I'm on the road to divorce (yeah!) and am trying to work out custody arrangements with my kids's dad. My goal is to provide a stable and predictable routine however he is in the military and travels frequently (days or weeks at a time). A rotating schedule doesn't work with his schedule and what we're doing currently is too chaotic. (wed evenings and weekends when he's around)

Is there anyone else in this situation who has an arrangement that works well for their kids? (mine are 5 and 7)

Thanks for your help

Chrystal

Hi kayakchick and welcome to SFV,

Here is a link with great info. It is a grandparents site and the specific laws concern P.E.I. but the general idea is well presented.

http://www.cangrands.com/legalfaq.htm

Weekends and Wednesdays are pretty standard. It's kinda what I have (except for the "when he's around" part...I'm always around). What do think would be better for you and your situation?

Hope you enjoy SFV. Many wonderful people here from all over the world. Jump in anywhere, anytime.

Welcome kayakchick

Definately check out the link Jaydsdad posted.
The Wednesdays and every other weekend is pretty standard in Ontario.

What do you have in mind? And what does Dad have in mind?

Thanks for the replies Dad wants Wednesday and every weekend as the standard which would mean there could be months where the kids don't get down time in their primary residence. As well he took 2 weeks leave at the end of this month and demanded that they live with him for those 2 weeks, completely disrupting their school schedule. I don't want to restrict his access at all, in fact he has an open invitation to join us anytime (last night he came over for board game night). But, I don't want his schedule disrupting theirs.

Kayakchick
I do understand the every weekend being an issue.
Perhaps you can explain to him you need to have some of that weekend fun and free time with the children as well.
Realistically with Dad being in the military and traveling it will be impossible to have a set a stone visitation agreement.
What about two evenings a week and every other weekend when he is not traveling.
Flexibility will be required.
How does Dad having they for 2 weeks disrupt school? Does he live far away and they won't be attending?

I have to say, I did smile at the join us anytime thing. I guess it depends on the individual situation and how the two of you can interact with each other.

Kids are flexible, mom and dad have to be as well. You are no longer one unit, so you and he have to learn that your ideal set up is not always going to work out.
No doubt about it it is a bumpy road and can be very draining.

Hang in there

Disrupting the school schedule is not a good thing but keep in mind that whatever schedule you have now won't be set in stone. For my girl's first 8 eight years, she was with me every weekend but she's about to turn 12 and it isn't mom now who is protesting but her. She has friends now grrrr. The solution you seek will only ever be temporary as the arangements will grow and evolve as the children do. I do agree that mom needs some weekends too so compromise is neeeded. Explain that to dad. Also with his work schedule, he may not be able to take them every weekend so those are yours by default.

Good luck.