Heelo everyone.

I'm a twentyone yr old blk female, living in Ontario. I have a son who is almost five months.I have almost done everything by myself, I am now having some problems with trusting the few friends that are here.
I'm wondering if anybody else went through this, it's so hard to even put into words how I feel about it all. I am in school part-time, and thinking about going full-time soon... Only thing is I don't know if i'm ready to put my child in daycare, or if he is...
The friends I do have seems to feel as though because they have done so much to help me that they have to control my life, and everything I do is their business. It's so frustrating because sometimes I feel as though really do care but other times I think they just take advantage of me because I am trying to do the right things, and wonder what their true motivations are. They feel the need to know all my other friends and speak with them behind my back about everything in my life....
The situation with his father is civil, it's long distance and he has not been here... He actually just came to visit for the first time a couple of weeks ago... The emotions with that is a complete rollercoaster. Some days I feel as though I can deal with him and other days I hate him for what i'm going through. I don't know who to trust and nobody will just let me have my space. I take very good care of my child, for pete's sake they get mad at me because he's spoiled (or so they say). Is it possible to spoil an infant, if you hold him too much at this stage is it wrong?... He crys and they all jump on me to leave him and let him cry it out, and because I don't they say he's spoiled... Every little thing I do is wrong and i'm always being questioned. Thank god I do have some help but I have never once asked for anything and I am fine on my own... I feel as though they use this help against me to push me to do as they want, they even spoke to my other friends behind my back when I went to visit them and said they would call childrens aid.. they don't even know them, they never said anything to me about their concerns... grrrr just to much with everthing...

Being young, going to school, and having a baby is so hard... a group of kids driving by yelled out their car window " do you know who the daddy is". what the heck, is it because i'm black, do they feel as though I should be on Maury? lol... I don't know this seems like a good place to talk to like-minded ppl

Hey there.

Welcome to SFV.
Not being exactly in your sistuation, I really cant comment on it...but I cant tell you there are tons of ladies on this site that can! So be patient.

On the comment you stated last...well, I'm not black and i'm not a woman, and my children are older.

But, I can tell you this:
Singles Dad's like me....usually get one of 2 reactions when we're out with our (teen or tween)kids.
A. Whoa, he must have been screwing around, ...the scumbag...that's why he's a single father. See? this is probably his weekend with his kid. All men suck!

or B.
Is he gay? I wonder if he's gay? I'll bet he and his "partner" are raising this kid. They make me sick.

Oh belive me...it happens..especially when I'm taking my daughters shopping for clothes.

LOL...but you know? Who Cares?!! I dont...it's their problem. A-holes will always be a-holes. Dont' let it get to you.

I bet they would think twice and feel bad if the found out your Baby's Daddy was Solder KIA or just on a "tour of duty" for that matter.

Why should it matter? It doesnt...except to those fools. Don't worry about it.

And again, Welcome to SFV ...or should I say "The Nuthouse"

You are right, an infant needs extra cuddling! Infants don't realize they are being spoiled, but only recognize they are loved!!! Your friends are probably trying to help you, but they do need to hear it from you how their actions/words are making you feel. If they are true friends, then you won't lose them when you confide in them! If you need a break from them, take it!
Like you, I have very few resources near me, so no matter what, keep those who care very close to you. I have a hard time asking people for help, but "it takes a village to raise a child". I've had some really hard times with aksing for help. Also, like you, the baby's daddy has not been very involved since I got pregnant, although the communication between he and I is very civil. I let him decide for himself how much he chooses to be involved with his son, because I can't take on his responsibility also(too much else to deal with).
Everyone will always have an opinion about how to raise a child, advice to give, etc. Just remember that you are the filter, throw out the advice that you don't agree with (or cruel words that ignorant people say) and you don't have to tell the person that you threw it out. You are a strong woman for all you are taking on,just continue to do the best for you and your baby!

OH, and I forgot to mention that I have seen my child benefit a lot from being in daycare. I really searched and am happy with the one I decided on. It was very hard for me to let go, as it always will be. But he is learning socialization skills, he knows his ABC's and can count to 20, mostly potty-trained (which daycare helped with) and he's going to turn 3 in a couple months. I have learned that it is very important for children to have their own social life. My son started daycare when he was 4 months old. FYI--I hope it helps.

Hey guys,

Thank you so much for you info and support. I feel much better after reading your replies. I am taking some time out from everyone and just doing my own thing..

paulj_in_phx:

my sons father actually is a soldier..lol funny you would mention that. I do try and roll ignorant ppl's looks and comments headed in my direction off my back, but I have to admit; it does get to me.
When I see a man with his children I think it's great, actually more men should do it. I know a lot of ppl probably think what you mentioned but not me. More men shoud be with their children, more often.
Just goes to show you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, you never know the whole story.

Ro: Thank you so much for your insight. I am currently looking for a good daycare, I just wasn't sure if he was too young. I also don't want him to break that bond with me (silly and selfish thought, I know).

I also wanted to ask you when you started introducing new foods to your son. My doctor said I could introduce rice cereal but he really just wants to eat everything..lol He's doing really well with it.. oh and what about teething? He has already started, and I need something easy for him to bite on other than a teething ring because he wont hold that for long.

p.s. You guys do seem a bit far from Canada...lol how come you post in here?

LOL...we guys go where the actions is...."that's how we roll"....LOL

Hi there and welcome...
I'm from Ontario as well....you've found a great group here....enjoy!

Welcome!! And hang in there, I am here to chat with if you need someone