When we first started speaking to our kids about divorce, we had initially consultated my son's school councellor. I think she is fabulous and really helped my son through a lot of huge issues (in 3 months his parents separated, both moved back to Canada to different homes, and his dad almost died). He has managed to make it through pretty well. However the message the councellor had us give him (and his sister) was that we're still a family, just a different kind of family. Our goal was to be able to have occasional dinners and "family meetings" together, attend events together and hang out together once in a while. Since their dad and I don't fight and actually get along pretty well this seemed quite reasonable.

Now, we're going to a mediator to work out some final separation issues, and the mediator said no more "family" interactions because it can confuse the kids. Any thoughts on this? The kids are 5 and 7.

Thanks

Chrystal

I think that is a crock. Right now my situation is a little screwed but the kids aren't getting the divorce the parents are. You will always be a family and that's what matters, as long as the kids understand that you can still do stuff together but you are no together. The family doesn't divorce just the grown ups.

Ask yourself where your comfort level is. And that of your children's.

Have you considered that in the future there maybe step-parents involved? Step siblings maybe even? Is it the "holding hands mom and dad" like meeting which is common or "the dad and mom at McDonald's night in separate vehicles" kind of meeting. You may have to make things black and white for the children by eliminating the greys.

Just adding to the thoughts.

I understand your postion jaysdad I have been living it. It has been harder on me now that I think about it then the kids. They seem to be taking the step family thing in stride, thats just because I have raised 2 fantastic boys. I still believe that it is alright to do family things together when you can, but to also now find your own things that are just yours to do with them. It is hard to adjust but it comes in time.