Hi
I am new here and looking for advice.Over two years ago I met a wonderful lady on the internet in a quit smoking support group chat room.We where both married at the time and our spouses where not very attentive to our emotional or physical needs,we had both been to counselling sessions with our spouses that didnt resolve our situations.
We had talked with each other over the internet for quite a while before ever meeting and felt very much in love before we ever even saw a picture of one another.
I felt it necessary to share that information with you before asking for advice as it may play into the problem.
My lady has two children one a boy 21 years of age who refuses to meet me and the other a 14 year old daughter who I have spent a month with while on vacation,we seemed to get along okay durning that time.
I spoke with her husband early on our relationship and he seemed to be a decent sort of person but has since threatened me with bodily harm.
My lady and her husband seperated early with him at her request moving out of the family home,he moved back in one night with out telling her,she moved into a home of her own over a year ago with the two children.The family home was sold and the proceedings where split.
The issue now is with the 14 year old daughter who is consistantly getting into trouble in school by skipping classes and creating scenes in others.Recently her mom found out that she was using marajuana and that she has also cut herself.
Her mother is a business person who runs and owns a small business but her first priority has always been her children she is a good and attentive mom and just a good person in general.
She is trying to deal with this problem by spending more quality time with her daughter.And setting up rewards and disciplines for inappropiate behavior.
The daughter has been rude and obnoxious with her mother,recently her mother learned that the daughter is going to purchase more marijuana over the coming week-end.She was also so nasty with her mother that her mom was left in tears.
The father is of no help and in fact uses his children to get back at their mother,he has a good job but refuses to pay some expenses including all of the costs associated with thier sons education.
I listen to my lady friend but really feel that giving her my answers would only create problems for her and I.
The problem is what to do with a 14 year old teen who seems to be in trouble way to much any help would be appreciated.
Thank you

[i don't know if i have alot of advise to give but teens acting out is always a cry for help. the first problem is smoking marijuana. that is just going to make the daughter's problems even worse. because as she is "high" her problems seem fine and she becomes happy but when she comes "down" she will feel more anger and want to only get that feeling of "false happiness" from the drug back. the first issue is to try to get help for the daughter's drug use. because matters are only going to worse while she continues to use marijuana. so her mom needs to put an end to that ASAP..tell her mom to try and sit to have a heart to heart with her to let the daughter know she loves her and wants to see that she is happy but becoming happy through means of smokin a drug is not going to help, etc... good luck and god bless