Hi yal my name is paige..... i lost my daughter Lexi's father in a car accident before she was born.... after she was born i went out and met this guy and we are madly in love and he wants to adopt my daughter but we are not married yet and i will not see him for another 18 months cause he is in the army and in the war over in Iraq. I have some questions about him adopting her and i was hopin someone could help me and answer them for me....
HERE THEY ARE:
1. Does He need to be here to adopt her?
2. Do we need to b married before he adopts her?
3. Is this a hard and long process?
4.Do you think it would be the right thing for my daughter cause he is the only thing she knows?

please any one help me it would be greatly appreciated

thanks
Paige

Welcome to the Boards Im Robin and I hope you dont mind that I am moving this topic to the Adotion Forum for better exposer from those that maybe able to help answer these questions.

Peace and sorry for your lose
Robin

1. He does need to be present to adopt her.
2. most states have no problem with you not being married. My experience is that New Jersey is pretty lax.
3. This really depends on the judge. Some judges allow it with little work. Others require homestudies and extensive background checks.
4. think it is the best thing for your daughter. Plus she will qualify for special things with him being in the Army, such as medical and help with tuition. My niece was never adopted by the only man she knew as a dad. Now at age 18 she greatly resents him for not adopting her and states over and over that she just does not fit into the family. She resents her younger brother. Eventually, the child will find out they have not been adopted. Plus she can only use her legal name on the birth certificate in school, not his last name.

I am not sure of the exact process in New Jersey, but generally speaking,
he does need to be present and it may not be absolutely required but it would greatly help if you were married.
Courts make decisions based on the best interest in the stable life of a child. Marriage would greatly help with that.
As for the procedure, you need to check with the code for New Jersey. Most states have a children's code or other code provisions. You can go to your library or even better law library and ask for this.
In Louisiana it is fairly simple if there is no contesting other parent, it is a matter of filing the forms for a hearing with the clerk of court for about $200.