Ok, I know everyone has heard this story before but why can't I just get over him? Now I'm not talking about my ex-husband but my ex-boyfriend. It's been 4 months now and I just can't seem to get over him and get on with life. I don't even think about dating other guys, my thoughts always seem to go back and start to wonder what "he's doing". We dated for over 3 years and it still hurts so badly. I try to keep myself busy with my girls but especially at night or driving to/from work is the hardest for me. I know everyone keeps telling me it will take time but I am so tired of hurting and wanting him back.

The worse part is we are still friends. I try not to show how this still hurts me and how bad I want to be with him. About a month ago I had to go into the hospital for emergency surgery and he was there for me. He stayed with me the whole time I was in the hospital. I know he still cares for me but he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship he says.

quote:

Originally posted by SillyGirlsnGA:
Ok, I know everyone has heard this story before but why can't I just get over him? Now I'm not talking about my ex-husband but my ex-boyfriend. It's been 4 months now and I just can't seem to get over him and get on with life. I don't even think about dating other guys, my thoughts always seem to go back and start to wonder what "he's doing". We dated for over 3 years and it still hurts so badly. I try to keep myself busy with my girls but especially at night or driving to/from work is the hardest for me. I know everyone keeps telling me it will take time but I am so tired of hurting and wanting him back.

The worse part is we are still friends. I try not to show how this still hurts me and how bad I want to be with him. About a month ago I had to go into the hospital for emergency surgery and he was there for me. He stayed with me the whole time I was in the hospital. I know he still cares for me but he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship he says.

That can take some years to happen. You need time. Its not going to happen instantly. When your mind starts to wander to thoughts of him, think of something else.

Yeah, I agree with spindizzy. It just takes time. It's nice that you have such a nice ex-boyfriend that you would still be friends, but sometimes that makes it even harder to digest the loss of the relationship.

Yes that usually is why I don't stay in contact with ex boyfriends....when it is done it is done....it gets complicated when they find a partner and they have to explain to the partner that there is nothing between you and him *sigh*

Personally I don't keep in contact with ex's. Unless I have no choice... hence my son's father! I just don't see the point in it, or how anything good could come out of it. It seems to me that it would just be harder to pull away because there is still some sort of attachment there. I think the best bet is to cut it off all the way, and move on. It is hard at first but it will get easier, especially once you start invovling yourself with good friends to keep you occupied.

Even though I've been guilty at least once of breaking that rule....I'd can disagree with advice being given.

When it's over...it's over.

:edit: me and my stupid typos...I meant "cant". ...sheesh.

quote:

Originally posted by jtsmommy2000:
Personally I don't keep in contact with ex's. Unless I have no choice... hence my son's father! I just don't see the point in it, or how anything good could come out of it. It seems to me that it would just be harder to pull away because there is still some sort of attachment there. I think the best bet is to cut it off all the way, and move on. It is hard at first but it will get easier, especially once you start invovling yourself with good friends to keep you occupied.

well yes of course there is the exception when you have a child with that person .....no choice there. LOL

I keep in contact with all my ex's....no really, it's true. Regardless if they broke it off, or I did, doesn't matter. I am still close with them and communicate at the very least on a monthly basis. That being said, it took me 2 years of not talking to my ex-wife to be able to have her back in my life as a friend. That gave me time to mourn and heal and move on. Each other ex took around a year of not communicating, but as I said, they are all back in my life, even if they are nothing more than an IM buddy.

I think that you may need to break away and do some healing before you can be truthful to the relationship that you are trying to build with your ex. You are claiming that you are "friends" but bear in mind that being around "friends" is not constant pain and agony as being around the one that you want and can't have. In my opinion, you need time away from him to realize who you are and that you don't need him and give you that oh so needed mourning time. Once you are able to be a friend to him and nothing more, then try to work on a friendly relationship. It works, trust me.

Just some food for thought,

-J

I am still friends with a lot of my ex's. But if I had feelings for them other than friendship, I would stay away. Just too messy and hard on myself.

Yes it would be very hard if you still have feelings for that person. I think it would be best to break free at least for a while, then maybe a friendship would be able to work. But I guess I just dont see a point in it for me. I look at it like this, if it's over then let it be over. It is very hard to be friends with someone that you had that type of relationship with.