talked to him since that day. He smoked pot morning, noon and night. Stayed up until 4:00 a.m. playing games with his friends and worked about 6 months out of the year. I supported him most of the time and even participated in his "extra-curricular activities" as my life changed from something that had a chance to not much of one. I made the choice to make him keep his decision to not be involved because I believe it is the best thing for Kai.

But he wasn't all bad. He was the one person who knew me for me. He didn't see me as weird but as eccentric, as he was. He had so many emotional walls, for whatever reasons, and I could not break through his walls. He was eccentric and out of control. He still is.

Anyway, I do miss him because not all of it was bad, but when I look at all the bad, I do realize it's for the best. But my heart still hurts and I still feel empty. I do miss him even though it's best he is not here.

I think you made the right choice regarding your es and keeping him out of your and Kai's life. So now you need to pack those memories in a trunk in your heart and move on. You can pull the out once in a while and maybe even have a tear or two over a cup of java, and a smile or two at the good times. But you need to start a new chapter in your life and start making new memories. I wish I could come and give you a big hug and let you cry it all out and then kick you in the butt so you will move on. But greyhound said they don't go to Michigan anymore cause it's cold and just not really on the way to anywhere else. So I offer this advice and all my heart felt wishes for you.

Dali.

Thanks! I know that I need to move on and I'm trying. I have taken all of his pictures, music and art in my computer and saved them in a file for Kai in case she gets curious later, which I'm sure she will.

I just feel like someone cut out my heart and I have this big empty space there now. I am sick of hurting and I am sick of trying think of what I could have done different. He is who he is, and I can't change that. I wish I could just forget he ever existed as he suggested, but realistically that is not going to happen. I know it but the thought is still there. I am trying. I really am. I want to be happy and I want Kai to be happy. If I'm not happy, Kai will see that and I know how that kind of things affects kids.

And it's not that cold up here hon.

And it's not that cold up here hon.
She says through her scarf as she pile more wood on the fire.
I bet that anyplace you are is warmed solely by your presence.

Awww, Dali, you sure know how to make a girl blush. You do lots of things to this girl. LOL, I just had to say that. I'm crackin up now!

Not touchin that statement sweetie, don't want another warning from father Don.

That's what I thought. Anyway, you have put a smile no this girl's face and made her feel a bit better today. Thanks bunches. :sweetheart: :huggies:

No prob, I just call em like I see em.

That's what I love about this place. I wouldn't say we disagree...rather we have given you the different avenues to take in your search for comfort. And Dali can disagree with me anytime. It's the different textures that gives this place the character it has. Now you see things in different lights. The bottom line is you do feel better right bug?

Tip o the hat to you Dali.