My ex husband has this new girlfriend that is doing alot of the step-parenting at his home. She's almost always picking up the kids, and dropping them back off. I'm not making a fuss about it because there are bigger issues.

I have two very active kids. My 5 year old son in paticular is a child that needs alot of physical attention. When he doesn't get his active/running time he is extreemly difficult. And his 4 year old sister knows how to push all his buttons. She can get him so riled up he can't stand it and start hitting her. Then she gets to play the victim, scream and get cuddles while her brother gets in trouble. And of course that just makes it worse.

So this evening the kids come home. They are both knocking on the door. When I get to the door the both burst thru the door. And my 5 year old managed to hit his sister in the eye. The girlfriend then tells me, we have had such a day with him, had to call him on the carept due to his behavior so many times.

My ex's idea of family time is everybody on the couch eating icecream. A perfect holiday revolves around food, movies and bed. So, I can imagine that my kid's thanksgiving didn't involve any time outside running off energy.

I nod and say, yeah what with them being out of school he's just not getting the play time he really needs. The girlfriend is a mother, too so she understands a statement like that. (Thank God I'm dealing with someone who understands something about kids.) She looked kind of frazzled by his behavior though. It is real hard when the kids aren't your's. And at my husband's house she's got her 17 year old son, and the two step-kids I helped raise who are 11 and 9. She's got alot on her plate, and a very physical 5 year old who only visits the home has got to be really stressful on her. I guess I should throw in, the 5 year old is not my ex's child. We had a his, her's and our family. My ex was there when my son was born, so my ex is the only father this child has known. But, my ex is more involved with the 4 year old who is his child.

Tomorrow the kids are suposed to go back to Daddy's for the day. Daddy is supposed to be at work for at least part of the day, so they'll be spending the time with the girlfriend, and with their sibblings.

I'm afraid that the girlfriend is begining to resent my 5 year old. He is a challenging child. He needs alot of stimulation. The 4 year old is a cuddle-bug child. She wants to get in your lap and **** her thumb. She's mastered the art of being cute. The 4 year old is a beautiful copy of her father. My 5 year old doesn't look a thing like the man he calls Daddy.

I don't know what to do. My children want to spend time with Daddy and with their brother and sister. I'm afraid that my 5 year old might be creating an atmosphere filled with stress and resentment. Not his fault. I want my kids to know they are loved, and have fun. I want them to be protected from any resentment. But I don't see any way to acheive that.

Charity

Is there any way you could talk to your ex and have visitation set for times when he isn't going to be working? It might be tough, but I bet with both of them there the kids would all get the attention they need and no one would feel like they are resented. And he could take your son outside and play football and basketball and keep him active. Boys really need their dads to do this stuff with them. I'm sure it would really help with all the tension over there between everyone.

Charity,
Here's my thought after reading this. First I commend you and her (the gf) it seems after reading this that you two get along pretty well, a big plus to the situation. I do know that we will always worry about how our kids will be treated in different situations, and would love to keep them protected from anything less that perfect surroundings....if only life were perfect. I wouldn't fret too much about the resentments, at least I'm not so sure from just reading this that it is the case. If there are more concerns you have about it, it sounds like you might have a good enough relationship with the father and his gf to sit and discuss it if need be to be sure where everyone's thoughts are on it. I mean it does sound like he is continuing to assume the role of dad with your son, and unless they were starting to exclude him from things it may not be something to worry so much about.
Like I said too, communication is the best possible option. If you feel there may be a need, ask them to discuss it soemtime just to be sure.

Is there a way that you can have a meeting. sitting down with your ex and his gf to discuss the issues? Maybe if you all can talk together and find a good solution it would help? Of course this is assuming that you get along well enough with them.

Truth is, I could sit down and talk with the girlfriend. I can't sit down and talk with my ex. Not without a mediator present. He's a nutcase to talk to.