Venting again ..

A while ago I mentioned how I put my son on the Feingold Diet to help elliminate some of his negative behaviours that both his daycare and I had noticed. I helped them create plan after plan after plan, being that I was getting a lot of complaints but none of which were very successful. Sure enough, once I put him on this diet it helped tremendously. It turns out he's sensitive to a lot of foods and I'm still in the process of trying to expand his diet so he meets the daily nutritional requirements.

Since I've put him on this diet I've received little to no support from anyone, despite all its benefits its had on him. The daycare staff in particular have noticed his behaviours improving yet they persist in giving me a hard time over it. I've even had a staff rudely suggest me to put him on vitamins and was shocked to of learned that I had already. I'm no dummy!

I constantly hear: "He can't eat a lot; There's so many foods he can't have; Isn't there anything different you can give him?"

Really, I've had enough of their opinions. Then I thought, ok .. maybe I should blame myself for not educating them about this diet.

I made an appointment with the supervisor so I could explain to her what this diet was all about; give her supporting documents; inform her that this diet was approved by a dietician and nutritionist; and to explain that this was a new time-consuming process that I was still in the mist of figuring out. Also, to mention that I felt like I wasn't getting the support that I needed from the daycare.

In my mind, this meeting would of come off great. Was it? No. First off, I couldn't get her undivided attention because she was constantly interupted by children. She was suppose to set a time where she'd be able to get another staff relieve her. Well, there wasn't one. We spoke on open-floor. Secondly, she kept interupting me.

When I mentioned about his vitamins, she replied in suprise with: "Oh. I didn't know that. You never told me you were giving him vitamins." Is this crucial information for daycare staff to know about? Had I FAILED to notify her? What I feed him in the privacy of my own home is none of their business. If there was reason enough to believe that I was being neglectful I can understand. Am I though? All I hear are empty assumptions. My child is malnutritioned? Go ahead and say it to my face..

When I mentioned to her that I'd spoken to a dietician and nutritionist, she responded by telling me that she continually asked me if I had and I kept telling her no - which is partially true. She asked me twice and I did say no at that time but then I followed through with her suggestion. I didn't realize it was pertinent information. I thought she was just being helpful but instead she made me feel like I was being irresponsible.. lack of communication on MY part.

When I handed her the pamphlet, highlighted, underlined and starred all areas that specifically pertained to him, she was greatful but used that as an exuse of how I had 'kept them in the dark' about this diet. Realistically, I AM the parent. I make the choices. I didn't HAVE to offer this information but I did it to be helpful. They could of followed through with my requests and kept their opinions to themselves. Instead, I was constantly questioned and frowned upon.

The meeting took all of 5 minutes and I wasn't given the time to really say all that I had to say. She's planning on reading the pamphlet and was really appreciative and apologized for having me feel unsupported. Honestly though, if staff had valid concerns about his diet, the SUPERVISOR should of spoken to me about it, not the entire team on a day-to-day whim. I didn't realize it was as big of an issue as I discovered it to be tonight. I didn't need all staff members to 'question' me all the time. It's not like I DIDN'T explain to them why I was doing this in the first place. It's not as if they haven't noticed the improvements from it. I feel they handled this unprofessionally and making me out to be irresponsible.

I still feel horrible regardless on how hard I've been working to advocate for my child. Could I of have put him on medication my doctor suggested? Sure, that would of been the easy way out. But as his MOTHER I opted not to and I have many supporting reasons as to why.

Why can't people give ME the benefit of the doubt instead of instilling such negativity towards me? Nothing is ever good enough. I'll be so glad come the end of August when he graduates from this center..

Anyone?

By the way, for the record, this is what I've been bringing him at daycare:

hot cereal, cold cereal, rice milk, soda crackers, rice crackers, bananas, banana loaf, tuna/vegetable casserole or tuna sandwich.. plus he eats the food snacks that daycare provides if he's able to. He's not starving by any means.

Sometimes I've given him left over dinners which they've claimed he 'didn't like' when he chowed it down no problem the night before. Again, not good enough. Try something else. I've given him pizza a couple of times until I learned that he couldn't have cheese. Even then they claimed he didn't like it, or I should try something different. My son loves tuna. It's what he requests. Until I'm able to figure out other foods he'll eat, I've stuck on this lunch diet for now. He has more variety at home for dinners and such. But honestly, it's easier for me to give him what he's got so far. I'm one person. I have a lot on my plate. If he wants tuna, I'm going to give him tuna. What's wrong with that??

As far as I can see there is nothing wrong with what you are doing and it is not the daycare staffs place to question it. I don't know much about the diet you have your son on but tuna and banana are healthier than most foods many people feed their kids. As for left overs maybe freeze them randomly and alternate so he's not eating the same thing two days in a row but your not wasting food in the mean time. Other than that I think as long as you make sure his meals are as balanced as possible and he's getting a daily vitamin you are all good.

Jes, You are doing fine.
They just do not get the concept of clean nutrition. The word diet is evil to North Americans in general.
My nephew is autistic and my sister has him on a very strick diet.
Strick diet - by noramal cheeto eating people standards.
She has had so many problems over the years with daycare
"it was only a couple cookies, a few smarties,crackers. it goes on.

She explained. It is not a choice to deprive Nick of fun foods. It is his health. These foods contain chemicals that his body can not handle and are toxic to him. It is posion to him.
It causes bowel problems and severe pain, it induces headaches. Over loads the liver with toxic waste his body can not handle.

Stick with it. It is a long process to introduce new items. You are doing fine. It he likes Tuna - give him tuna.
Have you had him tested for metals? I'm only asking because often it is turning out the kids with certain behaviour issues had high metal deposits in the bodies. Copper, mercury etc.

If he is eating Tuna regularly you might want to ask next couple physicals to have his metal levels done.
I wouldn't go to do just this alone, but if there is blood tests being done at an yearly physical ask ahead for extra to be sent to 2 labs for reading. They will tell you that they don't do that. They don't do it regularly, but they can and will if you request it.

I don't generally recommend this because often the tests are not read properly.
I will never go by any one set of lab results.
This same nephew was mis diagnoses between age three and four as being a Fragile X child.
They lost years in treatment and training etc. because of it.

Stick with it Jes, One new thing at a time. You are on the right path.

Oh Jes,
I really feel for you. I know how much you have struggled with this.
I don't think you are out of line at all. From what you have said the daycare has not handled this well at all. It sounds like they have handled it in a very gossipy way. This is part of the reason I do not tolerate gossip in any form in my daycare. If my staff handled something like this in this way their jobs would be on the line. Any and all problems should always go up the chain of command for correction and praise should always go down. If a problem or concern goes down it is gossip and reason for termination.
Personally I would have another meeting with the director and tell her when you have this meeting you need her undevided attention period. First I would check into other daycares and see if you have an option of moving him so you can give that option if you need to.
Let her know how you feel just like you did us. If she is concerned about her business she will listen. Right notes first if you need to before you go. Definately let her know, and remember to tell her the things you like about the daycare at the same time. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. There has to be a good working relationship between you and the daycare for this to work. I know you know that.
Take charge I know you can. This is what you are paying them for.
God bless and take care. I really hope this all works out for you.

Thanks everyone. This morning I tackled the subject again with one of the staff [the one I've particularly been having problems with] and it didn't go well. She wasn't rude or anything but her opinions were over-crowding my beliefs. It's as if I made them accountable for managing his diet. Well I didn't but I do expect them to implement what I've requested.

Oh well. I've got to let it go. They seemed quite nice tonight. They even paid me a compliment. I'm just going to leave well enough alone. They have the information and I'm going to wait until it soaks in. If they make one more comment about this diet in a derogatory fashion, I think I'm going to flip a lid.

IamHarmony: You mentioned about the metals testing. I've never thought to do that. Don't I have to have a specific reason as to why I want this done? I can't imagine that 'behaviour' itself is going to go over well. Also, should I be concerned over the amount of tuna he's consuming with regards to metals? As for your experience, I can relate. I laugh that the daycare have so much issue over 'too much' tuna when they're feeding their children hot dogs, oriental noodles and greasy tator-tots. Please.

Tomany: Thanks for your input as well. I thought about going to the head honcho but I'm going to wait and see what happens from here on end. If they persist then I will definately bring it to her attention. I also like your 'gossipy' term. It's DEFINATELY how I feel they've handled this.

Thanks for being there for me again. I really value all of your inputs. I really do!

:huggies:

Okay personally I don't understand the daycare thing because I just didn't do it, I had a lady who watched the boys who was a godsend. Anyways stick to your guns about this, they are doing what books tell them to and you are his mother you know whats going on. I thought that in daycare they provide meals for the children and are supposed to follow the health canada guidelines and then the guidelines of the parent. Thats what I assumed. I will say that yeah I had my kids in daycare once and that lasted long enough for me to go in and get them and no one realized. Bless your heart for standing up to them and make them listen because this isn't a game they should be playing with you this is for you child not there easy road. Yahoo for you for not putting him on drugs, I hate that, to me that is awesome. To many teachers and providers try that as an answer, the wanted me to do that with my oldest and I said No he is just bored give him something to do and sure enough that worked. keep at it.

On a lighter note my oldest son took Bologna for lunch for 4 years until he changed and went to ham. There is nothing wrong with the same thing every day. He is healthy and over 5 feet tall and he is 10, some kids just get hooked. If he is eating tuna daily be happy it isn't deep fried and dipped in chocolate.

lol imagine tuna dipped in chocolate?? ewww..

Ya, I agree with what you're saying except for the part about 'following by the books'. I don't think they're doing enough to maintain that professional balance in that daycare. They took responsibility for his diet when it wasn't asked of them to do. I don't think that's written in the books. Their responsibility is to the parents. They are to follow their guidlines of the programs. They do have other strengths so I'm not downplaying them. The supervisor I used to deal with quit the job for one overseas. She was great! and only 23 years old. If I had a concern she was always very professional and objective. I do like her replacement but I find her to lack certain qualities.

Oh well. I'll see what happens from here on end. I'm actually interested in proposing a healthier menu in conjunction to the Feingold diet. Maybe I should tap into the community nutritionist and head daycare organizer and see what happens. They may just laugh in my face..

Jes, You have hit the nail on the head about the professionalism. Goes along with my earlier post.
I think it is an awesome idea to speak with the head daycare organizer. If the person you spoke with before is not showing concern move up the chain of command. From what you have said I would be doing something about it. You should not have to wait and see how the staff is going to react or do. You should know they are going to show you respect and not question you before you walk in the door. Move up the chain girl that is what it is there for. I told you before jobs could be in jeopardy at my place if it was handled this way. Don't forget to tell them what you like in the daycare too that way she does not feel badgered and close up.
I read something about this a while back and have yet to find it. I called the company who printed it and they are suppose to mail it to me. When I get it I will send it to you. I think you will find it interesting.

My son is also on a fairly strict diet (casien and gluten free with soy sensitivities) and is also in daycare. In the begining it was very difficult even though I gave them a complete listing of all the items he can have and cannot have. I have premade several types of meals that are like what the other's are having in daycare that day, as well as a bunch of snacks (rice crackers, etc.) They too agreed the diet was working well with him, but weren't very supportive. It didn't help that the cook they had hired had a personal issue with me (her hubby is the maintence man for our condos & he didn't like me because I told him what was wrong with my condo and he argued with me and then was proven wrong). Now there is a new cook who is awesome! He even calls me at home if he isn't sure about something. Anyways stick up for your son, you are his best advocate!

Tuna- and metals.
Well I eat it. It's my favorite too!
There are very real concerns that the mercury levels are to high to consume it on a regular basis.
I like it, and I don't eat many forms of protien so I chose to ignore it.

There are serveral American studies that are linking the high metal deposits to some learning and behavioural issues.
Basically the body isn't filtering them out so to levels increase in the system, which is unnatural and causes many things not to function the way they should.
Including hormones,etc.
So like the allergy concerns that trigger a chain of behaviour reactions the metals interfere with the proper signals to be sent. I remember reading about anxiety and self hitting being mentioned. Children getting so upset and frustrated that they slap themselves or bang body parts.
I'll try to locate the articals laterthis week if I can find a couple hours. I tend to get stuck in the research once I start and loss myself.
LOL - I'll probally end up joining another committee or panel and take on another cause. LOL

The basic tests can be done on request.
I would just say that You want them done because you have read some articals and are concerned.
Personally I wouldn't have the blood drawn just for this, but if they are taking some for other things I would have them do it then as well.

As for the diet stick to it. You are doing a great thing for your son. I know there is an intant reaction to some chemical compounds that I will point out to friends when we see the kids lossing control. Say after Koolaid or some candies.
Watch for their ears to go very red. It is one of the few physical signs that appear very quickly when a child consumes something their body doesn't handle well.
LOL - man I got to run.Late to leave for work.
Boy can Iever run on.

Don't worry about the tuna too much. He likes it, It is generally better than most choices available.
Be well,

Harmony

cherlyl d: I just bought soy cheese being that he can't have dairy products and I wanted to expand his diet further. I noticed that it had casien in it - milk protein. Is that considered to be dairy? If so then I won't be able to offer it to him. Milk triggers his behaviours but I'm not sure as to what in particular it's causing it. I was thinking maybe it was lactose? Not sure. Please let me know when you can.

IamHarmony: Your tuna/metals are concerning me. I don't want to fix one problem and enter another. He practically eats tuna everyday. I'll definately have him tested for levels.

You mentioned: "It is generally better than most choices available." Isn't this sad? It's so alarming!

Jes,
I know how you have struggled with this and how tough it is to feed your son foods that don't have an adverse affect on him. I have suggested your diet to one of my daycare parents because of behavior problems and so on. I just want to remind you that if he is not having trouble with the food be a little careful not to over analize it. Almost any food you find has something "wrong" with it if you look hard enough or eat to much of it. Eggs were good then they had to much cholesterol now they don't have as much as previously thought and are now good again. You also know that different foods effect people in different ways.
According to a dietitian I should have very high bad cholesterol and weigh a ton. I eat a lot of red meat, pork, fried food, and fatty foods. Eggs, milk, butter etc. I have very low bad cholesterol and slightly high good colesterol. I also don't weigh near a ton. My Dad-in-law eats way less of this stuff than I do and still has high cholesterol.
Just a reminder to do what works for you and have confidence in what you are doing. I am not saying not to be careful just to keep your head on straight and use some common sence.
I sure hope this comes off right to you. I have confidence that you know me well enough that it will.
May God bless you.

lol I understand but toxins are toxins. I would still rather know. I'm sure I'm coming off sounding paranoid.