Im new here! My name is Kassie. I am a single mom to baby girl named Olivia. I was hoping for advice on how to help get back out onto the dating scene. I kind of feel like a fish out of water. I have never had problems dating before, but this is the first time I have done so after having been engaged and as a single mom. I recently went on my first date as a single mom, I thought it went really well but he never called me so apparently not! Not a very encouraging outcome. Im wondering how do single parents do it? How do you meet people and find people who wont be scared off just because you have a child?

I have no advice for you. It will happen when it happens you will try it and say nope not really ready and then you will try and be like yep I am ready. And then if you are lucky like me, someone will find you when you least expect it and be the love of your life.

Dali

I think it is hard to find someone that is looking for long term if you have kids and if you dont. Dating is trial and error in my personal opinion. When you have kids it is more important of course to limit the amount of people you bring into their lives but without giving that person a chance to see if they can handle children and if you like how they handle your child you really dont know. I have dated men without children and it never worked out. While it was only me and him it seemed to work but then after introducing them to my daughter and watching them interact I knew it wasnt gonna fly. My personal preference is being with a man that already has a child. My boyfriend already has children and we were best friends before anything else. There were no expectations, no pressure and I trust him completely. When we introduced the kids it was pretty much a test to see how everyone interacted before we allowed our feelings to grow just in case there was a problem after involving the children. It worked out great and I couldnt be happier. I am not sure how old your daughter is or if there are any single parent groups in your area but that is all I can think of to suggest besides being friends first with no expectations whether they have children or they dont. I hope everything works out and welcome to sfv.

Hey Kassie and welcome to the site, great place to be.
I certainly can not tell you how to date especially with kids. I have not dated in 2 years and really have no plans of it. I guess like Dali said if it is meant to be it will. Just try to have fun and enjoy the moment with whom ever you are out with. Instead of dating make plans with some girlfriends and enjoy their company.
See any man I would be interested in would run for his life away from me as soon as he heard about my 9. Nope, don't think I will be in that seen for a while.
Good luck, God bless.

Glad to meet you.

I don't have any advice on dating. I am no where ready for that. After all that my kids and myself have been through, that part of my life is on the back burner.

Any man who "runs" after learning of ur children, are not worthy enough anyway. Let them run. There are men out there who will accept u and kids unconditionally.

I agree w/everything that has been posted. Its harder to date w/children. It can be done...just don't make the mistake I did in letting ur child become close to the guy right off. I made that mistake w/my son and will not make it again until I know this guy is really the one. Good luck b/c I'm just stepping back into the dating world after having daughter in dec. Get any good tips along the way u can feel free to pass them on to me. LOL

SPIRIT

Kassie,

In respone to how do you meet people, try online dating. Its really not such a bad thing. Just take it slow when you find someone who responds to your profile. I made it a rule to spend a couple weeks emailing, chatting online, and even a phone call eventually, before meeting the person. And when you choose to meet be sure to do so in a public place!

Im a 45 year old recently divorced woman with 4 kids ages 21-10, so I know its not easy with children. My children know I date, but its as if I lead 2 seperate lives. There's my life here as working, loving mother, and then theres my dating life. I think its important to live that way too until you find that special someone.

Will a man run from a woman with kids, well considering I have 4, I can attest to the fact that they do, but its okay, because WE can also run just the same. I had a great date with a guy last week, he was a father of 2, up until he said " the one thing I dont like about you Sue is you have too many kids. But then again they will never be apart of what we share" WELL............He called for a second date and I said NO THANKS !!

Im a package deal!! Even though the kids are out of the relationship, if the relationship grows into something special, I need to know that man will accept my kids!

So Kassie you hang in there, and try the online thing. There are a few that are not real expensive like Singleparentmeet.com or plentyoffish.com With limited time on your hands as a Mother, it will give you a chance to weed through the good and the bad right from home!!

ok...so I never actually "noticed" before that a guy will turn tail and run at the mention that you have children..... However, I did discover that it can work to your advantage if need be. So, I am at work last night and this guy is in the bar (he was there last weekend too) anyways..he was quite flirty and wanted to see my hand (checking for a ring) so then he asks if I mind telling him my age... I tell him that I am too old for him...being 33. He insists that I card him (check his id) and come to find out he is 31...and asked if he fitted in my "dating age range"....WELL, I had NO attraction to this guy + I do not want to date anyone that I have met in the bar (past experience tels me that is a BIG no no). So I look at him, smile and state that I have 3 children... I think that he almost shat his pants I went and cleared some tables, came back and guess what....the guy was GONE!!! he he

And a good way to get rid of an annoying customer, Mashell!

Well, I had some very minor dating experiences in the all these 11 years of being a single parent (left my ex when I was 7 months pregnant). In all this time, there was only one guy that I really was into and he was a nice guy, but there was some weirdness in the sexual arena that I didn't like. I kept my daughter completely out of the loop and never had her interact with anyone except the last one (going to museum and having pizza) and absolutely no one staying the night.

Well, now I have two guys after me, both younger (in their 30's and I am 46) and they both know all about my kid. I have a date with one on Monday for lunch. We have talked alot about what we want (he is 34 and divorced with a daughter that he has a couple of days a week and every weekend). SO I am a bit excited, but freaked out that he is so young. Everyone thinks I am in my 30's, but I am definitely not. My birthday is next month!

The logistics with kids are really different. The other guy is 38, doesn't have any kids, but has had girlfriends who were moms. However, his ex-girlfriends were not as concerned with keeping things separate until you are really sure they will be around of a while. Since we see each other sometimes at work, it is different because our house is by the office so he does know her already, but just as a co-worker.

Anyway, I am trying to have some fun and it is exciting, but I am also a bit scared because it has been such a long time since I felt this way at all.

I myself am a first time mother and my advice to you is some that I took to heart that Dr. Phill has given out many a time and it seems to be sound in my situation, and maybe the same will hold true for you.

First as one other person has stated, don't introduce the children to the guy right off the bat. A slow intergration process is needed to see if this is the person for you. After a few months of good feelings and really getting to know the person if you are comfortable then go for it!

Second really get to know the person you are trying to put into, not just your life, but your childs life. Ask the hard questions up front don't be shy or dissappointed. This is not like when you were single and it was just about you as much we love our children we must take every precaution. We as women like to think we really know the guy, but the truth is it takes time and we should make now excuses for the person we are dating.

Third if they don't call back that is great! We as human beings need all the "signs" to tell us when to stay and when to move on. Take the hint and know that you are in a better place!

Lastly enjoy the time you have if it is with your child excellent and if there is someone else to share that time with the two of you even better. But everything in it's time and place never force it let it all happen naturally!

Hope that helped a little and many blessings to you and your little one.

Ive decided maybe to give the online dating thing another chance, problem is thats how I met my ex- he ended up being one of those cliche people you hear about. But I dont want to let one bad apple ruin the whole barrel. Ive resolved myself to the fact that I may be single for a long time or a short time who knows! And that yes men are going to run- but thats their problem. They will be missing out on a couple of great girls. Good thing about being a single mom is the bad ones get weeded out really early on! Thanks for all the advice. You are guys are so awesome!!

lol, wish I had ran before I got married.

be nice now PaulMo...look at the 2 beautiful girls that you got out of it