Hi!! I put a post up here awhile back after I found out that I was pregnant. I'm 39, divorced and the mother of a 10-year-old. Little bit overwhelming and you were all so great to build me up with positive feed-back. I also mentioned that I deal with clinical depression which has unfortunately come into play because of all of this so I haven't been really 'up' in the past few weeks to make rational decisions. My delimma today is feed-back on placing this baby up for adoption.

Pregnancy is just icky for me. I feel vulnerable, alone, scared and ashamed. When I try to look past it, I sometimes feel I can do this. My daughter is a beautiful, intelligent young lady who is the complete light of my life. And I can see loving and raising a beautiful, happy child just like her (of course, this is after the up all night, cholic, infant years which I am in complete denial of and hopefully God will send some angel to help me stay awake during that time). I mean, I can see me doing this because I have to and I will and God will bless me with this new baby.

But, we got out baby videos of my daughter this weekend and that sorta plummetted us both down. Her father was extremely hands-on, doting, attentive. He was enthralled with her growing up. We separated when she was in kindergarten and he spends less and less time with her and it's taking a toll. She hasn't spent time with him in about 3 weeks and it's getting to her plus, he started a relationship with a woman with 2 kids this past summer, so he's not been really 'hers' since then at all. So her heart breaks for a daddy she has but can't have.

I was EXTREMELY close to my father. He was one of the most precious people in my life and I treasure the memories I have of spending time with him growing up. If I keep this baby, I'm denying that child the chance for a daddy. I feel guilty or sad enough that my oldest can't have a relationship with her father and desperately wants one. Is it better to give up a baby for that chance?

I know I'm on a real roller coaster of emotions right now and every other day I have a different answer for myself. I just want what is best for my daughter. I can't really fathom telling her that we need to give up the baby as she is just wanting to be a 'big sister'. But what is best for her and this baby? Will it suffer not having a great daddy that adores it? I know there are no guarantees and even a couple that adopts knows what will happen with life or relationships.

A friend recently told me of a girl we went to high school with whose husband died when her baby was 3 months old. I'm an un-wed mother and I know that is SO different and you just don't give your kids away because you aren't the perfect family so I don't want to do that either. I'm praying for God's guidance because that will be the only right answer. I just wanted some opinions, I guess. Single moms are truly angels to raise healthy, happy children alone. So I KNOW there doesn't have to be a daddy. I just want what is best for both of these children. Thank-you for listening...

Well, I'm new and don't have any answers for you, but may I ask some questions? How does your daughter feel about giving up the baby for adoption? Do you feel in your heart of hearts that this baby would be better off in a two-parent home or are these thoughts a result of feeling overwhelmed? I can imagine how I would feel if I found myself pregnant right now (I'm 50 and my daughter is 8) so I can guarantee I would be overwhelmed. I would recommend that you have some counselling sessions to see if you can clear this up before the baby is due...that way whatever decision you make is a clear one and you and your 10 year old can have an opportunity to start accepting your decision now, whatever it is. If she's looking forward to a sibling and you make the decision to give this child up for adoption, get her some counselling too. You know, the Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area might have some great services to help you find some answers...

My daughter is looking forward to the baby because this will be her only sibling. But she is just 10 and has no concept of what's really involved and that it will be a sacrifice for us to raise this baby, especially financially. I work full-time and receive child support from her father but we still live paycheck to paycheck and struggle ourselves. I will go for child support from this father but have no idea what that will be until later this year, hopefully before the baby is born. My daughter's mental well-being is my number one priority and if it is healthier for me to keep the baby and we just accept it and go one and deal, that may be the way to go. I just want her to have a happy, healthy life...both children, if I keep this one. I think I am just so sad and disappointed in myself and just can't 'be happy' about this in any manner at all right now and that just affects everything. I don't 'think' the father will have anything to do with us but I hope not. But if so, that will solve the daddy problem...that can be their relationship. My daughter and I will have no part of it. So I guess that can be good either way. I'm just not sure at all about anything. Maybe with time...Thank you for your help. :]

quote:

Originally posted by journeys:
[qb] Well, I'm new and don't have any answers for you, but may I ask some questions? How does your daughter feel about giving up the baby for adoption? Do you feel in your heart of hearts that this baby would be better off in a two-parent home or are these thoughts a result of feeling overwhelmed? I can imagine how I would feel if I found myself pregnant right now (I'm 50 and my daughter is 8) so I can guarantee I would be overwhelmed. I would recommend that you have some counselling sessions to see if you can clear this up before the baby is due...that way whatever decision you make is a clear one and you and your 10 year old can have an opportunity to start accepting your decision now, whatever it is. If she's looking forward to a sibling and you make the decision to give this child up for adoption, get her some counselling too. You know, the Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area might have some great services to help you find some answers... [/qb]

Connersmom,
I really think the counseling would do you a world of good right now. There are many places you can recieve it. Adoption is a very very admirable thing to do and deserves all the credit in the world. You just need to be sure in your decision.
How does Dad feel about it? You do realize you need his concent to place the baby? If you do not have his concent you can not place the baby. You could allow him to raise the baby and revolk your rights. Just throwing another option in there for you.
Lots of prayers for you.

The father wants nothing to do with us. His only comment to me was for me to put it up for adoption and he would give up rights and pay no child support. Just that short and sweet. If I keep the baby, I will have to go after child support from him because I can't make it otherwise. So, even though he'll be mad as all get out if I keep it, he has no relevance in my life. From what I know now, he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I would be doing this all alone...except for his financial support. We had broken up but were still 'cordial' until I told him I was pregnant. Then the only time he would talk to me was when he needed to borrow some cash and would do that on the pretense that we 'would talk'. It's come down to e-mail now. So, to answer your question, the decision is mine alone. I'm just praying daily/hourly for God to send me 'BIG' signs on what to do because I have no clue otherwise. Thank-you for your prayers and support, though. I'm very scared.

quote:

Originally posted by tomany2count:
[qb] Connersmom,
I really think the counseling would do you a world of good right now. There are many places you can recieve it. Adoption is a very very admirable thing to do and deserves all the credit in the world. You just need to be sure in your decision.
How does Dad feel about it? You do realize you need his concent to place the baby? If you do not have his concent you can not place the baby. You could allow him to raise the baby and revolk your rights. Just throwing another option in there for you.
Lots of prayers for you. [/qb]

hi ladies i just had to check out this room and see what it was all about. i was adopted when i was five years old and it was the biggest gift i have ever been lucky enough to recieve. but i do agree that a counsler is a good idea at this point just to get a feel for what you really want. this is a very big decision and it is very important that you look at all the aspects of adoption and the pros and cons because once it is done its done and there is nothing that you can do about it. i with you luck and i hope that everything works out the best way that it can.