HI all, i'm a single mom in ontario, with a 3 year old daughter. from the moment she was born her dad was mad at me for not having an abortion, and was a horrible verbal abuser for 2 years. he left about a year ago, and didn't care too much about her until i asked for custody. then he got a lawyer and asked for joint custody, but still doesn't take care of her... visits once a month, for 3 hours and pays a fraction of child support. i was told that if i can't prove he was abusive to her he'll still get visitation and overnight visits. i want custody and i don't mind if he visits her in my care but i dread the fact that she has to go and spend nights with the guy...
please help with any advice before i get the ball rolling and it is too late

JD would be a great person to ask. He is quite familar with your laws and how your legal system helps.
I wish you the best.
God bless.

Monika,

:welcome:

2many is right. JD would be the best to ask around here. He is well versed in the laws in Canada.
Around here... verbal abuse is not really recognized by the courts (I know, I know) and it sounds as though he has not physically hurt her. I wish you the very best of luck!
C

Hi monika2002 and the ladies flatter me too much. Every case is as unique as a snowflake and yours in no exception. All I can relate is generalities about the law. If he has been paying child support and can prove it, he will be entitled to sue for joint custody. That isn't to say he will win. Often the mothers come out on top. As soon as he takes this action, an automatic system in Ontario will be started concerning future child support and it will be based on the federal child support guidelines and his last tax years return. His employer will receive a notice of garnishment that they will have to obey.

Now support and access are two different entities that in this province, are usually dealt with simultaneously although one may take longer than the other to complete depending on the case. If he pays support he is entitled to access. You say he is applying for "joint custody". This will give him signing rights and decision making but more than likely "primary residence" will remain with you. Unless he is proven a danger to the child, and this must be proven by professionals (doctors, councillors, police) and documented, then will have to accept the fact that at sometime he will get over night unsupervised visits. After all it is his child and the courts will recognize that fact.

I want you to know that the way he relates to you can and most likely will be very different from the way he relates to his child. Animosity towards you may not carry over to the same for the child. He may be a wonderful father but treat you badly.

Lastly, nothing is set in stone. An access or custody agreement will and often does evolve as the child does. His lawyer has advised him to sue for as much as possible now as it will be hard to gain more in the future. Ten years from now as both of you and the child matures, things may be different and his lawyer is advising him to think of that future.

Hope I helped. Oh...welcome to SFV. Jump in anywhere anytime.

Hi Ladies and Thanks Jaydsdad, you were most helpful
i agree with you completely, his attitude toward her is changing but he is still yelling at her to shut up when she cries, and has no patience with her...i am afraid for now, i'm sure things will change when she is older and can protect herself. i only want to avoid it now...
and another thing to ask, here in ontario joint custody is not awarded and i'm a bit scared that he could get sole custody and take her away from me (i know i know it is a bit farfetched but as a mom i'm unreasonably scared)

I live in Ontario and joint custody was awarded. I was told by my lawyer that they try to stay away from sole custody nowadays because they are calling it "Parenting" and they believe 2 parents even if not together is what they prefer.

well thank you that is good to know, my lawyer did not say that at all. my ex lives 3 hours out of town though so i'm hoping that in that case it will be harder to get joint custody...he has done nothing so far to deserve it.
what do you think?

QUOTE]Originally posted by monika2002:
[qb]

quote:

Originally posted by neverlookinback:
[qb] I live in Ontario and joint custody was awarded. I was told by my lawyer that they try to stay away from sole custody nowadays because they are calling it "Parenting" and they believe 2 parents even if not together is what they prefer. [/qb]

[/qb][/QUOTE]

Going to court for custody is very emotional and it sucks. I think what your lawyer told you is correct. If you cant prove he doesnt meet her needs or that he verbally abuses her he will still get visitation with overnight visits. I am still a little bitter over the whole court thing so I am trying to give you a response that isnt based on my anger. Do you have anyone that can say they saw or heard his behaviour with your child? I feel for you because I know what it is like to sit at home while you are worried about your child being ignored or yelled at while at the other parents house.

no unfortunately i don't think i can prove that he yelled at her, it was me him and her usually, he would behave ok in front of other people. that is what really bothers me. i called the cops on him once and i have the report but that was mostly against me even though my daughter was in my arms at the time...i also have a babysitter who has seen him not paying attention to her and not talking but that is not exactly an abusive behavior...i kept a diary but i hear that is inadmissible in court. as far as i understand my options right now is to swallow it and hope he'll change for her

Hi monika,

No your diary may not be applicable in the court room but keep it up anyways as it will be usefull if ever a third party becomes involved such as the children's lawyer or the CAS. You have very little to worry about when it comes to him receiving sole custody. In fact in your case, due to the lack of involvement on his part, I would guess to say it would be impossible for him. Three hours away can work both ways for him. The distance may enable him to get overnight visits as the court might see a day visit at that distance as impractical or on the other hand the court may see the distance to great from you to give overnights. As I stated above, only professionals are able to give accountings of his parental behaviour. The babysitter will help you little legally speaking.

Don't confuse joint custody with residential custody. Joint custody means he will have rights to school records, doctor's reports, signing rights but it doesn't automatically mean he gets residential rights. He may have joint custody but still only get access. Primary residence will more than likely stay with you as the courts don't like to make too many changes in a child's daily routine.

One thing to keep in mind. The legal arena is cold and heartless. It deals with facts and ignores innuendo and accusations and in most cases, emotional appeals are completely ignored. It is not black and white but filled with many grey areas. Some of the answers you seek are and will be unknown until the judge drops the gavel and stamps the paperwork. Prepare yourself for some stressful waiting time. Find an outlet to vent your frustrations that is safe from family and friends and your child. This will help you a lot in the long run. Good luck.

hey guys and thanks for the help, it is good to have people who care around )
i went to my lawyers today to get the case going but he wasn't there, and i refused to get things started without his presence...do you think i should be looking for a better lawyer? how important do you guys think a lawyer is in this cases???

Monika,I went through 2 lawyers.I found the first one was not working or doing his job well enough for me.I was very organized and wanted to get the ball rolling.I was glad I switched to someone else.You do have this option,although if your getting legal aid this could be another story if they have assigned you one.Best of luck with your case.