Hello, I'm not sure this is even the right forum for me, but I am a stepmom and I need advice.

My two dss ages 15 & 16 are very troubled. They both drink, do drugs, have been in trouble with the law (no thanks to bm) and are just plain messed up. DH and I fear they are too far gone - neither will graduate (the older one is supposed to be a Jr in HS and he only has 4 credits!!!). They basically don't care. Now, I realize that most teens only live for the weekend, but they seem to be taking it further.

Their mother is married with a daughter about age 13. Their mother yells and loses control (throws/breaks things, came after hubby and kicked the bumper of his truck as he drove away) and has called the police on the kids for no reason (bc they fought - and she started it and it got out of control). She demands dh to "fix it". She has thrown the boys out only to call a week (or less) later saying they could "come back home". The bottom line here is that she lets her hatred for dh get in the way of properly raising the boys.

She calls and threatens to sue us "for damages" and constantly threatens to take us to court "for more child support". She has even told the boys dh doesn't love them.

I am personally fed up with the character attacks and upsetting dh. These boys dont' stand a chance of a good life. One of them even went to therapy and when the therapist said they would be better off with us, she removed him from therapy. They need it badly!!!

Part of me wants to email her and b*tch her out for continually hurting these boys (and dh), but I know it wouldn't get anywhere.

Any advice?? How can we help these boys who really don't care about anything other than getting high and drunk? How can I just sit here and let dh get verbally attacked?

Thank you for reading...

Wendy

Well Im just 19 myself, and I understand where they are coming from. BUT its no excuse. I also understand for you, its going to be a SUPER HARD next few years for you and your husband. Talking to a teen boy (or girl) in that state of mind is like trying to talk to a brick wall, which Im sure you are aware of. Even with therapy and help, the way he is, is the way he is and unfortunatly in my experiance they may 'improve' but never are rid of the bad behavour. BUT saying that, also in my experiance they regret it big time when they are older, with no highschool diploma, with no money, kids they cant take care of, and friends who arnt really 'friends'. (if only therwas a way to somehow make them realize that)
I think what you need to do is to just be a verrry involved parent, as much as you can be with them not living with you full time, and with their crazy mother. Let them know your scared for them, talk to them, it may seem like they are ignoring you, but they will hear it. Tell them, yes they have fun now, but without a highschool diploma, you really cant go anywhere in life, they dont want to go to school now obviosuly, but if they dont, they will be in it for much longer, and the older they get the harder it will be. Plus taking classes at an adult learning center is just plain embaressing, plus its harder then actualy going to school every day and learning it from a teacher.
Anyway if you can, try to do as much stuff with them, go to the movies, on vacations, or weekend trips. Just try to keep them busy. yess I know its super hard because well...they dont want to. they think they are 'cool' and will do what it takes to continue being 'cool'...and getting out of that state of mind is realllly hard. Tell them drugs and alchol wont always be fun, they will make them stupid, and sick.
Sorry I cant be much help, I wish there was a miracle saying or something that can be done, theres wayy to many screwed up teens out there.