well as in my last post I mentioned about this guy I really like, he is really great to me, and I would like nothing more than to move ahead with him, but, there always seems to be a but, he has a history, as we all do, the only reason I even went out on date with him, was because I wanted to see what he has been up to for the past five years, I have known him that long and was thinking about dating him back then, but he had issues with alcohol, so this time around, I just wanted to really be more support for him, and ended liking what i saw and heard, but I am so confused, He seems like he is realy getting it together, and with me divorcing my ex, because of alcohol, it makes me worry, this guy has been through treatment and classes and I when ever I have been with him, seems to do just fine, i have made my point clear on what kind of man I would see and what kind I wouldn't even think about, and he understands, and has even said that he has things he would still like to work on for himself, not for me.
so enter my controversy, I really feel like he is trying to better himself and lead a healthier life, he wants to attend church with me and stuff like that, I believe we shouldn't judge people by their past, but what is in their hearts, and he has an incredible heart, though my ex husbands are on a rampage, they don't like him and have done everything to make sure this doesn't work out for me, they really have no place to judge anyone, and I realize they are speaking out of jeaoulousy, I have also heard many good things about this guy from other people who are credible. So i am torn, do I take the chance with a guy, who I am actually interested in,and believe in, or should I just walk away,
I am so torn with this, please help

Take the chance just make sure you guard and watch for warning signs.I hope it all works out the way you want.Hugs Gail

If it was me I guess I would take it slow but would give it a chance. I would like to talk (with his permission) to his councillor or whoever has run his classes about where they feel he is at. If he has really put alcohol behind him he shouldn�t feel that is too threatening and I feel that I could get the most honest picture from them. I don�t think someone�s past sets in concrete their future. You have heard good stuff about this man from others and that is a good sign, I would just like to hear what a professional that has dealt with him says. Wishing you every happiness!
Aroha

quote:

Originally posted by Zealand:
[qb] I would like to talk (with his permission) to his councillor or whoever has run his classes about where they feel he is at. If he has really put alcohol behind him he shouldn�t feel that is too threatening and I feel that I could get the most honest picture from them. [/qb]

I'd say give him a chance. I wouldn't take it as far as Zealand has suggested though. I think giving him the benefit of the doubt is enough for now as long as you keep your guard up. I don't think I'd feel comfortable in having a love interest speak with my counsellor - even if I was genuine to my word. If you're looking to support him then you would have to trust him to a point - not second guess him by speaking with his counsellor. IMO

How is it that your ex's are aware of your romantic interests? I'd avoid these type of conversations with them at all costs. Naturally, they're not going to be supportive.

Listen to your gut and take it slow.

I'm here to tell you that a person's past is certainly not gauranteed to be his present and future. My past...well....thankfully it's the past. Anyway, nothing wrong with giving someone a chance to prove themselves. I think you can give it an honest attempt while keeping yourself safegaurded for a while also. Just take it slow, and honestly..pay more attention to what you see and feel rather than what you hear.

I agree... a person can honestly change and should not be judged for their past. I also agree, taking it slow will give you a chance to see if his recovery is going to last. How long has it been since he had a problem?

thanks everyone for the wonderful support. I think he has had this problem most of his teenage and young adult, but through his classes and getting older I think has helped him. He has actually made the comments about taking it slow and even told me that he still has many things he needs to do before we can be at a full romantic level that we are thinking we would both like to be at. He wants to get his own place and get his licesence back and all that starting over stuff. He is also very open to some of the things I have found helpful in my life, as attending church and not participating in the "bar theme" and so on.
I also think he has learned alot. and that was my point that life is aboutlearning, I have a past to, but my past doesn't hold me back it gave me lessons on how to be the person I am today.
my ex's live very close a few miles away and its hard because all they have to do is drive by, which he was haning out at the park with me, and played some bball, and one seen that way, so I am thinking as soon as i am done with college, 1 year left!! I am ready to move, its nice for visititions buttoo close for comfort.

Great plan and always remeber that you have the right to happiness.take care of yourself hun Love gail