Hello All,

Here is my story. For the past six years I have been pushing the envelope -- making motions to reach a conclusion -- a separation agreement.

I am a single working mom with three sons. I am blessed to have a job that has enabled me to carry on living in the matirimonial home with my boys, ages 14,12,10. But, after six years of paying legal fees to try and try and try to bring this to a conclusion, I have not been able to reach a separation agreement. I just want to start my life on a clean page.

To me it is very clear that the children are not his priority. He has not seen them in four years. He is not paying the child support that the court had identified. A mere pittance of $260 / month for all three boys. He has essentially been in hiding for the last four years. He even complains that the government garnishes what ever they can - his income tax return, unemployment ... So, yes he has apparently been working but all that info is hidden, as is he.

It is likely that he thought that he would be able to walk out from this divorce (that he petitioned) with 50% of the value of the house. He has ignored that debts and liablilites that are against the matrimonial home. Yes, anyone would like that kind of a deal, but that is not reality debts and libilities that are against the house are clearly joint responsibilities.

I have been paying the monthly mortgage / line of credit payments for the past six years. I just hope and pray that after two failed attempts to meet with a mediator / arbitrator this will all come to an end.

How can he be so cruel, vindictive....> I believe that his game of playing the unemployed parent, while perhaps gaining money under the table for computer tech/ web type jobs came to an end. He thought that playing the dead beat dad would make us suffer. I truly believe that what he set in motion has come back at him.

As indicated earlier, once again a mediator and arbitrator has been agreed too. Please join me in hoping and praying that this process will enable a fair, equitable distribution of funds.

History has shown that he does not want to support his boys. Given that I have managed to maintain the matrimonial home solely, I hope / believe that the proceeds should be towards the children's lump sum payment. The expenses when they were little were small. As they grow and are involved in more sport activities, add to that the cost of teen clothes, and their general needs -- I will need that lump sum to provide for them over the next several years.

YOur feedback and support is most welcome.

I know you can apply for 'special expenses' for extracurricular activities, on top of the basic child support payments. Being that you're still going through the process, I would request this. As you've said, you have 3 growing boys who deserve these opportunities to learn and grow with. Your ex can bite his own tongue.

Unfortunately, this scenario is all too well familiar with many of us here. I've been on my own for 5 years and I'm still waiting for Family Maintenance Enforcement to track him down. It's pathetic really. I know he works for the oil industry so he's making some nice coin. Why is it so difficult to track him down?

Sorry you're going through this. You're a strong woman and if anything, that itself is the one reason why your ex has such vengeance against you. You're successful and he's not .. bottom line. He wants you to struggle because he is.

Hugs to you and your boys.

Thanks for your response and support. (I'll bring those special expenses to the table at med/arb too.

I hope that recent court ruling re: child support retroactivity works to benefits your son also.

I hope you can track down your former spouse, I have used the internet to do the same -- he was involved with his highschool reunion -- atleast that confirmed that he was still local, but hidden.

P.S. I had a longer response prepared, but lost it -- new user fumbles.

Hi there mom....
I truly understand what you're going through and if there's anything I can do to help, please feel free to ask. I'm in Ontario as well...only about an hour from you and have just finally gotten my child support on track after 5 years. I've been through the court system and now am finally receiving payments through FRO. Included in the order are special expenses such as lessons, babysitting, dental care...insurance policy stuff as well as an arrears payment order(he's $9000 behind right now). Hopefully it gets better for you and please feel free to ask and if I can help..believe me...I will!

Hello Momma Bear

My former spouse's lawyer indicates that his client is now on welfare.

YOu can't get blood from a stone. So I hope that at med/arb the arbitrator will see that a lump sum payment for child support is required for the benefit of my three sons.

The strange thing is that I have paid the mortagage, joint line of credit, property tax that has enabled this house to gain value in the last six years.

I hope and pray for a fair equitable decision that will enable me and my boys to resume I life without all the difficulties that the ex puts in the way.

Thanks for your support and advice, I will bring up all the special expenses and insurance to my lawyer.

quote:

Originally posted by Momma Bear:
[qb] Hi there mom....
I truly understand what you're going through and if there's anything I can do to help, please feel free to ask. I'm in Ontario as well...only about an hour from you and have just finally gotten my child support on track after 5 years. I've been through the court system and now am finally receiving payments through FRO. Included in the order are special expenses such as lessons, babysitting, dental care...insurance policy stuff as well as an arrears payment order(he's $9000 behind right now). Hopefully it gets better for you and please feel free to ask and if I can help..believe me...I will! [/qb]