Hi everyone. I just wanted to give you my personal experience on adoption if you, in fact, are considering it.

My mom got pregnant at age 18 by her high school boyfriend who left the scene. She had no help so she chose to give up her (son).

She got married (to my dad) and had 3 girls (I'm the youngest). As I was growing up I'd hear my mom cry and cry from the depths of her heart every July 16th. I cannot even begin to describe the emotion. She eventually told me I had a 1/2 brother somewhere in the world (her song, "Somewhere out there") and that's what all the tears were about. Each passing year on my brother's birthday she'd lock herself in her bedroom, and sob.

-Giving up a baby is a very self-less thing to do! There is pain involved.

If she would have kept her son and my dad became his dad...nightmare! My dad was abusive, so there was a terrific chance that he (my 1/2 brother) had been given a better dad than mine.

My mom placed her information in a national data base for mothers looking for their children so if her son ever decided to look for her, then the information about his birth would be there. Sure enough, he found her when he was 35 years old (almost 9 years ago!).

You see adpotion stories on TV. Most of which are blissful. Well, my brother is a wonderful man. Very successful and very nice. But I realized, in our personal story, that there is no way to make up for lost time. He is involved in all of our lives, but there is definitely distance between us. It's more of a cordial relationship. There are always better and worse adoption reunions! And remember that there is a chance you may never even find your child.

Todays adoption laws have changed. They offer open or closed adoptions now. Open meaning that the biological parent is allowed to make some form of contact with the family that is raising her child. Obviously, this can have pros and cons.

I got pregnant at the age of 19 by my high school boyfriend. Adoption never entered my mind because of all the pain I saw my mom go through (and this was before my brother found her). So I chose to keep my baby. I ended up pregnant again at age 23 (unwed) and, again, chose to keep my baby. There are no guarantees when you will find someone to get married to, so until that time happens, life can be challenging--financially and emotionally. Plus, there is no guarantee that when we do find a mate that it won't end up in divorce!

I have done it though, for 15 years now. Still unwed! And there are pros and cons to that as well. I've seen financial hardship, been in situations where I was facing low-income/emergency housing...I've cried many times because I so needed someone to support me emotionally or someone to give me advice on raising them...or I've had tears because I thought I was an awful mom and would yell at God, "why did you want me to be a mother!"

Then, there's the issue of the "absent" fathers. You don't know-going in-if they will be supportive, or even involved in your child's life. My boys have different dads (so after my 2nd son was born I had my tubes tied because there was no way I was ever going to have 3 kids with 3 dads). My older son's dad is involved, but acts more like a big brother than a father figure. And my younger son's dad took off. The burden is always on the mother!

Looking back:

Would I have done things differently? It's given me a realistic view on life. And now that I'm a mom I tell my son that if he's gonna engage in *** (because he's 15), then to always wear a condom and never be around a girl if you've been drinking (because as we all know, we could end up doing "it").

Also, the thought of abortion did enter my mind during my 2nd pregnancy but because I grew up with religion I didn't believe in it. And even without "religion" involved, it seems like an easy way out (and I realize some girls get brutally raped and choose abortion because of that, but that is a different topic). I am so glad I kept my boys. It is difficult. It can be unfair (my youngest son so much desires a dad). And there can be emotional residues (abandonment issues for instance). And, of course, the mom is the one who picks up the pieces.

Oh! Then there's the grandparent issue! My dad has helped me financially, but his attitude is that "I've dug my own bed, now lie in it". My mom has been emotionally supportive, but neither of them are really involved in my boys lives. I used to get jealous at other single moms whose parents would baby-sit the kids or were active in their life (taking them fishing, etc...). I cannot fault either of my parents though; it's just the way it is.

But the thing that has gotten me through is LOVE and honesty. I always tell my boys we are a team...I acknowledge our hardships...I validate their feelings...I tell them I do the best I can...

All of us have something to experience in life in order to learn from. To this day, my heart automatically feels scared each time I hear that a teenage/ or unwed girl got pregnant because I know what's facing them. And single parenting is different than the single parent who becomes a single parent because of a divorce or the death of a spouse.

I truly believe (for my situation) that my pregnancies were blessings, regardless of what we've endured. But I really wouldn't wish it on anyone and it's not something I would have chosen for myself. It has made me a better person...and a more aware person.

I feel for any decision you have to make whether it be abortion, adoption, or keeping your child. But like with anything most things in life, there are always pros and cons. I hope I have helped you by sharing my experience.

Hi Sirk and welcome to the forum. Wow what a story and I am sure a lot of people will get a lot out of it.
Sounds like you have 2 very fine young men there with you.
Hope to see you around.
God bless.

Wow...what a level-headed, objective look at the issues of teenage pregnancy and single parenting...and what a well told story of your life. Your post has impressed me very much...

I can certainly relate to your story. My son was born when I was 19 and my parents also took the approach of me lying in the bed I made. As a result, I also faced the low-incoming housing and different forms of family aid. Going through those experiences certainly did teach me something, however, and I'm not sure that I would be better off now if my parents had helped me then. It makes me wonder what I would do if my son ever became a teenage parent (although I intend for him to never be in that situation).

Welcome to the Site.

Bobby

Wow! That was a great story. It helped me feel better about myself and my situtation. I was adopted by my mother and father. You're right any marriage could end in divorce. My rents did. I also know who my birth mom is and like your brother I have a friendship w/her but we are not close. Which is all I really wanted. Someday I may seek out my birth father but I don't have any strong desire to do it right now.

I too had a baby right out of H.S. and chose to raise it. Abortion was not and easy out for me and adoption is great but not for me either. That left the choice of keeping my son and raising him. I don't regert doing so. Once again I have found myself pregante at 28yrs w/another man's baby and have choose to keep and raise it. He choose not to. That's ok b/c I know i'll love this one just as much as my son. Like you I refuse to have a thrid child w/a different father and going to get the tubes tied shortly after.

It's just nice to know that there is someone else that has gone thru the heartache of a similiar sit.

You seem like a woman and mom.

SPIRIT

Hi again! It's nice to be here at this forum. I choose this particular site because of everyone's honesty and helpful replies. For whatever reason, I never looked online for any type of support and even though my boys are older I am really glad I found all of you!

Welcome! And thank you for sharing your story in such a wonderful from-the-heart and honest way.

Hello I am a single parent who is looking to adopt I love my children with all of my heart and I have more love than you can amagine I am getting married in december and my fiance' and I decided to adopt it is hard to actually afford it but I know that god will bless us I have an adopted brother who is now 12 and I love him with all of my heart I also know the pain behind giving up a child my mother got pregnant at 14 with my brother and gave him up for adoption but as I live each day I understand the reason it was not because she didn't love him but because she could not provide for him I was able to get to know my brother before he died and I he had a wonderful life that he thanked my mother for everyday of his life. I want to be able to give a child a loving caring home I just really thank you all for listening I just needed to talk to someone because I am haveing a very hard time adopting because of the cost but please keep me in you prayers.

Hi ,and welcome!
thank you for sharing your experience. it was really touching! and you are so very right about everything having pros and cons. I too have decied to adopt at some point..but it makes it difficult because I have grand mal seizures (which is so far undercontrol for 3 months)


again THank you