Good morning.

I am new to this forum as of this morning, and I was hoping there were others that could give me some advice, or perhaps reassurance.

I have been seperated for over a year, the divorce papers will be finalized in court in the next couple of months, but in truth I have been emotionally apart from my ex for many years. The marriage crumbled, and he is with another to be married this summer. Many people judge, saying he left me for another woman, but in truth, I left him years before that, although we lived under the same roof.

I hold no bitterness towards him, and only wish the two of us to each get on with our lives. The bitterness comes from my family and at times I feel like they are divorcing him and not me. I have one son, who is 7, and he spends time with his dad regularly.

And now, after having moved back to my home town, found my own place, and a job (back after being a stay at home mom for 6 years) I feel like I have settled and am taking the steps to move on with my life. The only stress I feel, is from my family, constantly being bitter and vengeful towards my ex. And there a few behavioural problems with my son, although many of them I believe are to common for kids of divorce, and 7 year old boys in general. My son has come along way, and in the past 6 months is settling into a routine and a comfort with our new life. I have him seeing a counselor through the school on a regular basis, a little safe place for him to go.

My question is, that I have started to date a little. Not when my son is home, nor taking time away from him, but on the weekends he is with his dad, or evenings after he is in bed. My family is livid. They believe I am doing the wrong thing, and that my life is to be on hold. There is no room for male company, or even the concept of a date. That me longing for this, is selfish, and putting my own needs above those of my son. Never having been a single parent, I don't believe they understand the situtation, and seems to be very judgemental, of a situation they have never been in. They have no idea of the loneliness or the need to have something outside of just being someone's mom.

Are there others out there who have gone through this? When was the time right for you? How did you bring the idea of you dating into your children's lives? Did it upset them? Is it selfish? And did you feel guilty?

Any ideas or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, and it's nice to meet you all.

kel

Kel,
"My mamma always said" "what you permit, you promote." Please don't let your parents discourage you from dating. Tough times don't last but tough people do. Your are an adult and have a mind of your own. My kids and I have been on our own since 88' and I have dated many men over the years, some that were serious about me and vv. someday maybe it will be mutual and the big "M" question will pop up, until then, the more that we get out of being single, the more we have to give to a new relationship. Be happy and content being single, there are many support groups and fun social groups that make being single a great way of life. We all miss the affection and attention, just remember that God loves you more than any earthly person can. Put Him first and he will bless you with contentment either way; single or not.........Amanda

kel,

I am also new to this forum. With any luck my divorce will also be final in a few weeks. I have an almost 12 year old daughter
and it has been hard to mix what I needed with what she and my family think I need.
My choice was to start with renewing friendships with other women that I had let
go by th wayside during my 5 year relationship and marriage. This took care of having people to talk with as well as people to go places with. After a while my family and my daughter realized I was trying to find myself again and that in order to be happy and well for my child I had to take care of me too. My mother still has a few issues on how often is okay but has finally realized that my daughter is only with me so long and has her life apart from me too. It is hard to get this point across sometimes but I learned I can't let other people make
my decisions for me. My daughter and I have
a better relationship now because I dont't
have only her to depend on for company she even encourages me to date and tells me her opinion of those she has met or talked to on the phone. My support group of other women who are also single moms helps alot too. Most I met through my daughters friends and through work. I don't know if this helps any but know you aren't alone in this situation and it will get better. It has been about 9 months since I got seperated.
Good luck and stay with what you feel is best for you and your son. You will find your needs change and also you should be comfortable alone too before you bring someone else in. I realized that I want to be with someone because I want to not because
I need to.