You know when I was a kid growing up, I never understood what my mom meant about feeling lonely. I thought how silly I am there, now that I am older and have kids of my own, I have discovered that feeling. Sad but true. I was sitting here tonight and just felt all alone. On the way home from work I see his car sitting at the pub and think how nice that you get to go out with your friends after work just like nothing. I would adore doing that some days. Right now I think I am just feeling sorry for myself right now and I kind of need it I think. Sometimes I get so frusterated over everything.

I often feel the same way. I think I'm more jealous of others than lonely usually. I see my friends going out or the neighbors driving by to go out. I know my ex can go out whenever he likes, even when he has the girls because Mom is there to babysit. It does get to me although I try not to let it.

I do get lonely too. Like Learning said, I was lonelier when I was married. It was definitely a worse feeling when there was actually another living adult in the house and I felt totally alone. I don't as much anymore because I know who I am again, so I have me at least... something I didn't have for many of the years I was married!

I know someday down the road other words of my parents will resonate. They got lonely later on in life, when we all left and had our own lives. They were anticipating being happy about being able to do what they wanted when they wanted and not worrying about getting dinner, etc. But when it hit they found themselves more wandering to restaurants just purely out of boredom and lonliness. EmptyNesters. We will be there someday ourselves whether we are "with" somebody or not.

I'm trying to be positive... I hate that feeling of being so totally and completely alone even with my 3 little ladies here with me.

quote:

Originally posted by SueP:
[qb] I know who I am again, so I have me at least... [/qb]

I just had to say I really liked that

I know this is all true but sadly it still gets to me. Someone presented to me something the other day and I said I couldn't go because I didn't have someone to watch the boys which is no big deal anyways, they then turn around and ask well when do they go with there Dad and the answer is never. I didn't know what to say, I should have said the truth but I didn't. We saw him today and all I did was ask how his night was and he flew off the handle about why I was being so snoopy and asking so many questions. I didn't realize that asking how the night was, was a bad thing. I then very nicely asked if he had plans for next Friday night because it is my friends going away party, it was cancelled from last night and all of a sudden he does. So I will find a sitter. It just bothers me to know that I would follow my kids to the end of the world to see them and he won't do it if I am not there or he can't stalk me(not the proper word to use).

Dreamer,

I know how you feel about being alone. The carzy part is that I was very alone when I was w/my baby's father. He was out to the bars, hanging w/his friends and what have you. I was at home w/my son and his doing nothing but tied down so I could not go do what I wanted or spend time w/him. He left this June and I was not as lonely. I only had my son and my unborn baby to worry about. I am able to visit friends...laugh...etc.

I do get lonly at times when he is out w/his friends at the bar or had a new GF. I'm stuck at home not able to just have a few drinks and relax at the bar stool L. I'm 5months pregnate and I'm not able to go out and drink not many guys want to date a preggers lady. So it's just me and my two kids.

Like Suep said at least I have found myself so I'm not so lonely all the time.

SPIRIT

I know that feeling of him going out. When I was married we went out but things were different when we did. He could look and gawk and do whatever and if as much as danced differently he would have a few to many and then the fight was on. He says he will take the boys for the night but it is always at my house so I turn around and say no because I dont want to come back to my own home and get the third degree. I think though I have found a sitter for the night. I am hoping I am just so nervous. The only bar we go to in town here is the one everyone my age goes to. The other bar I am over the age of 12 so I am to old it seems to go there. I just don't like being followed and I can't really say get out of the bar it is a free world. Sometimes the lonely times go away and other times it hits me like a brick. And by the way I have always believed that pregnant women are more beautiful than any other time in there lives because they just shine.

quote:

Originally posted by TheDreamer:
[qb] And by the way I have always believed that pregnant women are more beautiful than any other time in there lives because they just shine. [/qb]

I agree with this statement. When I was pregnant, things took a turn for the worse with my (now) ex. It was horrible. BUT, being pregnant itself had such a beautiful feeling. I was one of those mothers-to-be that radiated this shine. I loved going to work because (I was away from my negative bf) people would come up to me so excitedly about my pregnancy .. customers (I was a florist) co-workers, friends. It was one of the best moments of my life. I loved it when people noticed different things like how I grew; when the baby dropped; offer a hand when they noticed I was feeling tired; discuss baby names and whether or not it was a boy or girl..

I wish I could explain this new view of life that has washed over me the past few weeks. If I can explain it clearly, it may help you.

I used to get upset and frustrated about not getting out much if ever. My friends and sisters would get babysitters and go out for a good time and I'd not be able to make arrangements and would wonder 'when am I ever going to get 'me' time.'

In the past few weeks, I've learned to look at it in a different light. I still believe in each person having their alone time and fun relaxing time. But, I'm not nearly as frustrated, sad, lonely, or feeling left out since I've changed my view.

I've always been happy to be a single mom. But - if you look at it this way:
We made a decision and committment to have our wonderful little ones. I am so blessed to have my two healthy, happy, enlightening children. I haven't been out with friends in months. But I have no desire to go out. I love being with my little ones and enjoy every second with them. There will come a day that I have time for me - but right now, my time is all about them and I am happy with that.

I should mention, I have a network of friends (with children,) family, and neighbors that I can talk to and get the adult companionship time that was lacking at one point. Do you have that? That helps to keep the balance.

quote:

I've always been happy to be a single mom. But - if you look at it this way:
We made a decision and committment to have our wonderful little ones. I am so blessed to have my two healthy, happy, enlightening children. I haven't been out with friends in months. But I have no desire to go out. I love being with my little ones and enjoy every second with them. There will come a day that I have time for me - but right now, my time is all about them and I am happy with that.

I should mention, I have a network of friends (with children,) family, and neighbors that I can talk to and get the adult companionship time that was lacking at one point. Do you have that? That helps to keep the balance.

Excellent !!! That is exactly where I am heading, and I'm almost there. I have a few set backs here and there... when I look at the UPS guy and think things I shouldn't --- but MOST of the time... now 99 % of the time... I'm good just the way I am --- and enjoy spending every free minute I can with my boys. They actually love me unconditionally, and we have a great time together.

I have a best friend with kids, and so we do things together with our kids - and I agree... that REALLY helps.

I agree Melissa Jo --- those were words of wisdom for sure!

I didn't say we can't have happy thoughts Inni!! Daydreaming and future hopes are always allowed!

yepperooonies

Melissa Jo -

You are so right. I do get lonely at times but I really don't mind being a mom or single mom. I love the times when my 8yr and I lay in his bed and read bedtime stories or we pig out on pizza and ice cream and whatever junk food we can find for a friday dinner L. Like last night he just hugged me while I was doing dishes and said I love you mom. It's something that we enjoy that one else can even touch (amazingly not even my mom)! I have to say I love being a single mommy 90% of the time.

INNI -

You're right frist and foremost my best friend is my son and soon the baby will be my other best friend. Our kids fit that title as best friend. Someone who loves you no matter what, someone who laughs at all your dumb things, someone whom you can spend time w/and have that comfy zone, someone who you can dream with ETC..... Yup my son would be my best friend. Boy can't tell that my son and are very close.L

SIGH...I'll be losing my best friend and my frist born in only a few years to his teen friends and a car. I know mom can never be completely replaced when the bumps/bursies and heartbreak occur.

SPIRIT

I think we all have our moments of being lonely. Sometimes when we are out I look around and see families doing things together and wish I had that. My marrage was no better, she really did family things with us anyways, so I learned that me and the girls are the family and when we do things together it is family. I do get to go out on my own about once a month and its nice to have that break, but I dont mind the fact that they are always with me. I miss them when they arent.

PS have to agree with thedreamer. I think a woman is at her most beauty when pregnant too.

Damn I must be a raving beauty!! LOL. I get more compliments on my looks then I did when I was just me not carrying around a watermelonLOL.

SPIRIT

quote:

Originally posted by Trasaris:
[qb] I think we all have our moments of being lonely. Sometimes when we are out I look around and see families doing things together and wish I had that. My marrage was no better, she really did family things with us anyways, so I learned that me and the girls are the family and when we do things together it is family. I do get to go out on my own about once a month and its nice to have that break, but I dont mind the fact that they are always with me. I miss them when they arent.PS have to agree with thedreamer. I think a woman is at her most beauty when pregnant too. [/qb]

I know the feeling of seeing happy families in the mall, and wishing that for me & my sons. I've also seen couples fighting, while dragging along a kid or two (looking miserable), and I think - well... if you can't have it the right way, better not to have it at all.

I agree tho, when I go out with my boys - we ARE a family!!

Now.. on all women being beautiful when they are pregnant. I was not. No doubt about that one. I blew up like a house... I waddled like a duck... I was not comfortable for most of my pregnancy for one reason or another... I had more complications with my second child, than I did with my first... and let me just say .. I did not do pregnancy well.

The nice part is, the minute you hold your baby in your arms - you forget all the discomfort of being pregnant (if you experienced any)... and all you can think about is the bundle of love and joy in your arms.

Nice to hear that guys think women are beautiful when they are pregnant. I think many are.