Hi everybody!! Oh shoot, did I miss you!!

My laptop was gone for a week in the shop, I realized that this is pretty much the only socialization I get with other single parents.

I could have used you all last weekend....

My bf had his kids, 12, 12, 15 for the weekend. I invited them over to my place for the football game, he declined as the kids had homework.

Well as soon as the game was over, I thought I'd drop by his house, say "Hi." Only he wasn't there, but the kids were.

I called his cell phone, and you know that 4 second pause between pushing the button and saying hello, He was at a BAR.. OK. I can deal with that just fine.

But here comes the bad part. A drunk girl, claiming to be his secratary for the day, told me he couldn't come to the phone.

I asked who the h*ll she thought she was answering my bf's phone, when she's tanked up on booze, don't you disrespect me on the phone that I bought for him, or I'm gonna reach my hand through the phone... Then I told her she was "fired".

He called me 10 minutes later, like nothing was wrong.. I told him what happened, he laughed, that was his best-friend's new girlfriend.

I was so p.o'd, I couldn't even speak. So, first, he declines my invitation to watch the game using his kid's homework as an excuse, goes out with his buddies (That's fine, don't get me wrong, it's the scenario, here) leaves his phone on a bar while he goes to the bathroom, and thinks it's funny when some nit-wit drunk chick disrespects me in front of all his friends just for a laugh.

He said I was over-reacting, that's how his friends are. I said a man is judged by the company he keeps.

Now, I have a HUGE dislike for his friends. I told him that I hoped that wouldn't cause problems for us. I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity from his friends, I have always done the same to them.

We talked about this over the last week, I think it's worked out between him and I, but I do not care to socialize with his friends. I think my bf has a serious problem with showing sensitivity towards my feelings.

He also still has his personal ad on Yahoo. We've been going out for a year, I've asked him a few times about it, he blows it off.
"Oh, yea it's old..When I get a message I tell them that I have a girlfriend." That's not the point. It makes me feel like he's shopping around for something better. Then he says, "Don't you trust me?" OK, so right there he took my feelings and turned them straight around to be my problem. I only feel hurt because I don't trust him????? How does that work???!!!!

The worst part is, you can go to his profile, and see when the last time was he checked in. He goes there (Yahoo personals)everyday. Do you guys think he likes the ego boost he gets from other women, or is this a committment issue??

Is a personal ad a "deal-breaker"?? I know he's not cheating- I DO TRUST HIM!- It's a different issue then that. It makes me feel like he thinks he can do better then me. Makes me feel unappreciated, and cheap. I am worried that his callousness concerning my feelings will cause me unhappiness later if I do marry him..But deleting the profile won't fix this, I think it's bigger then that.

UGGH! I've had this inside for a week!!

HI! I think I can say I know how you feel. I met a girl on a phone chat line a while back, we hit it off and after the second date I new I liked her and removed my personal ad. She left her's on. We dated for about a year and she would check her ad once and while. That made me feel like she was waiting for something better. You don't date someone because you don't want to be alone,you date someone because you want to be with them. His best friend's girlfriend answered the phone. If she was there how come you weren't ? It didn't sound like he invited you along,after you invited him and the kids over.You mentioned the word marry now maybe this is still awhile away,but maybe you need to ask do I want to marry someone that keeps his personal ad running after dating each other for a year. Just a thought.

Wow, this personal ad thing is like Deja vu for me... My now-ex fiance and I were together for over 3 years and he never took his profile off of all the places he was registered. He was always on one or another. Now, I did have reason to distrust him, since he slept with his best female friend while I was pregnant with our daughter. So, why, he often asked me, did I not trust him?? Hmmm... lemme think. We split up last year (one year today, actually...) and it was the best thing I ever did for myself... His now girlfriend (of one year- who saw this ine coming?) he met-- you guessed it. Online. Think about it, girl. You deserve better than that.

I have no reason not to trust him. I trust him completely, with all my heart.

Let's see if I can explain this.. The ad rubs me the wrong way. He hasn't deleted it because he doesn't think it's a big deal. But it's a big deal to me. But it bothers me that he has only has to sign in, and click delete to make this situation go away.

Jesse's dad, so after putting a year of effort in to this, working through other problems, should this be a deal breaker? Do I put my foot down and say, take it down or it's over between us??

I here what your saying, and it's a tough call. What do you say ? Thing is if he feels the same way about you as you do about him,you shouldn't have to say anything. He should just do it on his own. Let him know one more time how much it bothers you. And see if he does the right thing. And that thing would be to think about you and your feelings. sign in and click sounds easy enough.

It just seems rude.

My mom ran across it, that's how I found out about it.

I agree it is very rude. And he knows how you feel agout it. I think he's not being 100% honest with you. But sometimes I think to much.

Your mom? Is she suspicious of him? Moms are pretty smart.
You're right to be upset. Not about the ad, but about the brush off. Ad schmad. But your feelings should count for more. The ad can be deleted.
And start listening to your mom.

Oh, no JD! My mom is a widow, she was man shopping online for single studs in the area. She thought it was funny.

No way! Go Gramma!

Sheesh.. She hangs out at the VFW and the Legion..

Ok, we can't get off topic here.. we know what happens

Leftover,
I think...too much really...but this is a no brainer. I think you are having trouble seeing it because you have those feelings there for him... BUT....

This is what I am hearing.
This guy has his own children for a weekend and goes to a bar?? Sounds like a real dedicated weekend dad.

This guy doesn't invite you to sit with him at a bar that he knew he was going to, and USES his kids as an excuse to be away from you so that he wouldn't have to tell you where he was going. ...because then you would want to go, and he doesn't want you there.

Some girl answers his phone...Why would she do that? I don't know anyone who would answer someone else's phone....unless...they are that comfortable with that person to be doing that. If it were my phone....and someone answered it...unless they were SUPER close to me, I would be furious.

Keeps his personal ad on the internet and checks it everyday....What??? If this doesn't make you upset....what does? He is looking everyday....why? Of course you are asking valid questions...which leads to the next thing I'm hearing.

He is downsizing your feelings. He is saying you are over-reacting to things in a relationship that is just starting out?? What is going to happen if you have a future with this guy? This is just a year into a relationship.

My opinion....He is using you. He is laughing behind your back and he is looking everyday to find someone better. So there you have it...You are right. The question is....What are you going to do about someone who is mistreating, disrespecting, taking you for granted and out there having fun, getting drunk with his best friends girlfriends??

Sorry to be sarcastic here but.... What a Winner!! Hold on to that one for sure!! I know you are smarter than this leftover. Come on!!

Did it help to read all this?? Get you mad? It should!! I hope so leftover...you deserve much better.

I agree, thinker, it's time to wake up and smell the coffee. I have my son 50/50 and often 60/40 or 70/30 and it's a cold day in hell before I get a sitter while he's on my watch. This guy doesn't sound like a winner at all. Just my two cents.

I agree with Thinker and Mafia.
If the personal ad is no big deal, why is he checking it daily?
People who care about you don't dismiss your feelings; they try to make you comfortable.
I can't believe he just left his cell phone and went to the bathroom. Okay, if he did, why did someone else answer it, and if they did, why wasn't he mad at them for the intrusion? If he cherished your relationship, why wasn't he mad at her for being rude to you?
I'd ditch him.

How many times on this site have we read the words "actions speak louder than words." Take the words away and read his actions. You already know the answer, you just aren't ready to accept it. It's hard for any of us to accept that.